Is this a meltdowm

yes, the way to get seen right away is to pay private.

nhs though, you will be waiting for eternity with them.... seriously, it took 3 years just for them to send my referal before you even factor in any ques

You could try asking to be referred to a clinic outside the NHS board you're in - to the Lorna Wing national autistic society clinic in the south of England for example. 

It depends on your health board really. Sadly, many teams are trying to see as many people as they can but are underresourced so physically can't take on any more patients. I used to get very frustrated about the wait, until I met my autism team at the end of the wait and saw how little resources they really had. They really were doing their best.

I had to wait over a year for NHS assessment but it was the highest quality and done with real expertise. It's really tough, I won't play that down, but almost everyone I know who has autism had to wait as long as me. 

The only exception to that rule was a friend of mine who was very unwell with multiple mental health issues so she was prioritised. As far as I know, unless you also are very unwell you cannot skip the line.

I really need this assessmen sooner than 3 years.. Is there a way to get to the top of the list or is it really just a waiting game. I need help with whatever is happening to me whether it's autism or not. I can't wait three years. I've looked at the option of going to gp but the only option to getting seen sooner that I can find is an assessment via zoom, which I don't feel comfortable with. Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you for your replies and talking about how you feel/act during your meltdown. I now know for sure it's a meltdown. I'm also the same when in traffic, in queues, and when in loud noisy crowded places. I now know I had a meltdown during a family party. I was already stressing before because of how many people were coming, (it was a family bbq) what should I talk about, the noise, the mess. I did avoid it as much as I could by staying indoors but it was still too much. Halfway through I got really angry, started crying and I had to go upstairs for a break. 20 mins later I calmed down, again it was my mum stroking my back, taking in a quite voice and giving me one task to do not the 5 I was trying to do before. I eventually went outside and sat on my own on a bench away from everyone. I felt happy alone just watching not joining in. No stress or anxiety, I was happy. 

one thing i can say is that anger and sadness is something i feel alot in my experience.

but sadness is the one least controllable, when my anger is confronted it can easily give way to sadness, perhaps the anger is a way to control sadness and when the anger is challenged and cast aside then it gets through to the sadness. i dunno, maybe im wrong on that but for certain the main emotions all the time is anger and a deep sadness that ofcourse as a man i want to stifle and stop and control as its not a good look on a guy, especially infront of potential hostiles.

I'm really bad for road rage too! And I really relate to having to sleep on the sofa after a meltdown. They are really exhausting and especially as a working adult they really take away ability to function from the rest of the day.

What is your dominant emotion when you're in "the state"? A turning point for recognising when I'm upset versus when it's a meltdown is what I'm thinking at the time. When it's a meltdown, my internal monologue is *silent* - it can't generate words or coherent sentences because the stimulus overtake and drown it out, break it up. Me feeling upset by something may have contributed to the meltdown, but when I'm actually melting down all I can focus on is the awful overstimulation if that makes sense.

However when I'm upset and in a state because I'm upset my dominant emotions are being sad/angry - they are very clearly about what's upset me. My thoughts are going "how dare they say that to me, that's so horrible of them, I'm really upset they said that..." 

I couldn't say for sure but it sounds like how I feel when I'm near crowds, stuck in traffic, or driving behind people who drive ridiculously slowly and stop unnecessarily at roundabouts. Obviously I can't pace around in the car but I do get adjugated and start cursing a lot, which my ex partner couldn't cope with. If she'd done what your mum does and spoken to me in quiet, calming tones I'm sure it would have helped, but instead she chose to shout her protest which invariably made things worse. To be fair to her she didn't know at the time that I had ASD and thought I was just being an ass. I have now bought myself one of those fidget cubes which I keep in one of the cup holders by the gearstick. Whenever I see a situation arising I grab it, press buttons, spin wheels etc. on it, and try to talk to myself in a calm voice so that I don't have what I would consider as a meltdown. They are just so exhausting. On a really bad journey home I've been known to just lay down and sleep on the sofa to recover. As a coping mechanism it seems to be working pretty well so far.

It sounds like a meltdown to me, but as battybats says, only you can know for sure

Only you can know for sure if this is what a meltdown looks like for you, but it does sound very similar to mine. The fidgeting and pacing is probably a sort of stim to try and regulate those negative emotions- I do the exact same thing.