Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm currently waiting for an assessment. I'm trying to keep a diary of my feelings, emotions and reactions to situations I find difficult or when people have to help me through situations. Today I was trying to read some instructions, this is a task I find highly stressful. I struggle to take in the information so when I've read a sentence and moved on I have forgotten what I read previously. I get more angry at myself, then I start fidgeting, pacing around then I start shouting and swearing at the instructions, I get more upset and start crying. Them I'm in such a state I don't know what to do I'm angry and crying. Eventually, when I can no longer cope, I call my mum who knows exactly what I need, after all she has had to do this most of my life. A calm voice, talking quietly, reassuring me it's not a big issue and then talks to me about how we can resolve the problem. Is this a meltdown?
one thing i can say is that anger and sadness is something i feel alot in my experience.but sadness is the one least controllable, when my anger is confronted it can easily give way to sadness, perhaps the anger is a way to control sadness and when the anger is challenged and cast aside then it gets through to the sadness. i dunno, maybe im wrong on that but for certain the main emotions all the time is anger and a deep sadness that ofcourse as a man i want to stifle and stop and control as its not a good look on a guy, especially infront of potential hostiles.
Thank you for your replies and talking about how you feel/act during your meltdown. I now know for sure it's a meltdown. I'm also the same when in traffic, in queues, and when in loud noisy crowded places. I now know I had a meltdown during a family party. I was already stressing before because of how many people were coming, (it was a family bbq) what should I talk about, the noise, the mess. I did avoid it as much as I could by staying indoors but it was still too much. Halfway through I got really angry, started crying and I had to go upstairs for a break. 20 mins later I calmed down, again it was my mum stroking my back, taking in a quite voice and giving me one task to do not the 5 I was trying to do before. I eventually went outside and sat on my own on a bench away from everyone. I felt happy alone just watching not joining in. No stress or anxiety, I was happy.