Published on 12, July, 2020
How did people react to you telling them you have autism?
For me personally my family were mostly accepting and happy for me. My dad wasn't very supportive, he's never liked me much, always thought I was fussy and didn't try hard enough in things I do. At school I used to have meltdowns because of how stressful it was and I struggled with processing but my dad said I was overreacting and attention seeking. He's never understood.
My grandparents weren't very supportive either, though my Gramps was unbelievably supportive and happy for me which did surprise me. Gramps is now my best friend, my rock, I know I can turn to him no matter what about absolutely anything. We are so close. He's more of a dad to me than my own dad is, sad but true.
When I was attempting work I decided to tell one of my colleagues that I have autism. Her reply "you don't look autistic..." After that day I found my mind constantly trying to figure out what autism actually looks like. Me, apparently.
Overall telling people of my diagnosis was well received but there have been a few people who didn't unfortunately understand, or didn't try to understand. Most people though were supportive and happy for me.
Astridlora said:In my family I'm the only one who has autism.
This probably is not true, being autistic is genetic. It’s very likely that family members are also autistic, they just may not have discovered that.
I used to not have friends either, until I went to university where I was lucky to come accros people I connected to. I thought I was incapable of making friends but turns out that if you are lucky to come across the right people, it’s actually really easy! It’s just so hard to find likeminded people. I was lucky. My university actually has a very high proportion of autistic students, which might have helped. I just want you to know that just because you don’t have friends now doesn’t mean that you won’t in future- you’ve probably just not come across people that are likeminded.
chlofinch said:Well I found friends in those who were on the spectrum which was amazing and finally felt understood but I was shocked by the little understanding and empathy colleagues had towards those who were on the spectrum
I'm sorry your colleagues weren't especially understanding - that unfortunately is very common for autistic people. I live in Ireland and for a time I was working at this lovely little shop that sold sweets but the woman there wasn't understanding at all and I had to leave in the end.
That's interesting your mum could be autistic too. Lovely she helped you get diagnosed too. I often wonder if my mum is autistic, she has many of the symptoms and is very sensitive to light and noise. I don't think she would get diagnosed though, but maybe one day.
I'm so sorry how your step mum has reacted to your diagnosis - it's so uncalled for, and unfair to make such horrible comments like attention seeking - a lot of people don't try to understand which is a big problem I think. I'm glad your dad is coming round though, that's good, and I'm glad you have him.
I'm sorry your best friend didn't understand but it's possible she might come round and better understand it better in the future. My cousin read up on it and is now better understanding of autism.
It's really positive to hear your family happy for you - must be nice having relatives who are also autistic. In my family I'm the only one who has autism.
Take5 said:My work with my son continues to make his life go as smoothly as possible into adulthood. Everyone deserves the right to be accepted for who they are and I hope you all one day no longer suffer as a result.
Your son is very lucky to have you in his life. Not every parent is understanding and supportive, it might help you as well knowing he's autistic and you're not on your own.
Yes absolutely, everyone deserves to be happy and accepted in this life.
HMO said:Telling someone I'm autistic is the easy part. Explaining what kind of accommodations I may need is the hard part.
Absolutely! Saying I'm autistic is easy but then trying to explain it is very difficult, especially when people say something like you don't look autistic because then I've no idea what to say or how to explain it.
Congrats on being diagnosed. It's such a big thing - hope you're doing ok now.
I've never understood the oh I'm so sorry comment lol. It makes it sound like it's a life threatening disease, which of course it clearly is not.
Neurotypicals have a very strange view of us for some reason.
I'm so sorry not every reaction was positive but you can be positive in the fact that you know yourself better than anybody else, so even if others judge and doubt, know that you are ok as you are and are valid.
