SELF IMPROVEMENT ? Anyone ?

Many people who find themselves asking for help on this forum will already have repeatedly pushed themselves far beyond their limits and be at breaking point. Self improvement can take the form of exercising self compassion and being aware of their limits. I don't think anyone is suggesting just giving up and to stop striving for betterment.

Autists are so often disbelieved and have their genuine struggles dismissed as overreacting. The kind messages on here may not be forthcoming from anyone else in their lives and so important to a person who is struggling. 

I also see plenty of suggestions for improvements given here and try to offer them myself where I can. However we autists are so different that what works for one person may not help another. There is a fine line before such suggestions might come across as ableist.

Im all for self improvement, while now being aware of my limitations and why. If we have pushed ourselves all our lives leading to melt downs  then i now want to embrace my limits and explore things that i can do without being exhausted x

Groovy......you're back.

Fair enough mate.  I did start the thread to find out what other people feel....so thank you for speaking your truth.  I like to learn from others.

I have concluded for myself that self improvement is just another way of adopting yet another mask on top of the many I already have and of which I am simply tired of maintaining---so here I am warts and all !

NO. I'm pretty sure that's my baseline reality, and all the stuff I do, the dope I smoke, the hard to fid knowledge that I store up, is just me distracting myself from that reality, because I find it hard to accept, and wish to change it.

I don't find it healthy to focus on those aspects of my reality for very long, but they are there.

No matter how hard one runs, you cannot escape who you are.

I've given myself a day to acquire a happier attitude and indeed, today I have enjoyed some success with a job I was expecting to be horrible & difficult proving far less trouble than expected. I'm in a better rmood than yesterday, because there is an excellent chance I will be a lot warmer in here this winter when we finish installing the new ceiling and insulation, which having resolved the difficult bit, should proceed quickly next week..

Might as well be comfortably warm as I potter about ineffectively, and inefficiently in here. 

I too, as you know, have many (perspectives) to choose from.

I ensure I don't wallow in any of them for too long, because to do so, either gives me a false sense of capability or a false sense of incapability.......but then you know that too.  Like I say, I'm confident that you are just having a bad day.

It's all a matter of perspective.

I have many to choose from, but they are all viewing the same reality.

I think not beating yourself up for not being the best wall-breaker ever and not smashing the wall continually to the point of burnout is not the same thing as not trying to break down the wall at all. Being kind to yourself is about knowing when to step back, not about not stepping up in the first place.

Does this help the point you raised in your post? I feel like I'm missing something in what you're asking.

FWIW - I think it is great that you are going to martial arts classes.  It's hard - but you are doing it.  That is what I am talking about.

Holy carp man !!!  WTAF ?  

Stop wallowing !

I know you better than you attempt to present yourself here - you are having a bad day mate.  You'll be back on fire soon enough......raising your autistic army, ready for the revolution?

Chin up dude !

Luftmentsch said:

do work hard on self-improvement, but on moral self-improvement. Being a better person.

Yes - me too.

But I also strive to be less rubbish at some things too.  Just because I have natural (and as you rightly say, hard-wired difficulties,) doesn't mean that I'm hard-wired NOT to overcome them to some extent.

To give you a hypothetical example........if my autism prevented me from using power tools, but I only had an electric jack-hammer to break down a wall........should I just say "oh, I can't do that?"   No, I would pick up that jack hammer and use it manually, smashing it against that wall till it fell.

If I don't have the perfect tool or don't have a professional capability, I will still try to use WHATEVER I have to hand to try and circumvent the problem......to get better.

That's all I'm trying to convey.  A DRIVE to be better.

Replyin to the original post: I've had a poorer experience.

I thought the same would happen to me, but in fact it's just killed my motivation to win, and the knowledge of my condition just seems to remove any faith anyone else I know, that I'll ever do anything useful again. 

Doubly so, coming here and mixing with my "peer group".

