Autistic Sex Reputation (NSFW)

For the record I wish this were true. If collectively as autistic people we can spread the roumer that autistic people are incredible in bed we should totally do this.

I would cancel my assessment appointment if this became a commonly held belief. I have enough trouble as it is trying to convince people I'm asexual and not interested.

One man’s pain is another’s pleasure they say.

I think my point was less about BDSM and more about how an age gap is viewed as predatory even when there are very good reasons for it. I am no expert in the gay scene but I gather clubbing and hooking up is largely a younger gay man thing? So if you were trying to do that just by virtue of the kind of people who'd be there you'd be approaching much younger men. Maybe the gay scene is more tolerant but I'm fairly sure if you did that in a heterosexual context before long there would be a bunch of people declaring you a predator and demanding you be canceled / banned etc. And whether anything came of that would depend a lot on whether those who disliked you knew the right people.

You don't need to walk around in a gimp suit cracking a whip to be labeled a predator. Just be the wrong side of 30, autistic and hanging out with people in the early 20s, uni students etc.

I can honestly say that I’ve never personally been into the whole BDSM leather/fetish thing on the gay scene myself, but I do (somewhat) understand why some are into it and even the “satanic thing” amongst gay men, even if a handsome and muscular young gay man in leather or rubber/PVC, etc does look good - frankly in some ways, I find it a little disturbing that because of past trauma affecting a person’s self-esteem that they feel the need to want to be punished and/or to experience pain as a form of “pleasure” and/or as the only way to express love with another person, neither does this love need to be expressed via sexual activity, that some people seem to almost be obsessed with in our modern culture since my teens in the 1980’s - perhaps I’m trying to “keep it classy” here and still hanker after the classically romantic version of love and romance, something that is timeless, going home to Ireland so often in the hopes of meeting my “handsome Irish hunk” without the need to “jump each others bones” at every waking moment - I’d been involved in the gay scene for many years and avidly read articles in the gay press in Ireland after I’d come out in Catholic Rural Ireland after coming onto the Dublin gay scene, plus I’d always been around straight women and girls for most of my life and was never really into “manly” things so straight girls formed many of my cultural values, including after I came out as gay - and being the most romantic sign of the Zodiac (Libra) was a factor too 

IrishInManchesterUK said:

now 52, my rich handsome Prince might very well be 25, despite having more in common with someone over 40

See this is the thing. A lot of autistic people just don't get the same life experiences as other people our age. And if your autistic special interests are widely seen as juvenile (anime, video games etc) there is a decent chance one day you'll end up in a social circle thats younger than you, maybe much younger.

And its at that point people will start treating you as if you are some sort of creep or predator. How dare you hope to find a romantic partner who shares your interests and that you can relate to you monster. You are clearly trying to corrupt these young adults who have had more sex than you and more jobs than you and a lot of them seem to have more money than you ... How dare you.

People just assume older adults hanging out socially with young adults are some kind of threat. It's just another unfair stigma that gets thrown at a lot of autistic people.

When I first came out as gay in my teens I used to dream about my handsome Prince to come along (which never happened) and as I got older (and more civilised), I enjoyed the pleasure of the (classy and platonic) company and friendships of handsome men my own age and (gradually) younger - now 52, my rich handsome Prince might very well be 25, despite having more in common with someone over 40, but I gave up on the gay dating game a long time ago and I became bored of the gay “hookup” culture, as I just don’t want to “jump someone’s bones on the first date” as it’s a very poor way to relate to another human being, revealing one’s own lack of self-respect, even setting morality and religious teachings aside - it’s also one of many reasons why I distanced myself from the gay community over time given what I’d seen since the 1980’s even outside of the commercial gay scene, as frankly, many gay men I know of are like “rabid dogs on heat” and I’d even witnessed this during Covid/lockdowns  

Well, I think it's a very normal thing whatever normal means

Well let me just put my devils advocate hat on for a moment. It sucks that you drifted from your friend because you didn't like their jokes but surely that's a natural thing. Would it have been any different if he made dark death and violence based jokes? Like ok here are 2 parodies of the same song, One based on sexual humour and one based on dark death based humour I think they are both funny so why is humour based on violence just considered off colour and if it's based on sex its threatening? Surely it should be the other way around? If you don't share your friends sense of humour and don't want to hang out with him because of it that's fine but I wouldn't characterise it as his fault.

As for looking at your breasts are you really sure he did so more than any other man? Or was he just less able to be subtle about it? I'm not an artist but I dare say it's quite a common thing for artists to sketch out what they think their crush might look like naked. I suppose the rare thing might be that he told you he'd done it.

I think it's quite common for a persons sexual appreciation of a persons body and the persons personality to be relatively separate. I mean consider the platonic admiration of another's body. If a person is in awe of a sports man and his prowess does it have anything to do with that sportsman's personality most of the time? Almost all sports fans are attracted to sportsmen for what their bodies can do not their personalities and we think of that as quite normal. If I say the way Beckham can kick a ball so hard and far is incredible, and i do sketches of David Beckham kicking footballs, is that objectifying him? It's got nothing to do with his personality after all I don't know him.

You know as autistic people we are often more open and direct about things. To the point of making others uncomfortable. And most of the time we say quite happily that's just an adjustment you have to make dealing with autistic people. Dealing with the openness. So why shouldn't the same argument hold true when it's openness about sex? Just because we live in a society that is more hung up about openness around sex than most things. Doesn't seem like a good enough reason to me.

I used to have a friend who was 26 years old and never experienced sex. Never experienced love or even a hug.

cool im 33 so now you know a 33 year old who has never experienced any of that too lol
id probably flinch from anyone trying to get close now out of it being weird and alien, not normal thing.

I used to have a friend who was 26 years old and never experienced sex. Never experienced love or even a hug.

cool im 33 so now you know a 33 year old who has never experienced any of that too lol
id probably flinch from anyone trying to get close now out of it being weird and alien, not normal thing.

Well, I think it's a very normal thing whatever normal means