Published on 12, July, 2020
When I was a child I had formed a strong emotional attachment to my grandmother. If she left me to go to the store I would have a fit the entire time until she came back and when she died when I was 10 it was the end of the world for me. I can’t go to her grave because I lose my mind and every fiber of my being just wants to lay there and die just to be with her again. Since then I have had only one attachment to someone that is just as strong and because there’s not a lot about it and it’s only a “stereotype” of Autistic children, it’s hard for the neurotypical who I have the bond with to see how much trust that means that I have for them and understand it, even now I fear saying more about it because I don’t want it to get misunderstood and I just don’t know why these emotional attachment bonds aren’t discussed and only Autistic children are seen with these bonds and no one has an issue with it but if it’s an adult who’s Autistic that has the same thing it’s like no one wants to be understanding about it at all. I just don’t understand why Autistic adults having this isn’t discussed much?
I'm sure it is talked about, within wider topics.
E.g. one of the recent ones I've had to deal with is my therapist. Transference is a thing within the therapy sphere, and it almost definitely happens to neurotypical people as well.
One time my therapist wanted to hug me after a major life success. And he goes with what i say and doesn't seem to do therapy. It's like talking to a friend. I don't have feelings for him but he makes me think he cares about me and i'm disgusted by that. He is just a therapist and i want it that way. Wanting distance and working with my mind making it better. It is probably transference if i care about how he feels, but i really don't want to...wondering if i should end this therapy.
I struggle with attachment with my therapist as well. It's a difficult one because I know she's just a therapist but at the same time I talk to her so much, open up about my deepest thoughts and I feel connected to her because of it. I worry about the day when I'm no longer able to see her.
Oh, I don’t like the term transference. I just looked it up and it mentions erotic stuff and those aren’t the type of bonds I have as I didn’t want to do anything erotic with my grandmother.