Triply so, as I read more books on Autism and come to understand better my position in the world.

I'm pretty much marking time, pottering about, until I die now.

oh, and also going to martial arts classes is also kinda that too.... i mean the first few times you go to a new martial arts class full of people you dont know, and these are fit strong people who do combat martial arts and can probably beat you up, this is pretty anxious thing to go to such a place of new crowd and join in with them.

especially as it constantly has that picking a partner thing and ofcourse i always end up standing alone picking whoever had the short straw of being left with me as the only option lol

Number said:

Often on these pages, people say "don't be too hard on yourself, give yourself time, relax, its not your fault etc"........but should we all also be saying, just as often, "keep striving to be better, improve yourself and the lives of those around you, keep challenging yourself etc" ?

I don't see that these are contradictory.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "hacking yourself." I'm trying to work out how to avoid triggers and burnout and trying to let myself unmask a bit. But I'm not sure how much else is possible. We're always going to have our limitations.

FWIW, I do work hard on self-improvement, but on moral self-improvement. Being a better person. I'm not sure that it's really possible to be a better autistic beyond, as I say, trying to learn to avoid triggers and overload and to unmask a bit (which is hard enough). It's a hardware problem (how our brains are wired) not a software problem (how we think/act).

eh i tried in some regard on some things... like how i forced myself to go out to nightclubs or whatever with the odd person i knew ages ago. it didnt work, i just ended up either sitting alone in there, and i learned that in a loud hyper social nightclub i start to shake a bit and especially on the bus home it was like i was cold shaking but not cold, i bet people thought i was spiked or on drugs.

anyway i dont think its good to force yourself into a position like that, not sure if you can improve on that lol forcing myself to get up and talk would probably manifest worst shakes and would feel weird and awkward anyway. probably be put in danger too if any rando i decide to talk to decides im cringe and wants to do something bad to me.

I am surprised not to see more people on this forum actively seeking to overcome some of their autistic challenges to some extent or other.

I accept that autism normally brings with it challenges for us all - different challenges for each of us - and indeed there are some things that may be completely beyond our capabilities.

However, incremental or minor improvements in capability should be pursued, if they are reasonably foreseeable in their delivery - ie Self Improvement?

I had expected more phases like "this is something that I do that helps" and "have you tried doing this" rather than so much of the "be kind to yourself" and "relax and settle back into your reality" type commentaries.

I started this thread to see if I am alone (or deemed daft or deluded) in my pursuit of self improvement.  Thus far, it appears that I am alone and/or daft and/or deluded............but that's fine, I'm used to being viewed like that.

i dunno, self improvement to me is fitness and martial arts.

perhaps a key is to focus on the things you can do instead of the things you cant do. improve and get better at what you can do.
maybe improve on a thing that IS you a part of you, that stays with you if everything else gets stripped away. your capability. to me thats physical capability and movement. i dont bother on smart thinky learning or stuff as thats likely a brick wall of wasted effort, i can copy physical movements and pick up physical actions easily, i can do fitness and have unlimited energy. i can improve physically as thats my thing, mentally is probably a dead end that is waste of energy focusing on.

so pick what your capable at and focus on improving that. anything else maybe a dead end and get small gains.

but still try all first, you never know you could be good at a thing you thought not and pick something up fast. in mental stuff for me i can probably pick up literacy and english side well, smarter stuff goes into maths though and maths makes my brain hurt lol although to improve does take alot of time and effort, getting physical badass like i am took at least 4 years of hard training before i even considered myself good enough at doing things.

Thanks for sharing your journey. Self-improvement is indeed a continuous process, and you've already made significant strides. It's okay to have moments of frustration, but remember, progress takes time. Keep focusing on your strengths, and with each day, you'll find new ways to unlock your potential like taking a Luna Course. Your determination is your greatest asset!

Then, I guess I am still searching for the wisdom to know the difference.  Hardly surprising, I'm autistic......always searching for wisdom !