Emotional Attachment Bonds In Autistic Adults: Why’s This Not Talked About?

I'm sure it is talked about, within wider topics.

E.g. one of the recent ones I've had to deal with is my therapist. Transference is a thing within the therapy sphere, and it almost definitely happens to neurotypical people as well.

I struggle with attachment with my therapist as well. It's a difficult one because I know she's just a therapist but at the same time I talk to her so much, open up about my deepest thoughts and I feel connected to her because of it. I worry about the day when I'm no longer able to see her. 

I'm the same. My therapist is autistic too which I think is almost entirely the reason, combined with the fact she feels like the sort of person I'd get along with in the real world anyway.

There's no shame in feeling attached. I speak to mine about it and she assures me that it's completely normal.

I'm the same. My therapist is autistic too which I think is almost entirely the reason, combined with the fact she feels like the sort of person I'd get along with in the real world anyway.

There's no shame in feeling attached. I speak to mine about it and she assures me that it's completely normal.

Aww thank you.

Hopefully you get to find one that works for you. 

Thank you, you seem nice too. I hope you get what you want out of therapy. 

If it helps then it helps and that's a good thing to hang on to. I'm sure she does like you, you sound a genuinely nice person.

It would have been nice to have an Autistic therapist. They would understand so much better than neurotypical ones. Not that they don’t understand it but it’s not the same is when it comes from someone who has to experience it themselves.

I mean, I get that I don't know the full extent of who she is really. For all I know, she could have off putting habits.

I'm probably going to hang on to it for as long as I can. The belief that someone likes me, at least within this context, is what I need for now. 

Yes it does help, in fact it makes a massive difference and I think that's what counts the most. 

That's what I like about my therapist, she knows everything but she doesn't judge. She knows where it comes from and she justifies it in her way, no judgement, no looking down on me for it.

I love that she's always so nice about everything.

HMO said:

She reassures me that there are people like her in the real world but I don't know. 

This is something that bothers me as well. I get told this a lot... but my experience so far has been that no one understands and everybody judges and that leads to lack of confidence and other problems.

My therapist is literally the only person who seems to understand and like the real me.

It helps to have someone who understands that it's a process. CBT therapists appear to think we can just change our mindset and our lives will improve.

I've a lot of bad habits which I think she's aware of, but understands where it comes from.

There's times I feel a real sense of grief over the fact my therapist will never be anything else. She reassures me that there are people like her in the real world but I don't know. 

Hopefully your therapist will help you be able to better understand and manage things like your singing and hopefully in managing friendships.

I feel the same way with my therapist. It's like no masking required...I don't have any friends unfortunately but I find even with my own family I can't be myself. I constantly mask and put on a version of myself which I think they prefer and like.

My therapist says this is unhealthy but I've done it for such a long time it's hard to switch off if that makes sense.

HMO said:

It's easier for me to believe if, like my therapist, the person appears to want me to do well. I think that's the main thing, if they're saying it and it's not just surface level stuff.

I completely relate to this!!! 

I had singing lessons for a while and I just couldn't get what I wanted out of it because I was scared and, as lovely as the teacher was, I felt intimidated. I wish someone like my therapist was my singing teacher...

What I feel quite sad about is that I feel like I can be more myself and have more in common with my therapist than actual friends I had in the past. It does make me feel like I've done everything wrong, and just settled for things I never really believed in for the sake of it.

It's easier for me to believe if, like my therapist, the person appears to want me to do well. I think that's the main thing, if they're saying it and it's not just surface level stuff.

I'm glad you have her for support. My therapist is my only support as well. There should be more, really, but I know support country wide is pretty much non-existent for autistic adults. I live in hope we'll have more appropriate support available to us someday.

Authority is something I struggle with as well. With my therapy it has to feel calm and like I'm talking with a friend, which with my therapist is exactly what I get. I think that's why I get on so well with her because there's the friend feeling and that connection I have with her.

Everyone has their different approach to what will help and what works. My therapist often praises me too, but I don't really believe people when they say I've done good. I want to but it's like straight away my brain is like nooooo. I'm quite self destructive, in a way, I guess.

Mine started digitally via video chat. Sometimes we still do video call but usually she comes to the house and that's so comforting for me.

Adult autism support services remain very thin on the ground. Speaking to her is the closest thing I have.

I'm not good at dealing with authority. It feels intimidating and I know I wasn't going to get much out of therapy if it felt like that.

My therapist tells me that she's proud of me and stuff like that. No other therapist did, but that's not a criticism - people work in different ways.

Mine is over video but I honestly wouldn't mind if it was face to face. She assures me that there's no judgement although my head hasn't caught up.

I was involved with mental health services after my sisters suicide and that was kind of like the therapy I've got now but talking to them felt kind of like talking to the head teacher or someone else it wasn't really comfortable to talk to.

I told them a lot and they misunderstood I think and it resulted in me being sectioned. Terrible time that was and its put me off mental health services for life.

They don't understand autism at all sadly.

With my therapist it's face to face as well and there's a strong connection and also a really peaceful atmosphere which I would say feels safe as can be. She's always reassuring and says it's a safe space and I've never had cause to doubt that.

I trust her more than anyone else I know.

It's person-centred therapy in my case so the connection is basically the main thing. I think it's important for me to not feel like I'm speaking to an authority figure; if it begins to feel like a meeting with my head teacher, then something's up.

I had a habit of giving people too much too soon. I've actively avoided making real-world connections until I get a degree of control over my emotions. Feel like I'm doing the right thing, not making a mess of it.

We had a 9 week break last summer. It was unavoidable but it was horrendous.

I agree. I haven't heard many success stories with CBT for autistic people. Talking therapy works much better for me than CBT ever did.

I'm like that as well. I don't talk to anyone else about anything really, I've always been quiet and withdrawn. I struggle with socialising anyway but I'm also afraid of being misunderstood or judged and used. That's been my experience with people in the past and it's led to me being hurt and more withdrawn.

Breaks from therapy are hard to endure. I'm lucky that my therapist comes to me but when she's unavailable for whatever reason it seems the longest time ever. It can be hard to get through those periods but afterwards my therapist says, see you got through it you can do it.

I don't think CBT is known for working for us. We can't think our way out of things, we need a different approach.

In my case, I don't talk to anyone else about anything. There's many reasons for that but the safety of it is a big part. The only person in the entire world I don't feel is judging me. 

My head has been a mess when we've had as much as a two week break (we see each other weekly), so I definitely don't feel, at present, that I'd function without her.

I didn't get on well with CBT either. I tried it when I was 19 and it didn't work out well and then I was starting to struggle with trauma from my childhood and depression crept in and now I've got my therapist.

I feel really lucky to be able to talk to her. It e of everyone in my life she's little literally the only one who really understands me. I feel really anxious about when she's no longer going to be in my life. I feel I only cope at the moment because of her support and encouragement.

I'm lucky that I found her, years of CBT therapists wasn't doing it for me. I needed someone who didn't feel like an authority figure or as though they were judging me, because if my guard is up it doesn't help.

Wow, that's so lucky for you to have an autistic therapist. I think mine is NT, though I've never asked to be fair. She's really good though, always understanding and kind and supportive of me and everything I say.

I'm glad you have such an understanding therapist to talk to. I would love to have an autistic therapist, someone who really understands what it's like.