Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been reading the replies to my thread about why I never knew I was autistic and was a little surprised at how many things in common we had, some of which are not always linked with autism. Also I'm currently reading a book called "untypical" by Pete Wharmby, in which he details his experiences of being autistic by different criteria, such as friends, school, hobbies, the workplace, etc and noticed some things there that I relate to but which are not often realised may be traits of autism.
I also think that the explanations of what autism is are sometimes a bit vague and not particularly easy for us to understand e.g. Problems with social communication (what exactly does that mean?) Problems with social interaction (who doesn't have those?) Repetitive & restrictive behaviours (everyone has routines and habits?) Highly focused interests or hobbies (um, like football or celebrities?)
Some things, like stimming, seem to be a thing that makes some people identify that a person is autistic, but we don't all do that. I wanted to try to put together simple to understand, relatable examples of each criteria, (and adding a couple of my own) that may be common to us all. So please tell me if you have also experienced all of the situations below, or if any of them do not apply to you:
Social communication examples:
- Replying to "How was your weekend?" with a lengthy monologue of what you did,, then noticing that the other person's face has gone blank and they don't appear interested.
- Rehearsing what you are going to say in your head, or writing it down to help you remember.
- Hating phones / preferring to send emails
Social interaction examples:
- "Catching" the emotions of others and often feeling overwhelmed by it.
- Being bullied, teased or made fun of, or feeling you have been misunderstood
- Not having your ideas listened to
Repetitive and restrictive behaviour examples:
- Feeling extremely stressed if you are in the middle of a task and are suddenly told you must do something else - now!
- Cannot "hot desk"
Sensory under or over sensitivity examples:
- Hearing sounds others don't notice, like the ticking of a clock or the hum of a machine
- Over sensitivity to heat or cold (may make you feel unwell or register as pain)
Highly focused interests or hobbies examples:
- Obsession about a hobby or topic; thinking about it when you should be doing something else
- When absorbed in your hobby, losing track of time or of physical needs (thirst, hunger, tiredness etc)
Extreme anxiety examples:
- Feeling highly anxious in a "normal" situation, such as a supermarket checkout queue.
- Gastro-intestinal issues
Meltdowns and shutdowns examples:
- Loss of emotional control, leading to anger or crying
- Loss of the ability to speak, function or even think properly
Learning differences examples:
- Difficulty in catching a ball / tying laces, clumsy (possibly gross motor skills dyspraxia)
- Hyperlexia (advanced reading skills) or dyslexia
Apart from a slight difference in my living arrangement I can relate totally to all that you have written.
Nothing to be sorry for...
Hi as a late diagnosed adult I have struggled with imposter syndrome. I always kinda knew I felt different. Making friends was / is something that I find very hard. I never knew what to say and how to say it. I now realised that I have masked all my life and struggle to know what is the real me. The current me has spent over a year away from my workplace as I cannot cope with the people and my managers. I have been given an access to work grant in November but not seen any of the equipment yet. My managers seem to think 'well he coped for years and years and suddenly cannot do these things now!'. I am learning what my 'traits' are but it scares me that when all my masks are off there will be nothing left. Always trying to fit in but never quite managed it. I have been controlled, manipulated and abused in the past but I am determined not to be anymore. I have the support of my wonderful partner although we do not live together. I feel much more affinity to animals than humans.
I say yes to all of the list above. I have always been clumsy and banging into tables and doors etc but never thought until now that this was an autistic trait. I always thought it was because there is so much going on in my head that I would lose myself in space and time.
The one thing above all is the constant state of anxiety about everything. I am constantly thinking about random things and find it difficult to think about the stuff that matters
I am on the waiting list for self compassion therapy but that could be years away.
sorry for my ramblings
Silo'd means being pushed into a space, thought fitting for those placed there by "society" and left there. Boys or girls, black or white with none of the grey areas most of us inhabit in our daily lives.
I've known people who are NT who get so absorbed in a hobby that they forget to eat, I don't know about interests coming along as intrusive thoughts at inappropriate times, if we spend a lot of time doing something don't we dream about it as our brains are doing internal sorting and filing?
I've met people who want to be special to the point of having diagnosis envy, whatever someone's been diagnosed with they want it too, it dosen't matter what it is, Autism to Chronns Disease, they're just jealous of the attention they percieve others to have. I disagree with the " everyones a bit autistic" thing, I find it demeaning and like its some sort of pick and mix excuse for either upsetting someone or to gain some kind of oneupmanship?
I was told by one woman on another site, (now defunct), that everytime I disagreed with her it was because I was autistic, whatever it was no matter how trivial, not agreeing with her was always down to my autism it would always get worked in there some how. I ended up having a massive go at her, saying that just because I have a particular diagnosis dosen't make me stupid, nor does it stop me from having opinions that are just as valid as anyone elses and in fact mine were often better thought out. What was worse was that she has autistic adult children who she was always coomplaining about, all the things they wouldn't do and yet she was one of the most disabling people I've ever come across. I think she thought she was gently taking the mick, but what she was saying was totally patronising. It was nice when a load of other people piled in on my behalf, but I was also wary because I didn't want to be the excuse/cause of a massive spat and bullying.
