Published on 12, July, 2020
Have you ever had to interact with a certain type of autistic person who believes that their autism gives them a right to your silence? As an autistic person myself I find it incredibly irritating.
like many autistic people i’m used to getting comments about ‘you’re shouting’ when I’m not shouting but I’m talking more loudly than people expect. For me Stimming can be something as simple as humming a musical under my breath. Something that is likely to indicate that I’m stressed out. In fact I’m more stressed out I am the more likely I am to be making some kind of ‘noise.’ Humming, tapping, singing etc. and of course what stresses me out more is being told I’m making ‘noise’ and I need to stop or else.
absolutely one of the most offensive things you can possibly do is to tell me I am ‘laughing too loud.’ because to enjoy humour and comedy you have to have a lack of self consciousness and it’s absolutely impossible to have a lack of self consciousness if you are worrying about ‘laughing too loud.’
so to those people who think autism gives them a right to demand quietness, to turn the whole world into a library (and I say it as someone who likes libraries) I have to say to you respectfully no it doesn’t. Here’s a set of earplugs, deal with it.
but in truth what offends me the most is them speaking on my behalf. equating autism with this supersensitivity to sound. A lot of us do not get this. A lot of us struggle with social issues; it is after all one of the defining aspects of autism, and it’s really unhelpful when Neurotypicals get the wrong end of the stick and think that autism is just somehow some sort of super sensitive hearing / touch thing. Because from my point of view the thing Neurotypicals really need to understand is how autism affects social interaction.
that is one of the two major things all autistic people share, issues with social interaction. it’s the aspect Neurotypicals tend to really struggle to get their heads around. It’s really un helpful when people paint this inaccurate picture of the autistic presentation. You know the stereotype. If you’re autistic you’ve got to be really quiet and painfully polite and a real indoors introvert that would rather deal with animals than people. Someone who can’t stand noise and hates a party and is really adverse to confrontation. A completely rubbish stereotype that is completely the opposite of people like me.
The person in the room laughing the loudest at the most inappropriate joke. The person who is always trying to stave off boredom and likes a good party and dancing to loud music. The guy looking to turn the conversation to something interesting and weird because every day life is so banal. It would be nice for me personally if we could have a bit of representation among the autistic community that represents me. It’s bad enough that the media gets it wrong, it’s intolerable when other autistic people present the quiet stereotypes as being authentic.
So.. if you walk into a quiet space where there is not much noise, a quiet gathering of, say, 3 people. Would you feel that group should allow for your pumped up amplitude? Or would you walk away and find a group that matched your amplitude? There are place designed for quiet and those for noise. OR - I imagine it's a question of who was there first, yes? If so I don't see the problem here.
but in my experence it tends to be the other way around. the 'quiet' ones come in to a party and say 'why is it so noisy in here.' mostly metaphoricly but sometimes literaly.
Perhaps it's a case by case situation. Perhaps those folks came to the party with a expectation they would find accommodation and don't or they were inexperienced or the noise was higher than usual. so many factors. I don't now that many autistic peopl that would actually go to a party. I don't.
I also don't understand how noise can be metaphorical. That has all kinds of images colliding inn my brain.
You can lead a horse to water...
I think people are afraid of Intellect. Too happy, in their wee bubble.
School only teaches enough to perform. The Internet, however, opened a huge Pandora's Box. And now we're witnessing the side effects of a fear-based society.
dear ISperg.
It's always interesting to share points of view and compare them with you. Outside a few misinterpretations of my intent (and a bit of you needlessly slinging baloney at me •teehee•), I think we are in agreement. Your thinking is that "I get what life throws at me." That's your dominant thought, so that's what you get:. No more witnesses, your honor.
I'm sorry but that "you get what you expect" thing is a load of baloney.
I was exposed to that idea decades ago, and adjusted my expectations of people to be more favourable and expect less conflict, and proceeded to fail harder in many ways.
You get what life throws at you.
Your situation and situational awareness are far more crucial to your survival than your expections. With good S.A. and understanding you can indeed relocate to what appears to be a better situation, but again it only works of your expectations are realistic for your new situation.
For example I joined this site with a certain mindset and expectations of my fellow Autists, but the reality I have encountered is simply different. I have not attracted or encountered a coterie of like minded people, indeed some days it's been incredibly hard going.
I read that Richard Bach "if you recognise you have limitiations, lo, they are yours" bullshit as a kid, and found out the hard way that limitations are often externally imposed, and not internally generated.
I keep finding out that although in some areas of life MY LIMIITS are indeed a lot further off than other peoples, (particularly if I find out for myself rather than relying on other peoples indications of where THEY THINK my limitations are. But that's a still a fairly brave and from some perspectives foolish strategy that delivers very variable results indeed.
I don't want to come across as "rubbishing your post" I quite liked the overall sense of it in fact, (very positive, I felt) but this idea that we "get the lives we make for ourselves" is very flawed, if not downright dangerous I've found, and should carry the rider, "if god does not have a different plan for you". (Or for those who do not see reality as a creation, the rider could be "unless unexpected circumstances or random strangers don't come along and ruin it for you, over and over and over, again).
How we deal with the endless setbacks and frustrations that are an inescapable part of every person here's daily routine, is another matter entirely. It can be a matter of character or learned skills.