Unnecessary anxiety??

NAS86592 said:

Never having lived a life as a minority you will never ever grasp or understand the "vibes" associated with attitudes that are received

As a very white skinned Scotsman living in Brazil I do know what it is to be in a minority, and I do get plenty of stereotyping and bias based around this.

I do however call people out on it where I see prejudice and ask them to explain themselves - this typically results in them getting flustered, apologising or making a fast getaway while losing face to their friends.

Only once did it escalate to violence but a well timed Glasgow Kiss dealt with that incident and earned me respect in that bar. It is not a route I have any joy in persuing but I won't let myself be messed around with if I can possibly do something about it.

NAS86592 said:

I'm just too tired and old to be interested in changing the world or attutudes, but am still entitled to the kind of respect accorded to everyone that I diplay.

I'm a believer that respect has to be earned. Common decency is rarity in modern scociety with it becoming much more self centered so we have to go the extra mile if we are to command respect. It sucks but there is nothing we can do to change society, only those we have some contact or influence over.

I get what you mean about being tired, but the moment you grow tired of life you start to get old - fast.

Never having lived a life as a minority you will never ever grasp or understand the "vibes" associated with attitudes that are received  from those who are part of a majority group. Bravado has nothing to do with it.  Based on my experiences of life attitudes are difficult to change. Your pragmatic approach as an autie is understandable. My "binary" response ---as you call it --- is probabley based on my own autistic gut feelings accumulated over my lifetime and are very personal to me. Your analysis to conclude the views of my neighbours of me, may or may not be true. I am part of three minorities and I do not propose that each and every negative interreaction is an antisemetic one. I speak with a heavy Brooklyn accent and can judge immediately if it is off putting, or if it is my spoken communication weaknesses as an autie.  In short, perhaps I am taking the cowards way out --- I'm just too tired and old to be interested in changing the world or attutudes, but am still entitled to the kind of respect accorded to everyone that I diplay.

Thanks for your input. 

NAS86592 said:

if I am viewed  with predudice there are only two options---as I see it.:

1. walk away and ignore it

2. argue the point 

2 points to discuss here:

1 - When you sat you are viewed with prejudice, do you just mean when people are rude / aggressive towards you personally or are are they using one of the dictionary decinitions of having "Irrational suspicion or hatred of a particular social group" ?

If it is the latter, have they stated their animosity to your socal group or are you assuming this?

2 - There are more than two options on how to react. You only list "fight or flight" responses - these are extremes so I would advocate trying something in between if you are brave enough. You don't have to argue - you can ask why they are responding the way they are, ask them to stop or just say "look, lets start over - let me introduce myself..."

Having this sort of binary response is only making things worse and it is likely to only escalate as your neighbours will see you as either a coward or an antagonist.

Unless they are insulting your religion then antisemitism isn't the cause.

I am not in control of  others perceptions of me. I try to make a good first impression  but if I am viewed  with predudice there are only two options---as I see it.:

1. walk away and ignore it

2. argue the point  which from my experience is a waste of time attempting to change an ingrained attitude. 

The news media has reported a %300 increase in antisemitism. I think your semantics  on my word choice is unjustified. 

I think that anxiety generally speaking, is dependent on a person not finding the necessary aspects of a solution, despite their every intention of knowing how to aim themselves.. otherwise it would be concern..

NAS86592 said:

There is no "bone of contention" with any of my neighbours. I have neither said or done anything to warrent such action to be taken.

If they consider you to be something undesirable (as I hypothesised they may consider you a dodgy pedo on the run from US justice or some other rubbish) then they may see this as justification enough to make your life miserable,

Maybe they are just a-holes and this is what the do for fun. Who knows.

The point is that it will probably continue until you get to know them and let them see you are a decent bloke after all. You shouldn't have to do this, but it seems the best way out of the current situation.

On a purely practical note I would also look to setup some CCTV to monitor your car and catch whatever scumbag is keying it and report them to the police for criminal damage.

I get what your saying. I will try to be more precise in my choice of wording.

For me " the lens of 'my' morals, experiences and judgements" has determined new keyed marks on my car.  There is no "bone of contention" with any of my neighbours. I have neither said or done anything to warrent such action to be taken.

NAS86592 said:

Perhaps that is why I haven't found my place in it---it's not my world. I see things pragmatically for what they truly are

I found that it helps to realise that we can never see things for what they truly are - we can only interprit them through the lens of out morals, experiences and knowledge.

