Lonely

The loneliest I've ever felt is being in a relationship and being misunderstood the majority of the time. I'm much happier alone than being in that situation. Living with other people is hard as an autistic person.

There is far too much emphasis on looks these days, especially with social media. There seems to be a misconception on here that women want men to be good looking to even give them a chance. That's not true for me or women I know. I can't speak for all women but if you're presentable, clean, have nice manners and show an interest in someone and genuine care then you'll eventually come across someone that will appreciate you for who you are. You have to be willing to be vulnerable in relationships too and I think that can be a problem for autistic people that have become masters at masking and hiding their true selves. Rejection sensitive dysphoria is also a barrier because you do expose yourself to rejection if you try dating. You have to be robust enough to take rejection and not crumble. That's a tough one to overcome because a lot of us have been exposed to attitudes that we are not good enough or that we're unacceptable or nobody will like us if they knew what we're really like. 

For connection with other people I can recommend volunteering for something you care about. I am trying to find the balance with being around people and not getting overwhelmed. It's a work in progress...  I volunteer for something that is based on making things not socialising. It's just nice to be in a workshop with other people and feel connected to them and a project. To be fair, I suspect and know some of them are also autistic so we get to be nerdy together and talk about technical things rather than feelings and whatever NTs focus on. Another place I've found tolerable over the years is allotments. Same thing, chatting about gardening and growing plus it's good for you to be outside connected with nature. Or a group based on your special interest. 

For romantic relationships there's Hiki app. It's also for friendships. I haven't tried it but the autism specific dating and friendship apps are increasing. If I was interested it would be something I would try. Getting to know people over the internet is much easier than navigating a physical space, sensory input and unknown people that creates barriers for us to socialise in the usual ways. 

Lizard Queen said:

and won't be the initiator in any.

I have learned the hard way that I cannot read people.  The only way I know someone actually wants to talk to me is if they approach.

Being lonely can affect anybody no matter how you look.
I know the feeling, have been alone for many many Years.
It,s not nice but what can we do ?  I just had to learn to accept it.

I have spent the majority of my life with very few friends, I had one friend throughout my early years in education but after that it's been a few people here and there but no one has stuck. I would say for many years, I haven't had any friends nor a very good relationship with the majority of my family. However, I do still have a few family members that I talk to. 

Yes it's lonely, and I see people on social media I went to school with in relationships, getting married, having children, or doing things with their friends they've maintained a relationship from since being in high school. I have issues maintaining relationships, and won't be the initiator in any.

I don't think we are destined to be alone, I can't offer any advice on how to potentially resolve the issue but you're not alone with this feeling.

Sometimes we were meant to be alone. It's a hard life, maintaining contacts. I can only spend a wee while when visiting others.

Looks don't matter, as long as you have a face and any type of personality, then there are lots of people out there for you.

I believe this is true, through experience.

If you want someone based on their looks then you can expect that same in response. But, if you look for the goodness in people, get out there, and be kind, then at some point you will meet people who might be potential matches

Good luck

Hi :) 

I don't think we're destined to be alone, no. My dad is autistic and he's been married to my mum for nearly 50 years! He's an unusual character but they're so used to each other it isn't an issue. 

I'm not sure it's harder to be male than it is to be female - but I guess that's subjective. You can make lots of friends online on forums like this, Twitter, Facebook or sites that cater to your special interests. Relationships don't need to be physical to exist and be valid. 

Keep your chin up and keep trying if meeting people is what makes you happy. 

Everyone is beautiful in their own way :) 

I'm mostly alone because of my anxiety. People cause me so much anxiety it's unbearable so I hide away which causes loneliness but eases my anxiety to a degree.

It's a tough one.  

I had given up on socializing at all, some years ago. now that I have found I am autistic, I am eating better, exercising and generally taking better care of myself.

It is up to you to be the best you can be.