Are autistic people known for being wild in bed and actively sought out by NTs? I saw a post on reddit where an NT said they did that and implied that it's common knowledge that some NTs do that because autistic people have that reputation. Anyone know?
If you're in the US, you can get a diagnosis by seeing a private evaluator out of pocket. Mine was $900, but I'm sure you can shop around and find something cheaper. Insurance won't know, yet you will receive a full report and know for yourself. With that report, you could access services through non-profit organizations that will have nothing to do with your insurance.
You could also reach out to said non-profits and ask them if they are aware of insurance reducing access to care because of autism diagnosis.
On the other hand, if you do receive a diagnosis and at some point fill out healthcare or insurance paperwork that specifically asks about autism and you decline to report the diagnosis, you might be committing fraud.
The whole system is a racket.
I think my point was less about BDSM and more about how an age gap is viewed as predatory even when there are very good reasons for it. I am no expert in the gay scene but I gather clubbing and hooking up is largely a younger gay man thing? So if you were trying to do that just by virtue of the kind of people who'd be there you'd be approaching much younger men. Maybe the gay scene is more tolerant but I'm fairly sure if you did that in a heterosexual context before long there would be a bunch of people declaring you a predator and demanding you be canceled / banned etc. And whether anything came of that would depend a lot on whether those who disliked you knew the right people.
You don't need to walk around in a gimp suit cracking a whip to be labeled a predator. Just be the wrong side of 30, autistic and hanging out with people in the early 20s, uni students etc.
I can honestly say that I’ve never personally been into the whole BDSM leather/fetish thing on the gay scene myself, but I do (somewhat) understand why some are into it and even the “satanic thing” amongst gay men, even if a handsome and muscular young gay man in leather or rubber/PVC, etc does look good - frankly in some ways, I find it a little disturbing that because of past trauma affecting a person’s self-esteem that they feel the need to want to be punished and/or to experience pain as a form of “pleasure” and/or as the only way to express love with another person, neither does this love need to be expressed via sexual activity, that some people seem to almost be obsessed with in our modern culture since my teens in the 1980’s - perhaps I’m trying to “keep it classy” here and still hanker after the classically romantic version of love and romance, something that is timeless, going home to Ireland so often in the hopes of meeting my “handsome Irish hunk” without the need to “jump each others bones” at every waking moment - I’d been involved in the gay scene for many years and avidly read articles in the gay press in Ireland after I’d come out in Catholic Rural Ireland after coming onto the Dublin gay scene, plus I’d always been around straight women and girls for most of my life and was never really into “manly” things so straight girls formed many of my cultural values, including after I came out as gay - and being the most romantic sign of the Zodiac (Libra) was a factor too
now 52, my rich handsome Prince might very well be 25, despite having more in common with someone over 40
See this is the thing. A lot of autistic people just don't get the same life experiences as other people our age. And if your autistic special interests are widely seen as juvenile (anime, video games etc) there is a decent chance one day you'll end up in a social circle thats younger than you, maybe much younger.
And its at that point people will start treating you as if you are some sort of creep or predator. How dare you hope to find a romantic partner who shares your interests and that you can relate to you monster. You are clearly trying to corrupt these young adults who have had more sex than you and more jobs than you and a lot of them seem to have more money than you ... How dare you.
People just assume older adults hanging out socially with young adults are some kind of threat. It's just another unfair stigma that gets thrown at a lot of autistic people.
When I first came out as gay in my teens I used to dream about my handsome Prince to come along (which never happened) and as I got older (and more civilised), I enjoyed the pleasure of the (classy and platonic) company and friendships of handsome men my own age and (gradually) younger - now 52, my rich handsome Prince might very well be 25, despite having more in common with someone over 40, but I gave up on the gay dating game a long time ago and I became bored of the gay “hookup” culture, as I just don’t want to “jump someone’s bones on the first date” as it’s a very poor way to relate to another human being, revealing one’s own lack of self-respect, even setting morality and religious teachings aside - it’s also one of many reasons why I distanced myself from the gay community over time given what I’d seen since the 1980’s even outside of the commercial gay scene, as frankly, many gay men I know of are like “rabid dogs on heat” and I’d even witnessed this during Covid/lockdowns
I'm transitioning which is helping. I'm currently having about a 50% success rate at passing as a teenage boy and the increase in respect and decrease in harassment even when I'm simply walking down the street is incredible. I'm hoping that being assessed as autistic won't negatively affect my ability to access care (as it does in parts of the US).
