How do YOU deal with being accused?

I share your belief. I am currently living the life of a social pariah. No, it can't be shaken off---not to my experience.

It's simple, I don't get accused of things because I don't do bad things or pi*s people off! Just be nice and stay on the right side of people and they will leave you in peace. It's a win/win solution! 

Okay one of the recurring themes I’m seeing here is people talking about trying to avoid the situations in the first place often by being very selective about the company they keep and where they go.

but what if that isn’t an option? what if that option was taken away from you and you were forced to socialise with people who may not be considerate or understanding in the first instance? For example in work, or if it’s a straight choice between near total social isolation and being around people some of whom might not be accommodating of your autistic differences?

One way that people can avoid situations is to simply never say anything, never do anything, to try as hard as possible to be invisible. But even if you’re physically present in a social group if you’re invisible you’re not really part of it. And unless you happen to have a group of available friends who you can really connect with and who are all fairly understanding then avoiding accusations while having a social life isn’t really an option.

so I’m going to reiterate the question, when you are accused how do you respond? what works for you in terms of making sure you don’t get kicked out of places or otherwise excommunicated after someone’s decided to vilify you because of your autism or something that happened because of your autism?

I tend to let others dig themselves into their hole, I don’t explained nor do I apologise, when I cannot see a reason for placating an accuser..

Some can. I have a brother who can, he spent years in service and is a small giant. His service dog looks just as formidable. He's the softest heart and doesn't have to flinch when sticking up for someone who is a target for bullying. 

At my expense means I can no longer afford to feed my son. Or I end up in hospital and then who can I help?  

These are very real things. One doesn't commit to self-destruction, though I had to learn the hard way. I have been homeless, left to fend for myself, unable to make choices, committed to things which left me vulnerable for lack of wisdom. Until one day I had enough.

And as for trust: it is a burden. Most of our neighbours and the strangers around us are not going above and beyond to prove to ME their undying trust. It is a responsibility, an investment and while we all pay taxes to upkeep our surroundings and do a small part, it is unreasonable to expect from a stranger the kind of trust one should from a partner. 

Listen Buddy.
Firstly. don't say too much on here.
The Mods will step in but don't shoot yourself in the foot.
If you want to talk go to pm with your friends or me.
You have some good friends in your list.
Talk to them.
Do not post on the forum buddy.

Deleted.

There is.
You can't see it but there IS.

I appreciate that, thank you.

It has been pretty bleak, I find it hard to believe that there's ever a way back. 

I get you.
Am sorry.
I am not judging you.
If you need an ear add me as a friend on here.
Anytime ok ?

I've had nonce, predator, creep, groomer, abuser. I understood the emotions behind what I did but I suppose people don't realise how things can stick.

Once the world decides that you're all of those things, that's it. They're not going to change their minds (as far as I believe) no matter how much I try to shake all of that off.

In my experience being accused of things is common to almost all autistic people. Weirdo, creep, paedophile, frigid, slutty. autistic people are always being accused of things because others get that we don’t fit we are different vibe from us. because our behaviour makes people uncomfortable in so many different ways that they often struggle to articulate.

if you’ve been fortunate enough not to experiences this yourself then you should either give thanks for your blessed existence or ask yourself if you’ve actually been getting out and interacting with people at all.

it just makes very good sense for us to have a conversation amongst ourselves about how we deal with this when we experience it.

Sprry bud but i have read your post 3 times and all i hear is "accussed"
Accused of what ?
What did you do ?
Nick a library book ?
Sounds like you are after absolution.
Not possible here buddy.

I.d help anybody.
Even at my own expense.
I have and i do.

Some of us are trying very hard to not "live in fear" anymore.

The flip side of that is of course, being "reckless to danger", but there seems to be a sweet spot, when it comes to expressing yourself... Not That I know where that is of course...

Once you realise that you ARE capable of looking after yourself in your own Autistic way, and can stand up and survive, with that gratitude comes a wish to share what you think worked with you for those who seem "hung up".

It's a hard thing to do sucessfully it seems.

 OH   Sperg !  You.re my HERO ! 

I've not seen Juniper share much in the way of personal info, more really ideas and thoughts.

Now that my friend is a very good question, indeed.

Especially given how some of us (me at the top of that list) are simply not wired to "take the rough with the smooth".

In driving, without being unnneccessarily "arrogant or boastful" I've been able to develop a level of skill ver forty years of being "competive" that means I almost always exert (mostly subtle) dominance over my fellow road users. Very little they do ever surprises me, and when they do something stupid that causes me to modify my path, my annoyance if at all is very transitory and quickly replaced with a smug sense of superiority on my part. I do have my days when I'm not as on the ball, and I have to let others "out drive me" but you cannot (nor should you) win all the time. I still have to take the rough with the smooth some days, because that's how it is. I prefer to lose with grace when I can.

I'm now trying to extend that principle to the rest of my life. 

You say most People are not trust worthy.
In that case it might be an idea not  to share so much about yourself on here.

"My telepathy skills are wanting. You'll have to be more direct." 

"Don't put me in a Double-Bind" (a type of trap, where other would like to force you to choose 1 of 2 evils, the devil and the sea and all that)

While these 2 phrases have come in useful, I've taken practical steps to secure necessary precautions so I don't end up in situations with people who don't know me. This is from a great deal of trial and error and severe failure over the years, and so I set these precautions in place long before I knew anything about Autism.

The first is to evaluate who is safe and who is not. Remind myself it's OK to remove myself from individuals who are toxic (...to me - this doesn't mean they're inherently bad, but would be a liability to my livelihood and create more health problems than I would care to manage). For all of you here, you can imagine how difficult it is to sever any bond. This was emotionally hard and eventually I found a few days to a week tops with Xanax helpful when I needed to do this. After a week, I discovered it's psychologically easier. 

This was a learning curve with ADHD friends before I knew what ADHD was. One in particular who's not always reliable and I occasionally work with. But heart of gold and doesn't appear to, but always listens. He's one of my closest friend to this day. But lives far away.

Most people are not trust worthy, but also, trust is a MASSIVE responsibility. I was taught about this all wrong when growing up. I learned in my 30's to implement rules / techniques on how to afford someone room to earn my trust and also prove myself trust worthy in return. Psychological trust is no less an investment than a financial trust. Tuppence are fine for someone you don't know. 

I also learned to find these metaphysical systems within principles (friendship, marriage, dignity, respectfulness, and so on). Once I learned to adhere to this 'higher' system, I actually began to feel internally grounded. And then I began to expect the same in others before I would allow myself to be any degrees of vulnerable around them. 

One of the best things I've learned in the last 10 years is that most NT's will engage with one another through this role playing of a psychoanalytical "guilt-debt" relating-with. This is what Freud based Neurosis on, this daily ritual of an exchange, and it's everywhere. It's part of what makes society 'civilised' to some degree. It's specifically what creates NT PDA (Such as ghosting) and it's the underpinning of why Autistics will be accused of a 'lack of empathy'. 

This became a valuable realisation because I don't feel or sense doing things out of a guilt or indebtedness, so I had to find the flip side to this coin, in other words, how can I operate in a way that is more genuine because it's OK to do my part? My only guess here was to make an active effort to create a little gratitude, which then provided an essence of humility, which allows doubt to be a friend rather than foe. It's seemed to work in my favour more often than not.