Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm currently waiting for an assessment. I'm trying to keep a diary of my feelings, emotions and reactions to situations I find difficult or when people have to help me through situations. Today I was trying to read some instructions, this is a task I find highly stressful. I struggle to take in the information so when I've read a sentence and moved on I have forgotten what I read previously. I get more angry at myself, then I start fidgeting, pacing around then I start shouting and swearing at the instructions, I get more upset and start crying. Them I'm in such a state I don't know what to do I'm angry and crying. Eventually, when I can no longer cope, I call my mum who knows exactly what I need, after all she has had to do this most of my life. A calm voice, talking quietly, reassuring me it's not a big issue and then talks to me about how we can resolve the problem. Is this a meltdown?
What is your dominant emotion when you're in "the state"? A turning point for recognising when I'm upset versus when it's a meltdown is what I'm thinking at the time. When it's a meltdown, my internal monologue is *silent* - it can't generate words or coherent sentences because the stimulus overtake and drown it out, break it up. Me feeling upset by something may have contributed to the meltdown, but when I'm actually melting down all I can focus on is the awful overstimulation if that makes sense.
However when I'm upset and in a state because I'm upset my dominant emotions are being sad/angry - they are very clearly about what's upset me. My thoughts are going "how dare they say that to me, that's so horrible of them, I'm really upset they said that..."