Published on 12, July, 2020
Have you ever had to interact with a certain type of autistic person who believes that their autism gives them a right to your silence? As an autistic person myself I find it incredibly irritating.
like many autistic people i’m used to getting comments about ‘you’re shouting’ when I’m not shouting but I’m talking more loudly than people expect. For me Stimming can be something as simple as humming a musical under my breath. Something that is likely to indicate that I’m stressed out. In fact I’m more stressed out I am the more likely I am to be making some kind of ‘noise.’ Humming, tapping, singing etc. and of course what stresses me out more is being told I’m making ‘noise’ and I need to stop or else.
absolutely one of the most offensive things you can possibly do is to tell me I am ‘laughing too loud.’ because to enjoy humour and comedy you have to have a lack of self consciousness and it’s absolutely impossible to have a lack of self consciousness if you are worrying about ‘laughing too loud.’
so to those people who think autism gives them a right to demand quietness, to turn the whole world into a library (and I say it as someone who likes libraries) I have to say to you respectfully no it doesn’t. Here’s a set of earplugs, deal with it.
but in truth what offends me the most is them speaking on my behalf. equating autism with this supersensitivity to sound. A lot of us do not get this. A lot of us struggle with social issues; it is after all one of the defining aspects of autism, and it’s really unhelpful when Neurotypicals get the wrong end of the stick and think that autism is just somehow some sort of super sensitive hearing / touch thing. Because from my point of view the thing Neurotypicals really need to understand is how autism affects social interaction.
that is one of the two major things all autistic people share, issues with social interaction. it’s the aspect Neurotypicals tend to really struggle to get their heads around. It’s really un helpful when people paint this inaccurate picture of the autistic presentation. You know the stereotype. If you’re autistic you’ve got to be really quiet and painfully polite and a real indoors introvert that would rather deal with animals than people. Someone who can’t stand noise and hates a party and is really adverse to confrontation. A completely rubbish stereotype that is completely the opposite of people like me.
The person in the room laughing the loudest at the most inappropriate joke. The person who is always trying to stave off boredom and likes a good party and dancing to loud music. The guy looking to turn the conversation to something interesting and weird because every day life is so banal. It would be nice for me personally if we could have a bit of representation among the autistic community that represents me. It’s bad enough that the media gets it wrong, it’s intolerable when other autistic people present the quiet stereotypes as being authentic.
It won't i'm afraid. As I have a life long incurable disease. It's not fatal though. Interoceptive is a new word on me. So, thanks for that.
Sleep allows the body to heal and repair itself and I'm a great believer that you need to listen to what your body is telling you. However that's not always easy for autists due to interoceptive differences.
I hope your health situation improves for you.
I've always felt very under the weather if I only have 6 hours. I don't even feel that great off 8 hours. Especially now I am in ill health.
Yes balance is key, trying to completely move to nocturnal living causes as many problems as it solves.
All humans need sleep and when I was working my body would force me to catch up on it during the weekends. Now I tend to stay up until 3am and then sleep for around 6 hours. That works for me and allows me to still make the most of daylight hours. If I do stay up all night I will suffer for it afterwards.
It's a difficult balance. I love being awake all night but I find that when I am, I sleep in too late. Being asleep in the days does not help solve my issues with not being in the world as much as I would like. Again, I think it's just about accepting who you are as an Autist. Life will always be different for us.
Sen said:One of my favourite things to do is to be awake at night, just so I can bask in the silence. It's the one time where I don't get sensory overload from sound. Bliss.
I get this. Years ago when I was studying for exams this was the only time I was able to study. If there was any background noise nothing would go in and learning was impossible. This was long before the days of noise cancelling headphones.
Even now I find my most productive hours are during the night when the world is blissfully quiet. Those silent hours are far too precious to waste sleeping!
You can lead a horse to water...
I think that's part of the reason why I am such a night owl. The quiet of when the rest of the world has gone to bed is bliss.
I prefer quiet. Quiet is friendly whereas loud quickly leads me to sensory overload. I prefer quiet people, quiet places and a quiet world. One of my favourite things to do is to be awake at night, just so I can bask in the silence. It's the one time where I don't get sensory overload from sound. Bliss.
I think people are afraid of Intellect. Too happy, in their wee bubble.
School only teaches enough to perform. The Internet, however, opened a huge Pandora's Box. And now we're witnessing the side effects of a fear-based society.
dear ISperg.
It's always interesting to share points of view and compare them with you. Outside a few misinterpretations of my intent (and a bit of you needlessly slinging baloney at me •teehee•), I think we are in agreement. Your thinking is that "I get what life throws at me." That's your dominant thought, so that's what you get:. No more witnesses, your honor.
I'm sorry but that "you get what you expect" thing is a load of baloney.
I was exposed to that idea decades ago, and adjusted my expectations of people to be more favourable and expect less conflict, and proceeded to fail harder in many ways.
You get what life throws at you.
Your situation and situational awareness are far more crucial to your survival than your expections. With good S.A. and understanding you can indeed relocate to what appears to be a better situation, but again it only works of your expectations are realistic for your new situation.
For example I joined this site with a certain mindset and expectations of my fellow Autists, but the reality I have encountered is simply different. I have not attracted or encountered a coterie of like minded people, indeed some days it's been incredibly hard going.
