Published on 12, July, 2020
Why is it whenever I make friends they want me to change and be different? I work hard at friendships and not once has anyone ever accepted me for who I am. It's getting annoying now. I feel like I'm getting somewhere and then they show their true colours.
I guess it depends what they want you to do differently, and if you're experiencing RSD /dysregulation over whatever happened. I can only speak for myself but when I'm experiencing those things I take everything that anyone says badly.
I can't figure out ppl either. I have realized I'm a people pleaser and do things I am not comfortable with just to fit in/not make a scene but my watch seems to be telling me the more I socialize the more stressed I get. This can't be good for me!
I gotta admit I'm leaning towards not bothering with friends. Being alone is less lonely than being with people who don't understand/want you to change (or 'get better')
As with any kind of relationship, friendships involve compromise. Whilst we might have traits that annoy our friends, good friends (true friends) will generally be more accommodating and tolerant of our flaws... or at least that's been my experience with the majority of my friends.
If your friends cannot accept you for being you, then maybe you need to ask yourself if they are worthy of your friendship. Based on what you have written, I think you already know the answer to that.
Two statements that brought an ironic smile and that sadly I tend to agree with:
Judge Dredd said:Embrace solitude
π Bees π (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:the problem is statistically speaking most people are just crap
It's not that there aren't good people out there or that you are mystically undeserving of acceptance, no, the problem is statistically speaking most people are just crap. You just have to keep looking for the good ones and hope you and they click when you find them, it's not impossible to find and make actual friends it's just you have put a lot of fake ones through the litmus test first.
This is what I experienced with my "friends". I ditched them all many years ago, never felt better. Embrace solitude, mate. Enjoy yourself.
In what way do they want you to change and be different?
I learnt that true friends accept us the way we are. If they dont they i dont want them as a friend. It hasnt always been like this though. Some friends made demands on me, were jealous of my independence. I didnt realise at the time. Hopefully you will find the right friends for you to have in your life x
If they expect you to be different and to change then they aren't worthy to be your friends. You deserve to be around people who like you for who you are. I hope you will find such people to be friends with. You deserve better than what you've got at the moment that's for sure.