Published on 12, July, 2020
One year ago, I thought that "self improvement" was going to be a natural by-product of finally knowing how and why I "see" and "do" and "think" differently to most other people. Autism.
The relief of finding the explanation for my crafted life and inner thoughts - was overwhelmingly wonderful - especially in the early weeks. It still makes me smile to think of that feeling now.
I thought that, knowing the reason WHY I can be so dysfunctional, suboptimal and darn right frigging useless......would allow me to "hack myself" to improvement.
I thought that, knowing the reason WHY I can be unusually competent and impressive in some respects ... would allow me to "hack myself" to the zenith of my capabilities.
I rationalise and utilise knowledge and information every day to good effect.......so I presumed my self-knowledge would be profoundly powerful....allow me to 'get' or 'engineer' the right help.
I couple of important aspects of my life are much better now......but the majority of my nonsense.....remains nonsense.
I consider myself a lucky survivor, who has earned a magic key of understanding…I'm worried that I'm not using that key to best effect at the moment.
Often on these pages, people say "don't be too hard on yourself, give yourself time, relax, its not your fault etc"........but should we all also be saying, just as often, "keep striving to be better, improve yourself and the lives of those around you, keep challenging yourself etc" ?
I'm feeling some frustration - with myself - I want the next 12 months of my journey to be AT LEAST as constructive as the 12 months since that blinding flash of realisation.
Thoughts anyone?
Many people who find themselves asking for help on this forum will already have repeatedly pushed themselves far beyond their limits and be at breaking point. Self improvement can take the form of exercising self compassion and being aware of their limits. I don't think anyone is suggesting just giving up and to stop striving for betterment.
Autists are so often disbelieved and have their genuine struggles dismissed as overreacting. The kind messages on here may not be forthcoming from anyone else in their lives and so important to a person who is struggling.
I also see plenty of suggestions for improvements given here and try to offer them myself where I can. However we autists are so different that what works for one person may not help another. There is a fine line before such suggestions might come across as ableist.