I don’t like the quiet ones.

Sen said:

One of my favourite things to do is to be awake at night, just so I can bask in the silence. It's the one time where I don't get sensory overload from sound. Bliss.

I get this. Years ago when I was studying for exams this was the only time I was able to study. If there was any background noise nothing would go in and learning was impossible. This was long before the days of noise cancelling headphones.

Even now I find my most productive hours are during the night when the world is blissfully quiet. Those silent hours are far too precious to waste sleeping!

You can lead a horse to water...

I prefer quiet. Quiet is friendly whereas loud quickly leads me to sensory overload. I prefer quiet people, quiet places and a quiet world. One of my favourite things to do is to be awake at night, just so I can bask in the silence. It's the one time where I don't get sensory overload from sound. Bliss.

I think people are afraid of Intellect. Too happy, in their wee bubble.

School only teaches enough to perform. The Internet, however, opened a huge Pandora's Box. And now we're witnessing the side effects of a fear-based society.

dear ISperg.

It's always interesting to share points of view and compare them with you. Outside a few misinterpretations of my intent (and a bit of you needlessly slinging baloney at me •teehee•), I think we are in agreement. Your thinking is that "I get what life throws at me." That's your dominant thought, so that's what you get:. No more witnesses, your honor.

I'm sorry but that "you get what you expect" thing is a load of baloney.

I was exposed to that idea decades ago, and adjusted my expectations of people to be more favourable and expect less conflict, and proceeded to fail harder in many ways.

You get what life throws at you. 

Your situation and situational awareness are far more crucial to your survival than your expections. With good S.A. and understanding you can indeed relocate to what appears to be a better situation, but again it only works of your expectations are realistic for your new situation.

For example I joined this site with a certain mindset and expectations of my fellow Autists, but the reality I have encountered is simply different. I have not attracted or encountered a coterie of like minded people, indeed some days it's been incredibly hard going.

I read that Richard Bach "if you recognise you have limitiations, lo, they are yours" bullshit as a kid, and found out the hard way that limitations are often externally imposed, and not internally generated. 

I keep finding out that although in some areas of life MY LIMIITS are indeed a lot further off than other peoples, (particularly if I find out for myself rather than relying on other peoples indications of where THEY THINK my limitations are. But that's a still a fairly brave and from some perspectives foolish strategy that delivers very variable results indeed.

I don't want to come across as "rubbishing your post" I quite liked the overall sense of it in fact, (very positive, I felt) but this idea that we "get the lives we make for ourselves" is very flawed, if not downright dangerous I've found, and should carry the rider, "if god does not have a different plan for you". (Or for those who do not see reality as a creation, the rider could be "unless unexpected circumstances or random strangers don't come along and ruin it for you, over and over and over, again).

How we deal with the endless setbacks and frustrations that are an inescapable part of every person here's daily routine, is another matter entirely. It can be a matter of character or learned skills.  

If you stand still your Point of view narrows to the spot you stand still in and the direction your facing - until you move. every person's experience is first person singular. Nature of the beast.

It is an interesting question.So, as I see it, it works is the power of intent:

Physics is a dynamic, all particles are constantly in motion and some of them are vibe-ing in tandem with others at a distance, sharing, resonating. The dance is infinite and always new. Instead of a 3 body problem we have a quantum particle problem that has no answer and infinite dimensions, the best kind of problem.

When "I" think of something pleasant, I am everywhere and my imagined point of view in 3D can only be a fantasy that consciousnesses itself extends outward as a "me, myself and I", just for fun I imagine, as that's how it feels, that pleasant thing.

We are all out there, dancing the particle dance, fractal expressions cooking up things, people places and things and experiences to play with. We are all each others', imaginary playmates!

So does it really matter, as there really is no "first" anyway? If you focus on "resistance from others", you will attract the right playmates for that, or what ever dominates your thought.

I am "here" to enjoy, then, I am "there' to enjoy. I would rather focus on that which makes me feel expansive and I could never by anywhere else. It's physics!

This is the the only answer we can ever come up with, reaching beyond our fantasy 3D barriers.

In short, I can always give my foot a push, If 'm not where I want to be. The particles will inform the "moment" in response to my feelings. ergo we feel, we stay we go. We get to choose. physics! 

** BTW the various worlds in Buddhism are to show us options within ourselves, we are living them as we move towards or away from any one of them.

sorry. I sometimes get inspired to spin out the bellicosity! 

I wonder if some of it is more about group dynamics...some have more influence than others and some are more easily influenced than others. 

Well that’s a vexed question. I’ll be honest I didn’t really follow the Buddhist metaphors but who ‘came first’ in a social circle is definitely subjective. Like say my loud extroverted friend starts dating a quite introvert. And because of that two previously separate friendships groups, a loud and quiet one, start mixing more. And the people in both groups, including my friend, start acting more introverted. I mean from my point of view I was there first. I was their friend first. I was hanging out with lots of people there first. People who came in from the other friend group might see it differently.

Or say I go to a club and a lot of introverted quiet people arrive around the time a lot of noisy extroverted people leave. Again from my point of view I was here first. But because a lot of people in the club have no point of reference for how rowdy the was before they may not see it that way.