It helps to use terminology like "I think", "I believe" and "in my opinion" when discussing something other than hard fact (eg a location, a date and to a degree the numbers quoted for things - but quoting sources).

We often hear news reported from one side or the other of an event (think of casualties in the Russia-Ukraine conflict) and then we hear from a third party (eg Red Cross) - the numbers never tally up so any "truth" is often subject to bias.

Even history is written by the victors and is often up for regular re-writing. Look at the history of the colonisation of the USA and how the natives part in that story was lied about, atrocities by the US Army covered up and the story taken as truth until relatively recently when advocates for native American rights started digging out old official records rather than the history books.

I'm certain the middle east conflict is rife with this as well and with the length of it, it seems inevitable that there is little hard facts to be gleaned from the bones of that history that help establish the truth of events.

Even in everyday life your perspective on what your neighbours is doing to you is probably quite different to theirs - they may see you as the freaky old American with lots of strange habits that must be some sex offender running away from justice back home - or whatever story they think up as plausable.

That may be their reality and the fact it has no basis in reality doesn't matter to them - it is a narrative that fits so must be true. It isn't fair, but it is the sort of world we live in

Short of dispelling the myth by actually getting to know them  I don't know of any way to overcome whatever bone of contention exists.

Perhaps that is why I haven't found my place in it---it's not my world. I see things pragmatically for what they truly are and not according to what politically biased groups imposses. 

NAS86592 said:

A rose is still a rose by any other name. You are what youe are

That is a dangerous statement to make in this day and age.

If I were to say I had changed and identified as a woman then your statement would be denying my ability to do this. It would most likely lead to you being seen as perpetrating hate crimes (just see what happened to JK Rowling).

I don't want to discuss the merit of these decisions or the rights involved, but point out that we live in a highly fluid society now and to deny anyone the right to be what they want to be is likely to lead to a backlash against you.

The world now is quite different to the one you grew up in.

A rose is still a rose by any other name. You are what youe are.

Thanks for your kind comments, but I have spent a lifetime trying to find my place. It seems to be here on this forum with you kind people

Thank you, It's all our world and none of ours at the same time. You have a place in it.  Take care.

My friend, I am truly very sorry for you that some individuals feel the need to treat you in such a distasteful way. You would think they would have something better to do wouldn't you? It's their loss, in my opinion that they choose to treat you like that than get to know you. Keep your head up high and don't waste your precious time on the likes of people like that! You are better than that and worth more than that.

I've lived and worked all over England through many years, and now reside in Norfolk. Admittedly it's not the most culturally advanced place I've spent time in, but it must be 40 plus years since I heard the term 'Negro' used openly in public speech. Perhaps you reap what you sow.

Iran, Hammas,rockets etc.

tens of thousands of Palestinian Bedouins who live in the region.

This is a contradiction of terms. Bedouins (desert dwellers) originated on the Arabian Peninsular spreading themselves throughout the harsh deserts. Bedouins are not endemic to any place in particular which is why they are called Bedouins let alone "tens of thousands of Palestinians Bedouins, as you claim.

Your sort of comment comes with being an old dinosaur, so no  offence is taken by the longest of shots.

My life  has been a turmoil of changes --- some good, some bad. Yes, the world continues to spin around irrespective of our perspective.

Best wishes.

I hope this doesn’t offend you, but you remind me a little of my dad.

In his last years he said something to me that I’ve never forgotten: that he always thought the world was getting worse and worse as the years went by, but now he realised that it isn’t. It just changes, as it always has, and for better or worse the world will continue.

As I get older myself the more I can empathise with that and with what you’ve just written.

All the best.

Joe, Your post actually choked me up with emotion. I have come to the realization this is not my world. I am a reclusive dinosaur still trying to make sense of it all, and very poorly. I reluctantly came to these shores 52 years ago owing to my first English wife who was very pregnant with my first son. I have had to tolerate  and abide by many cultural differences along the way in my attempts to integrate myself while trying to forget the life I left behind and loved.  My participation has been an uphill struggle for me. I have witnessed many socio-economic changes and challanges I have disagreed with spread over 52 years of my residence ---many of which have, and still do, stick sideways in my craw. We autistics are an emotional lot.

I did not intend for this thread to deviate as it did from its intended theme. For that I am deeply sorry. I need to focus on keeping an emotional check on myself, through these emotive times we are in. Thank you for allowing me time to take stock through your comments. I have left a long trail of discontent that will hopefully end at this milestone.