It is rough. I finally worked out that I am autistic (confirmed my suspicions) a year ago. I has led me down a path of self-discovery .... and what I have discovered is not good. C-PTSD and alexithymia from a childhood of emotional neglect and abuse. I am unable to feel happy (never have - i thought that was normal). I am doing therapy, but f is it rough. I hope you are finding ways to try and improve things for yourself.