Not being diagnosed doesn't make an autistic person become neurotypical, and the people that hunt for autists already know what to look for. My ex narcissistic girlfriend knew I was autistic before I did, and in retrospect, she used it to manipulate and abuse me. From the unsolicited stories she gossiped about her ex, I'm guessing he was autistic too. I'm still suffering the consequences of that relationship.
Her role model is her big sister who married an autistic guy, and that poor guy is so miserable. Everyone knows he is being abused just by looking at him. He's so scared and selfless. It's like he's not even present because he has checked out. The stories I've heard about that relationship belong in a psychology textbook. It's really sad and concerning that people like her exist free in the community. It's like meeting a person that seems nice and later find out that they are a dangerous cartel/mafia. Scary. Anyway, there are definitely predators out there that consciously hunt for and groom autistic people for their own personal gain at the cost to the victim. We are vulnerable to manipulation, and Cluster B personalities are experts at it.
I think that cancelling the assessment won't be the most helpful for your concern and your overall well-being. Still, I can understand your concern and believe it is quite valid. Maybe if you were assessed, you could find a service that would help you with that so you won't have to deal with it as much.
Yes I was just mussing that it’s almost the opposite of casual sex. Some one who wants only casual sex wants a sexual interaction but not a romantic one. Where as some ace people want a romantic relationship without sexual interaction.
From each persons perspective the other is kind of pointless in their efforts. Like an NPC put in a game that doesn’t do anything but fill out a crowd.
So close and yet so far, bear in mind being asexual doesn't actually have any bearing of if a person wants a relationship that is serious or casual. For all we know HP35 is looking for another asexual for a long term monogamous relationship, possibly even a soulmate to share teh rest of their life with.
It’s basically inverse casual sex. there are people who want casual sex that involves the orgasm but doesn’t necessarily involve the intimacy and hypothetically speaking it can be the other way around to.
Aye that's it.
No I do think I understand this one. One can desire the romantic closeness of intimate conversation and honesty and commitment to another human being. And also a lot of the platonic physical affection that comes with those sorts of relationships, hugging and just generally being close and affectionate to another person, without actually wanting to do anything sexual; something that would involve or naturally lead to an orgasm.
I experience romantic attraction.
so your not asexual then?
Oh, diddums. A complete lack of attention is not your absolutely ideal scenario. Poor, poor, you.
Look I've attempted to be polite here and engage in a rational discussion even though from my point of view you don't seem to want to approach things rationally at all but instead rely on spurious hyperbole. But if you are going to mock me frankly I no longer care. If anyone else has anything constructive to say I'm happy to hear it. But with you, specifically you HP35, on this topic for now I'm done with you.
That's because you're arrogant and women don't see you as a safe person to confide in. Almost every person interpreted as female has these experiences regularly.
Being autistic makes you a massive outlier, so I guess society is justified in not believing you about any of your experiences. You don't really have sensory or communication differences, right? You're making them up!
Oh, diddums. A complete lack of attention is not your absolutely ideal scenario. Poor, poor, you. That is absolutely as bad as never feeling safe and having people shove things inside your body causing agony and trauma.
It is absolutely disgusting that you are still pretending that being allowed to live your life in peace is somehow worse than being verbally and physically abused on a regular basis.
Bluntly I don't believe you. Or more specifically I don't believe your personal experience is representative. It sounds like you had some awful experiences and I'm sorry for that but I don't think that makes it at all typical. If nothing else being ace makes you a massive outlier. Also you're misrepresenting what I said.
But even if it was it doesn't invalidate the point that a complete lack of attention is, for some people, undesirable.
'I'm in a rush sorry I don't have time for this etc.'
Using this response results in verbal abuse 90% of the time. About 50% of the time there are specific threats made. Sometimes there is physical aggression (grabbing, chasing, accelerating vehicle towards me, etc).
It's only recently (since I started presenting male) that I've started to have days outside without unsolicited interactions.
In private contexts, I don't think I've ever had a "no" be immediately accepted without the guy trying again at some point. I've been in situations where the choice is either give in, not get any sleep all night because he will wake me up every 10 minutes to check if I've changed my mind, or leave my home and find somewhere else to sleep at midnight.
It is absolutely disgusting that you are still pretending that being allowed to live your life in peace is somehow worse than being verbally and physically abused on a regular basis.