Often in life if you stand still while the crowd around you is moving in the same direction you look like the one who’s trying to force everybody else to change. When in reality it is everybody else who is trying to force you to change.

Again I would ask, not who has the right or who gets to dominate a space and time but...

who was there first?

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I think that's the trump card, myself.

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If these denizens of the world of Angry Gods were there first, engaged in some verbal high amplitude parlance, I doubt that those living in the Diva world would want to stick around, they would be in a Diva friendly place.

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If, on the other hand, the Angry God's verbal fist i-cuffs happened to spill out of the ring and over, into the world of the Divas, who were there first, minding their own minds, then I would presume the Angry Gods would have enough situational awareness to pardon them selves and retreat back into the boxing ring, yes, no?

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If they do not, to me it would feel like an hostile act of aggression, or a time-space land grab.

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I also feel that, if a person is unhappy with a point of discussion, amplitude, delivery, pitch etc., surely they can just walk away without having to make demands on others, --unless they live in the land of Angry Gods where such things are de rigueur.

Noise is physically painful to me. I researched and bought the best industrial ear defenders on the market and wear them, sometimes with earplugs too, which cuts out people talking at normal volumes but not if they are yelling.

If I could have a surgery to remove my hearing, I would.

I understand that some people have hypo rather than hypersensitivity. I have that with light. I love bright sunlight and the kind of bright fluorescent lighting you get in public buildings, and hate dim environments. But I understand that's unusual for autistics and so I put up with dim, dingy environments when hanging out with autistic people as I don't want them to be in pain.

My head is always noisy. It doesn't really make much difference when the outside world is quiet because my head is always loud... Never any peace. Today I managed to get out for a walk and got to a quiet place but my mind was so loud.

While there are many things I don't like, I've discovered that adopting an unassuming and respectful attitude makes life easier for everyone involved. This Christmas, among the ten of us gathered around the table, four have been diagnosed with ASD Level 2, and another three are likely undiagnosed but show signs of ASD. The rest of the group has encountered various conditions, having at some stage expressed experiencing anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, MDD, or other similar challenges. It's a tough world where many of us are diagnosed with a string of such conditions. The point is, despite all our unique challenges, we seem to have gotten along well in each other's presence by simply being understanding and respectful of one another.

I quietly and reservedly complimented the headphones of the quiet kid I had never met before, and later, he willingly opened up and took pictures of my water-cooled PC as I quietly showed him around my room. While still remaining quiet, he seemed pleased to be interacting. Not long before leaving, the quiet kid's sister immediately joked about handshaking being a manly thing after I had just shaken her hand and then her brother's. However, she felt much more comfortable and accepted when I then gave her a hug. I explained that the heat of the day made me feel sticky and that I had not meant any offense and, in fact, wanted to hug but was unsure. She explained that they were a hugging family, which I was pleased to hear because I too also like to hug.

I'm no angel, as I have had extreme outbursts with people across the street involving police and child welfare intervention, where they are now the ones avoiding eye contact and being less loud and more respectful. Things are not always as they seem when it comes to ASD, let alone people with whatever challenges. Often, many of us learn the hard way, but it helps not to box people in by our likes and dislikes.

Well you can have mental stimulation of an extreme nature without any actual noise. For instance have you ever encountered the phrase ‘kittens.’

One of my friends once upon a time invented a codeword ‘kittens‘ and asserted that any time the codeword was used the topic of the conversation should change because it was freaking people out. So you could say it wasn’t so much of a loud talking but offended some people but the loud ‘topics.’

and we’re not talking about angry shouting matches here, just a couple of good-natured people discussing some contentious issue in an academic or intellectual way, but there’s maybe a third person there who is sitting quietly put off by the topic who wants us to change the topic instead of just moving to another table for five minutes.

I thought this was an absolutely stupid idea. what I should’ve done is owned it and wrecked it from the inside. by calling out kittens every time someone talked about something boring like ‘school catchment areas’ or ‘mortgage rates.’

The thing is, I feel contradicted within myself in terms of sensitivities. Some of it is over sensitive,  some is sensory seeking. A lot depends on control. I learned today some noise can aid concentration (reading a book in a noisy pub) whereas at home I struggle to read if there are any additional noises. In terms of introvert/extravert/ambiver,t  I see this as separate from autism and although introversion is my natural disposition, I flit between these depending on the situation and who I'm with. 

...or on, or ready to don.

Perhaps it's a case by case situation. Perhaps those folks came to the party with a expectation they would find accommodation and don't or they were inexperienced or the noise was higher than usual. so many factors. I don't now that many autistic peopl that would actually go to a party. I don't.

I also don't understand how noise can be metaphorical. That has all kinds of images colliding inn my brain.

bose noise canceling head phones are amazing! I have them around my neck most of the time in public.

I'm rural, but love loud music. It's about being myself. Best of both worlds.

Cities have those who 'Karen' you if their sleep is disturbed. It happened me, in a Neighbourhood Watch area. In Dun Laoghaire; during my Placement Year. On reflection, I was naïve; and wasn't aware of city idiosyncrasies. But it was the slippery slope to the dobbing culture of 2020.

but in my experence it tends to be the other way around. the 'quiet' ones come in to a party and say 'why is it so noisy in here.' mostly metaphoricly but sometimes literaly.