Published on 12, July, 2020
Being separate, other, misunderstood, invisible. How can you bear it?
Take5 said:Everyone matters in here.
This is one of my issues. It was made very clear to me as a child that I don't matter.
<insert trauma dump>
I second that as well. Everyone matters in here.
I’m working on it basically. I am far from young but I have to admit I’m not much closer to being ok about so many aspects of life. So many. I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. So I can only express solidarity with others on here and wish all of you well. Don’t give up - we deserve to be able to enjoy life and we also deserve credit for how hard we work to be ok. And I’ve learnt to try to always remember that even the darkest of days do pass - so hang on in there because there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you @out_of_step
You matter to us here and I'm not just saying that. But I understand you are talking more about real life.
I relate so much to your username.
For me, being different means living life completely alone, not mattering to anyone, ultimately a completely pointless life that nobody cares about.
It’s a curse, not a gift.
What gets me is how everyone seems to look and act the same. Wear the same clothes, follow the crowd, do the same things. I see the Other People and remind myself how glad I am I am not like them. The one thing I try to encourage in my children is to march to the beat of their own drum.
誰でもない said:There's nothing in my heart, I don't even feel pain anymore. In the past all I felt was pain, what's the meaning in that? So I abandoned everything
I really wished you didn’t feel that way. I’m hyper empathetic and it makes me quite sad to hear this. Just know from me and I’m sure many many others on here that we value your comments and your presence on here and you are not alone.
AwkwardKid said:I find contentment in the fact I am different.
I agree, the one thing I feel when I’m watching people interact and go about their robotic lives is see that they are all so alike. This annoys me so much, and I feel angry inside that they are so blinded that they cannot see it either. Being different is a gift, it’s not great sometimes but I honestly wouldn’t change who I am.
There's nothing in my heart, I don't even feel pain anymore. In the past all I felt was pain, what's the meaning in that? So I abandoned everything
I find contentment in the fact I am different. Different is good. Little things give me joy too. I am lucky I work in a vaguely autistic supportive environment, a school where diversity is celebrated, among the students and by extension, among the staff too, which helps.
I just come to accept that the World is full of K**bs!
Focusing on my own priorities.
So choosing what I find interesting and fun, and concentrating on that. If I need to do difficult things to get to that, that is then easier than doing difficult things for what other people think is necessary.
I accidentally mostly made friends with autistic people growing up, that helped the being alone, but the general people around me still knew I was different, long before I had a diagnosis. I gradually understood that there are very few people in the world whose opinion on me actually had consequence, and the rest could be ignored. Once I had a label it made it much easier, many people will at least a little bit understand 'I'm autistic' or at least accept it as a partial explanation for why my body language and tone is off.
And then when things were tough I just took it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, in really bad bits 10 mins at a time. And just did whatever I needed to to get through that time, because it may never be perfect, but it's not at the bottom for all eternity.
It is rough. I finally worked out that I am autistic (confirmed my suspicions) a year ago. I has led me down a path of self-discovery .... and what I have discovered is not good. C-PTSD and alexithymia from a childhood of emotional neglect and abuse. I am unable to feel happy (never have - i thought that was normal). I am doing therapy, but f is it rough.I hope you are finding ways to try and improve things for yourself.
I haven't found any kind of peace. Just pain and suffering. I struggle with this in a big way.
Pegg said:Perspective makes a difference.
Yes. Focal length.........very, very important.
"The only constant in this life is change. Worship change. Be change."
Amerantin (former member) said:Being separate, other, misunderstood, invisible. How can you bear it?
Being safe in the knowledge, that ALL THINGS ebb and flow.
I haven't.