Published on 12, July, 2020
Im off for the summer now and really struggling in that I've been in a complete state of inertia for nearly a week. What's also in the mix is a chronic fatigue-like health scenario. Sometimes the boundaries are blurred but if I were to put my finger on it, I'd say this is more AS related because I've been here time and again. I can't get going with anything for love nor money. I've got plenty of things to be doing but can't start and don't know how to. I need a project to get my teeth into (of which is covered on the "things to be doing") but in my head I know it won't get finished if I start. I'm resorting to engaging with an interest but I've reached peak saturation on that. I'm flim flamming around and haven't got the attention to stick to anything (which I don't know if this is CFS related but I've experienced this before although it seems to be worse now). I don't know if I'm in some sort of emotional burnout because I haven't experienced this stuckness for quite a while. What also adds is a sense that - I can't tell what my expectations of myself should be. When the fatigue is really thick, I know how to pace, but when I'm in this middle ground I don't know what to do but I see this more as autistic inertia. It's also the fact that I see others are able to structure their time off but I can't and I don't know if I'm putting pressure on myself to be a certain way. I've asked for help with one thing and with other things could do with a bit of "shadowing" to motivate me but the obvious person to ask is busy working more than me and has their own stuff to do.
Sorry to hear this.
I was trying to think of some good advice and then DeS posted.
I think that there's a lot of wisdom in that post (of DeS).
Remember that your garden and your butterflies need you.
It's good that you have that interest and hopefully you find it a place of refuge too, as I do with mine.
I really want to go out and get stuck in but I don't know where to start. It isn't a big garden but at the moment it feels too big with too much stuff. I think this might be one of my burnout signals - when I start over analysing that I've got too much stuff and belongings in my life. I've been doing an hour a day of simple gardening tasks but there's a bit of counting down and then "right I'm done". I cut some flowers yesterday for the house which was nice.
out_of_step said:I cut some flowers yesterday for the house which was nice.
That's the best therapy.
I have been meaning to do the same for days, but oddly enough, considering the topic, I haven't managed to get around to doing so.
Hopefully you will inspire me to get on with it.
Gardening gets on top of me too.
This year I haven't enjoyed the actual gardening as much as I used to (age and ill health I think) and there is still loads to do.
Gosh, an hour a day is impressive and more disciplined than me!
You are doing some things, which is good.
Gorgeous!
and in focus ...
A bit stuffed in. I added some wild carrot seed heads
I'm sensing furry friends of all shapes and sizes are definitely a boon for a lot of us here
Yeah he’s a good boi, so I’ll only prune the plants behind him, lol..Collies are great because they spend all their time reading their ‘master’, which just so happens to be me in his case, which is real blessing..