Hi Catwoman
I don't know what silo'd means?
I agree that it can be difficult to identify which behaviours are due to autism - that's what I've been trying to determine, and why I posted this list. I wanted to see if those things were applicable to all of us, and I then hope to use two lovely colleagues as control subjects - they have both done the Aspie quiz and had results showing they were typical, and I've asked if they would mind doing the AQ50 test to check that they definitely are unlikely to be autistic, then I was going to ask them how many of these things we identify with apply to them.
You pointed out about common special interests such as gardening, and I pointed out football fans or those obsessed with celebrities. I think the difference may be that neurotypical/allistic people don't have thoughts about their special interest pop into their heads when they're trying to do something else, like sleeping or listening to what a person is telling them. Also it may not be "typical" to lose track of being hungry, thirsty or tired while absorbed in an interest?
The thing is that sometimes people don't want to be "typical" , they want to be "special" or "individual", while others who have great empathy will be at pains to make autistic people feel included, which prompts the statement that "everyone is a bit autistic" . I'm trying to find out exactly where the differences lie.
I wonder how much we get silo'd for our feelings? I see so many threads on here with people asking if they do something because of autism, I so often want to ask why they think it is so? So many behaviours are the same in both autists and NT's, maybe some of us feel things more strongly or are more passionate about somethings than others, but is it always to do with autism? I mean you see all these people who are obsessive about growing dahlias or giant veg, they will have whole alotments dedicated to it as well as their gardens, does anyone think they're autistic or are they dedicated eccentrics?
I'm not trying to say we don't have differences, obsessions and real difficulties, but sometimes I think normal behaviour is being pathologised and added to an ever increasing list of abnormalities and it increases a sense of isolation and differences where if you asked a random selection of people these things, they would probably think them normal.
The hole in the head which gets filled with the same thing day in day out. No matter how much I try and divert my attention, it never goes away. Or it gets replaced by another thing.
This gets worse to manage when tired.
Great post Pixiefox, I think we've been thinking along similar lines, I wonder if some of it is because we're both adult women who were diagnosed later in life and had a much longer pre-diagnosis life. It would be interesting to see the differences between those of us who are diagnosed later in life and those who are diagnosed in childhood, late teens. I think the diagnostic criteria are currently to blunt an instrument and not enough attention is paid to the subtleties of autism.
I tend to stick to what the professionals use, which is helpfully summarised on this site. Mostly because there's a fair amount of cross-over with other mental health issues. For example I had no idea that schzioid personality disorder was so close to autistic spectrum disorder in listed symptoms.
www.autism.org.uk/.../all-audiences
When I wake up everything seems hyper difficult and the simple tasks like performing ones ablutions, getting breakfast, feeding the cats etc. take massive effort to accomplish for most of the first hour of my day.. That seems to be getting worse.
Interrrupting me during this time, does not a good reaction get.
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Yesterday, whilst absorbed at my desk I was aware of the cat flap (fitted in the door) moving, and assumed it was a cat coming or going, but when my partner then spoke to me from just behind me, my heart practically stopped...
I can't stand slamming doors or backfiring cars. People who do that stuff to me deliberately & repetitively are at risk of vilence or other suitable retaliation.
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I had the hyerlexia - oh yes - but could not write joined up and my printing was not much better. I remeber a psychologist after watching em struggle telling em that it appeared that my brain was going too fast for my writing hand to keep up.
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I get impatient with my poor O/H soemtimes particualrly if she is interrrupting me, if she doesn't present the information or story quickly, but instead goes around the houses.
Any of that familiar to anyone?
I relate to almost all of them. I had horrible meltdowns as a kid and teenager but I managed that by avoiding the trigger and soothing myself with stimming. Now if overwhelmed I either cry or get panic attack (since my late teens) and it’s exhausting. I was never hyperlexic, rather dyslexic. Sometimes I have shutdowns but I avoid them by giving myself time alone. I’ve never been overwhelmed by someone else’s emotions, but I often am by my own. If they are too strong or too many. This way it happened to me quite many times to be overwhelmed and get some sort of panic attack in intimate situations. Embarrassing… I’m not sure if it’s related to my emotions or partner being too fast and passionate. Maybe both factors. Maybe there is also some trauma in addition. I’m clumsy and I always was. I have accidents with furniture and door frames on my way. When it comes to sounds, yes I hear the light, I hear clocks, fridge, I hear bicycle passing on other side of a busy street or rustle of a plastic bag more than 10 meters away. When I walk in the city my head spins everywhere around and I catch everything. I also catch car plates and names on the doorbells and other pieces of irrelevant information. And smells. I’m literally attacked by it. I only realised that this is “not normal” when I saw video simulations “walking with Asperger” etc. then I said “but it’s me! But it’s how I perceive the world!” At school I often felt distracted by a fly or awful scratch of the chalk against the board. On the other hand when I’m super focused on something, like music or book that is captivating, or some task that I enjoy and must finish- you can call me. I will not react. And I merely register anything.