Will I ever figure out how to human?

NAS65321 said:

People with ASD are massivley over thinkers anyway.

You speak with truths which is why I have adopted " Do not distress yourself with imaginings" and try to rely on objective facts.

I am 53 and I share many of your traits. You can learn how to control some of those to a certian extent, like you have already shown but some things will still be there.  You have a lot going on, for instance I knew I never wanted kids, I now know thats the autism, I could never cope with the sacrifices involved. I have found that I go through good and bad parts of my live where the aurism retreats a bit when things go well. Then it comes back with a vengenance and melt downs. I think it is import ant not to be too hard on your self and think too much into what you think other people think, if that makes sense? People with ASD are massivley over thinkers anyway.

Your complexities and consequential struggles are challenging for you. I believe you will need professional help and hope you find some solice.

NAS89256 said:

I would like to believe that everyone could relate to my experiences but so far I just do not have any evidence of this being true. 

I'm a bit puzzled by this. Do you mean everyone in general, or other autistic people? Of the traits you relate in your initial post, I share some, but not all, but they certainly point to you being autistic. Autistic people are all individual, their autistic traits are also individual, though there is usually considerable overlap. I share your dislike of being touched by anyone I do not know well. When I am being light hearted and facetious, people, even my own children, often think I'm being deadly serious. Unlike you, I am fairly good at decision-making and I suspect that you don't have a visceral and debilitating disgust if you touch nylon fabric, like I do. Autistic people, like all people, are individuals with individual abilities and problems. That is why autism is called a spectrum condition.

None of the tests are ideal. They all have ambiguous, outdatedly stereotypical or otherwise badly worded questions. Try not to get caught in mental looping over any single question, just fill it out so that your answer relates to you the best way, within the options available, and move on. The tests have many questions, so that the effect of any individual answer, that may not be ideal, is heavily diluted.

One of the stupidest questions is the 'museum or theatre' question. It is entirely subjective, depending on what play is on at the theatre and what the museum is a museum of. Given the choice between Macbeth with Peter Goold and the National Museum of Football, it would be the theatre. 

The best counter to “aren’t we all a little bit autistic?”, is, but only a small minority of people are diagnosable as autistic. That a psychiatrist said the phrase is very shocking.

Because autism is assessed on traits, not physical diagnostic tests (like diabetes etc.), there will be people with many autistic characteristics that do not quite get over the diagnostic threshold. For these people it is a fine line. For the majority of neurotypicals there would be a very substantial gap between them and diagnosable autistics.

Thank you. Have you heard a phase “aren’t we all a little bit autistic?”. This is something my psychiatrist wrote to me discouraging me getting an assessment done.

I would like to believe that everyone could relate to my experiences but so far I just do not have any evidence of this being true. 

Do you see this as a fine line between neurotypical and non-neurotypical or is it a huge gap you cannot fill?

In some way, but he more takes my explanations as excuses rather than something he could support me with.

for example I often ask him what exactly I should say in one situation or another so he knows that I have good intentions but he mostly says that it doesn’t work like that and he cannot tell me what to say 

Thank you. I tried filling in the test but does anyone else find the questions and answers very confusing?

like there is no accurate answer from the couple of options they give so I get stuck at every question.

and then the questions are also like how good are you at this, how good are you at that but I so often think I am good at smth and then the reality for other people  turned out to be totally different 

Does your husband understand your responses and lend support?

NAS89256 said:

I feel there is not one person I ever met who understands my struggles.

Isn't it just!

Nice one Martin.

Ben

That is it in a nutshell. 

Perfectly summed up.

The answer is, if you are autistic you will never become not autistic. However, self-knowledge is empowering. Knowing that you are autistic, even if you are not formally diagnosed, opens up a wealth of advice and fellow-feeling from other autistic people. You are no longer alone, there are many fellow travellers out there, who have had the same or similar experiences and traits as you. Once you can see things from an autistic viewpoint, work arounds for social situations and other problems are available. When you are no longer trying to live up to unrealistic neurotypical standards, life can become somewhat less stressful.

NAS89256 said:

I feel like an alien and I guess need to know are there aliens like me. And if there are, did you figure it out?

Yes, a lot of what you say rings bells.

There is something known as a 'Triad of Impairments' with regard to autism so reading through this is a good start.