Published on 12, July, 2020
The years I’ve been accused of a lot of things a lot of different times. Mostly in relation to things driven by aspects of my autism that people took objection to. Looking back and reflecting I started to notice that the way I’ve dealt with these situations has changed over the years.
My first reaction to an accusation used to be to give some one what I call a bruised toe apology. as if you were apologising to someone who’s toes you’d had just stepped on. It’s not really intended as an admission of culpability. You didn’t mean for it to happen and you couldn’t possibly have foreseen it happening and wasn’t as if you were unusually careless. It’s more an expression of regret your actions inadvertently caused somebody else pain.
But I have discovered that as the years have gone on and I’ve been attacked more and more and accused more and more I’ve stopped giving these apologies. Too often they are interpreted as some sort of admission of guilt and people will turn around and say well he admits it therefore we’ve every reason to punish him and blame him and censure him and kick him out.
There are some people who just don’t want to be reasonable and who will never be satisfied with an apology or an explanation. They’re too many people out there who will judge you guilty as soon as the accusation is made and will admit no latitude for any consideration on your behalf.
It’s been my experience that if you make an apology these individuals will jump on it and use it as grounds to try and convince everybody else that you are guilty as charged; must be excommunicated as soon as possible. Conversely if you make no apology they will accuse you of being completely uncontright, incorrigible and therefore completely unworthy of any consideration. You can’t win with these people, but if instead of apologising you start by attacking the substance of the accusations as soon as possible and as directly as possible you at least have a chance to stop them shutting down the debate before it starts.
If your defence is that your autism occasionally causes you to come off as a bit of an arsehole adopting an argumentative approach that makes you seem needlessly belligerent is not actually that harmful to your case. Afterwards after you’ve made all your arguments, inserted all the caveats, then you can make your apology. just make sure that no one could mistake it for an admission of culpability.
The important thing is to get your foot in the door in the argument so those open to the possibility of autism as an excuse can actually get to hear your side of the story
So I’m really curious to hear how you deal with being accused? Have you noticed the way you handle it has changed over time?
Like how ?
Seconded - you're very kind Def!
A.T.M!
It isn;t always, you sometimes have to take the rough with the smooth...
You do as well. I think everyone does it's a very warm and friendly place here^^
Thank you so much.
You are very kind Def :)
That's the issue sometimes it's kind of like you can't win
You can mask to please people and "fit" in but it's damaging :-/
I wish people were more supportive and understanding with autism
I do like talking here though it's great that we all understand each other :)
Actually Pegg, you are.
You've revealed yourself to have some substance and some physical beauty both of which are seriously strong attributes when it comes to obtaining a mate.
That never sits well with the competition. Even if you are not actually competing...
You to Pegg.
I think you have many friends here Goosey
You sound like a really sensitive sole.We are all here if you ever need to vent.
It's hard though Goosey. There's parts of me which have very much consciously "stuck to my guns" over the years and its definitely paid off, but there are other aspects which haven't = mask and burnout.
I don't interact with many people outside my family but if I was confused I think I would be really anxious and not really know why I'm being accused.
I would over think it really quickly and probably have a meltdown.
Agreed be yourself always everyone
Do and be how you want to be don't change for anyone else ^^
Hnag = Hang
You may not be threatening verbally,but you may be threatening in other ways........I.e.....More intelligent.........More attractiveor even more appealing to other Guys.My point is Pegg, it is not you,it is them.Stick on here , all the ladies here will welcome you with open arms.Hnag tough Pegg.
They sound threatened in some way.
I am so not threatening though! I wish people could see that...
Thanks Def Leppard- everyone here has been kind to me, it's very nice!
Sorry, Ant = Any
Pegg, What other people think of you is NOT your problem, it is theirs.They sound threatened in some way. Do yourself a favour, dont waste mental energy on them, use it for yourself.Ant Females who acted towards you on here like that would not last long.So.................Keep SMILING.......
lol