I read that Richard Bach "if you recognise you have limitiations, lo, they are yours" bullshit as a kid, and found out the hard way that limitations are often externally imposed, and not internally generated.
I keep finding out that although in some areas of life MY LIMIITS are indeed a lot further off than other peoples, (particularly if I find out for myself rather than relying on other peoples indications of where THEY THINK my limitations are. But that's a still a fairly brave and from some perspectives foolish strategy that delivers very variable results indeed.
I don't want to come across as "rubbishing your post" I quite liked the overall sense of it in fact, (very positive, I felt) but this idea that we "get the lives we make for ourselves" is very flawed, if not downright dangerous I've found, and should carry the rider, "if god does not have a different plan for you". (Or for those who do not see reality as a creation, the rider could be "unless unexpected circumstances or random strangers don't come along and ruin it for you, over and over and over, again).
How we deal with the endless setbacks and frustrations that are an inescapable part of every person here's daily routine, is another matter entirely. It can be a matter of character or learned skills.
If you stand still your Point of view narrows to the spot you stand still in and the direction your facing - until you move. every person's experience is first person singular. Nature of the beast.
It is an interesting question.So, as I see it, it works is the power of intent:
Physics is a dynamic, all particles are constantly in motion and some of them are vibe-ing in tandem with others at a distance, sharing, resonating. The dance is infinite and always new. Instead of a 3 body problem we have a quantum particle problem that has no answer and infinite dimensions, the best kind of problem.
When "I" think of something pleasant, I am everywhere and my imagined point of view in 3D can only be a fantasy that consciousnesses itself extends outward as a "me, myself and I", just for fun I imagine, as that's how it feels, that pleasant thing.
We are all out there, dancing the particle dance, fractal expressions cooking up things, people places and things and experiences to play with. We are all each others', imaginary playmates!
So does it really matter, as there really is no "first" anyway? If you focus on "resistance from others", you will attract the right playmates for that, or what ever dominates your thought.
I am "here" to enjoy, then, I am "there' to enjoy. I would rather focus on that which makes me feel expansive and I could never by anywhere else. It's physics!
This is the the only answer we can ever come up with, reaching beyond our fantasy 3D barriers.
In short, I can always give my foot a push, If 'm not where I want to be. The particles will inform the "moment" in response to my feelings. ergo we feel, we stay we go. We get to choose. physics!
** BTW the various worlds in Buddhism are to show us options within ourselves, we are living them as we move towards or away from any one of them.
sorry. I sometimes get inspired to spin out the bellicosity!
I wonder if some of it is more about group dynamics...some have more influence than others and some are more easily influenced than others.
Well that’s a vexed question. I’ll be honest I didn’t really follow the Buddhist metaphors but who ‘came first’ in a social circle is definitely subjective. Like say my loud extroverted friend starts dating a quite introvert. And because of that two previously separate friendships groups, a loud and quiet one, start mixing more. And the people in both groups, including my friend, start acting more introverted. I mean from my point of view I was there first. I was their friend first. I was hanging out with lots of people there first. People who came in from the other friend group might see it differently.
Or say I go to a club and a lot of introverted quiet people arrive around the time a lot of noisy extroverted people leave. Again from my point of view I was here first. But because a lot of people in the club have no point of reference for how rowdy the was before they may not see it that way.
Often in life if you stand still while the crowd around you is moving in the same direction you look like the one who’s trying to force everybody else to change. When in reality it is everybody else who is trying to force you to change.
Have you seen the film Two Lane Blacktop starring James Taylor? It's a good one.
Again I would ask, not who has the right or who gets to dominate a space and time but...
who was there first?
.
I think that's the trump card, myself.
If these denizens of the world of Angry Gods were there first, engaged in some verbal high amplitude parlance, I doubt that those living in the Diva world would want to stick around, they would be in a Diva friendly place.
If, on the other hand, the Angry God's verbal fist i-cuffs happened to spill out of the ring and over, into the world of the Divas, who were there first, minding their own minds, then I would presume the Angry Gods would have enough situational awareness to pardon them selves and retreat back into the boxing ring, yes, no?
If they do not, to me it would feel like an hostile act of aggression, or a time-space land grab.
I also feel that, if a person is unhappy with a point of discussion, amplitude, delivery, pitch etc., surely they can just walk away without having to make demands on others, --unless they live in the land of Angry Gods where such things are de rigueur.
thats all really good advise.
I use these silicon putty plugs that fit just around the ear hole at night. They knock out up to100% depending on the frequency. I also have noise canceling headphones that have settings. - next May I am looking forward to seeing James Taylor at a large outdoor event with my new noise canceling head phones. Being out doors should be easier and feel less hemmed in.
Don't know what sort of gigs you go to, but a handy trick to preserve your hearing is to take eiither in ear earplugs (or be able to diy some out of moistened tissue) and if the music lacks clarity I.E. they are driving the P.A. so hard that the amplifiers are "clipping" then THAT is the time to discreetly fit some earplugs when no one is looking.
And for those who drive do not drive at speed with the window down if you want your right ear to work when you get older.
I am an Autist who does not mind sitting out in the Sun. I get a lot of sensory pleasure from it.