Autism is awesome and so are you
Ann :) said:Ive had lots more reactions but I think I’ll just mention one more to end on a positive one!! when I told close friends it turned out most of them are neurodivergent too!! I just hadn’t know :) big family of aliens :)
Ive had lots more reactions but I think I’ll just mention one more to end on a positive one!!
when I told close friends it turned out most of them are neurodivergent too!! I just hadn’t know :) big family of aliens :)
That's really positive for you - I'm so pleased for you! I don't have any friends, if I ever do I'm hoping they will be neurodivergent as well.
I would like a visual diagram - explaining exactly what autism is supposed to look like. I find the comment quite discouraging, as I find my life can be full of moments of doubt as well and when I hear this it makes me wonder if I have autism.
Darned muggles lol.
I had it said to me, it was joined with, “ we’re all a little bit autistic.” I found the worst reply was, “No, autistic people don’t talk and stare at walls all day.” I must admit my knowledge of autism was very limited. All any of my generation had seen of autism was the Dustin Hoffman film and that didn’t really help, it just reinforced the stereotypical view of autistic people.
My wife remembers her training to become a nurse, out of three years of training, autism was covered in twenty minutes on one morning.
I’ve actually had that comment before too… I think it’s because there is very little education about autism - I myself was absolutely clueless before I was diagnosed (though I would not make such a comment if I am clueless…).
Astridlora said:. Her reply "you don't look autistic..."
I would love to know what an autistic person looks like, I look in the mirror everyday and still haven’t seen one. Maybe someone should sketch one so we will know when we meet another autistic person. Luckily we normally know when we are with our own, it’s just the Muggles who struggle.
I’ve had a wide variety of reactions. My mum though initially confused (as was I) is very supportive and she understands- we realised she’s almost certainly autistic too! My dad thinks I am ruining my life by being autistic and allowing myself to mask less. His reason is that ‘he had to teach himself scripts for conversations and force himself to socialise so this is normal and what I should do too’. I suspect he could be autistic too but I would never mention this to him and I have given up on him ever understanding about me being autistic. We were never that close anyways (parents divorced young) but his reaction is still upsetting. My stepfather’s reaction actually makes me more upset. He seems to be understanding but then when I try to explain to him about some things I find difficult as I’m autistic. He’ll listen but then he’ll say- yes but there could be another explanation for you struggling with this (usually involves blaming my mum). The other day he said ‘you are intelligent, i’m sure if you really set your mind to it and studied other people’s conversation you could learn to have a normal conversation (ie be better at turn taking etc)’ So essentially he is telling me that I should mask…
I’ve also had the following reaction: ‘oh but we’re all a bit autistic’
or the following. You tell someone you are autistic, then they say ‘oh I’m so sorry’ with a tone fit for someone that has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness like endstage cancer.
That’s a conversation I’m not looking forward to in the future. There are a lot of people in my life that I know would either challenge the idea of it or not be interested.
Hope things work out for you all.
I've told very few people. I've been diagnosed rather late in life (age 62)
I've had reactions ranging from disbelief (no - not you?! I don't see that at all) to sympathy (oh no - I'm so sorry...- like I'm suddenly going to become a different person to the one I've always been!
Im still processing my diagnosis (7 months ago) Perhaps when I've got smart answers to those who don't believe me I will tell everyone!
I was diagnosed when I was 8. It's only when I was 20 that I began sharing it with others.
At first, I did get a lot of "I didn't even notice" type stuff. I took it as a compliment at the time but over time I realised they just wanted to ignore the autistic side of me.
Telling someone I'm autistic is the easy part. Explaining what kind of accommodations I may need is the hard part.
Hi
Since discovering my youngest son is autistic and then realising that I am too I have made it my mission to be as supportive as humanly possible.
Reading some of the stories on here have cemented that as I feel concerned for the people who have not been well received when telling their loved ones and friends.
I have always been very accommodating towards people with differences all through my life and always acknowledged them even if they are strangers. My work with my son continues to make his life go as smoothly as possible into adulthood. Everyone deserves the right to be accepted for who they are and I hope you all one day no longer suffer as a result.
Good luck to all