Published on 12, July, 2020
Im off for the summer now and really struggling in that I've been in a complete state of inertia for nearly a week. What's also in the mix is a chronic fatigue-like health scenario. Sometimes the boundaries are blurred but if I were to put my finger on it, I'd say this is more AS related because I've been here time and again. I can't get going with anything for love nor money. I've got plenty of things to be doing but can't start and don't know how to. I need a project to get my teeth into (of which is covered on the "things to be doing") but in my head I know it won't get finished if I start. I'm resorting to engaging with an interest but I've reached peak saturation on that. I'm flim flamming around and haven't got the attention to stick to anything (which I don't know if this is CFS related but I've experienced this before although it seems to be worse now). I don't know if I'm in some sort of emotional burnout because I haven't experienced this stuckness for quite a while. What also adds is a sense that - I can't tell what my expectations of myself should be. When the fatigue is really thick, I know how to pace, but when I'm in this middle ground I don't know what to do but I see this more as autistic inertia. It's also the fact that I see others are able to structure their time off but I can't and I don't know if I'm putting pressure on myself to be a certain way. I've asked for help with one thing and with other things could do with a bit of "shadowing" to motivate me but the obvious person to ask is busy working more than me and has their own stuff to do.
Sorry to hear this.
I was trying to think of some good advice and then DeS posted.
I think that there's a lot of wisdom in that post (of DeS).
Remember that your garden and your butterflies need you.
It's good that you have that interest and hopefully you find it a place of refuge too, as I do with mine.
I really want to go out and get stuck in but I don't know where to start. It isn't a big garden but at the moment it feels too big with too much stuff. I think this might be one of my burnout signals - when I start over analysing that I've got too much stuff and belongings in my life. I've been doing an hour a day of simple gardening tasks but there's a bit of counting down and then "right I'm done". I cut some flowers yesterday for the house which was nice.
Gorgeous!
and in focus ...
A bit stuffed in. I added some wild carrot seed heads
I'm sensing furry friends of all shapes and sizes are definitely a boon for a lot of us here
Yeah he’s a good boi, so I’ll only prune the plants behind him, lol..Collies are great because they spend all their time reading their ‘master’, which just so happens to be me in his case, which is real blessing..
Is that the David Bowie dog I saw on the dog thread? He or she is lovely
Haha! Where are my secateurs..?!
Come here..!!
I'll pop one on later.
Egg socks on the feet, Kate Bush on the stereo, double lions mane in me gob. Let's do this!
It's a bit out of focus as I took it on my phone, but thanks.
You could post a photo of yours?
But it would need to be in focus
Pretty!! That pink geum is lovely
out_of_step said:Get yourself a vase of cut flowers!
Done! (in the rain).
Thank you for inspiring me
I figured an hour is better than nothing at all. It was mostly washing old plant pots and a bit of weeding. The good thing about this time of year is that even though there isn't the order and cohesion I desire, everything's looking lush.
Get yourself a vase of cut flowers! I've got sweet peas, dahlia, perennial sunflower and crocosmia in mine. Oh and a bit of borage.
I think posting this is giving me a bit of motivation in my day. I'm putting my fried egg socks on to give me a boost.
out_of_step said:I cut some flowers yesterday for the house which was nice.
That's the best therapy.
I have been meaning to do the same for days, but oddly enough, considering the topic, I haven't managed to get around to doing so.
Hopefully you will inspire me to get on with it.
Gardening gets on top of me too.
This year I haven't enjoyed the actual gardening as much as I used to (age and ill health I think) and there is still loads to do.
Gosh, an hour a day is impressive and more disciplined than me!
You are doing some things, which is good.
Many a good analogy can come from botany. I know when I do pruning of non bonsai species, I just have to go for it and hope for the best.
I do think some of it is about decision making but t's also about bring able to stick with something and see it through! I know when I have a tidy house it makes me feel better. I don't have any motivation at the moment and don't know where to put my attention.
Well seeing as we are getting ever-closer to the excuse to use a bonsai analogy, which I’ve been waiting for a long time, I’m going to use one..:’D It is not an uncommon-occurrence when pruning and shaping a bonsai tree, to be concerned or even threatened by the prospect of making a decision, so it’s often good-practice to just start with the negative-space. You remove upward-growth and downward-growth on branches and you remove weak-growth, by the time you have finished you will often see what you need to do or you will have a path in mind, sometimes it’s better to cover the daily-tasks and the maintenance-task before you focus on the big-picture. So to fully commit to the bonsai-wisdom, lol, life is like a bonsai-tree, it’s about picking a shape and maintaining balance, so it’s about not growing too-big and not growing too-weak..:D