Published on 12, July, 2020
I joined here around 5 months ago.
Since that time it's come to mean different things to me.
I think sharing experiences is invaluable but equally invaluable is the honesty I find here.
It's a place where we can talk about shared experience /our emotions/difficulties in a way that's impossible in the 'real' world - or at least if we speak about it there, it's unlikely to be understood.
It's a place to connect in a world where we often find connecting difficult.
I've received some PMs recently that have made me focus more on how very important this community can be to us as individuals.
Luna RIP called this her 'forum family'.
As a person who doesn't seek friendship (?or thinks she doesn't?), some surprising and valuable friendships have evolved from here for me.
How about you?
I feel that I am in a place where I fit, which is a very rare experience indeed.
Exactly
Some of the best people I've met was here.
There really is no better place. We are lucky to have this. I miss you, Steven, L, Rebecca, Mariusz, Trisha, Dawn, Mister... the list could go on and on.
We've had some amazing people here. I treasure this time with all of you.
I am very pleased to be here. I identify with a lot of what others say here. As a person who has been routinely misunderstood for as long as I can remember it is very good to see that I am not alone.
I was taught from an early age that I was defective in many ways and have only recently understood that I am autistic, not defective.
I'm still processing a lot.
What does the forum mean to me? A sense of belonging.
What I've felt being here so far
This forum is my safe haven. It has saved my life and given me hope and support.
That's so good to hear.
Take care of yourself
Ayy..
Here's some!
It has yet to be made..
After being assessed and diagnosed in the dying months of 2020, I joined the forum in January 2021, aged 67.
Initially nervous and hesitant, my confidence improved and, although not numerous, posts signed Ben began to appear. Many of the members from that time have, for reasons of their own, quietly departed without so much as a goodbye. I fondly recall one early poster confidently informing me, after I had had a meltdown, that the best way to deal with my recalcitrant printer would be to throw it from the window of a twelfth floor flat! "They don't like that" she assured me, knowingly. Resisting the urge to do just that, I filed her advice into one of the more remote areas of my brain (of which there are many) and dumped the offending printer into a large skip at my local recycle centre. Probably much less satisfying, but rather more advisable.
As I now drop into the forum much more frequently, I have learned a lot from the numerous threads, including, most importantly, that I am certainly not alone.... There are many others like me in this world, all facing similar challenges and bewilderment. Blimey! who knew?
I have now been here for two and a half years and have gained some confidence in posting, but have still to disclose to anyone in the outside world. All in good time though, eh!
Now, where is that cake that DeSpareaux speaks of? I'm ready for some.
Ben
.....with thanks to Debbie for starting this thread.
DeSpereaux said: I felt as if I was born-and-trained to be solo in everything I did, I was certain that my lived-experience as undiagnosed disqualified me from my ‘people
Beautifully put.....and me too.
It must be quite a severe case of Captivating Thread Making Syndrome you have Debbie.
Remembering that someone had started a suitable thread a few months, and then realising that this someone was yourself caused me to chuckle.
I never knew why I was different until joining this forum. We are Neurokin, this is my Neurotribe,
I guess the most-important thing, that I find on this forum, is validation. I’ve read a whole-bunch and I’ve studied autism for over a year. I’ve got a 2 foot pile of books that I read, half of which I read just to type my first-reply here, the other half I read in post-diagnosis alongside various-courses. I felt I had to justify ‘going multiplayer’ as it were, I felt as if I was born-and-trained to be solo in everything I did, I was certain that my lived-experience as undiagnosed disqualified me from my ‘people’.So to fail at making a long story short, this forum gives me validation as a human, whilst in the ‘real’ world I am only good for being outcasted or exploited..
It allowed me to know people like you and that has also saved me more than anyone realises.
Yes - I totally agree. People on here understand, and that means a huge amount.
I don't feel like an outsider here.
Same. I've not been here that long. No masking needed, I never feel like I need to hide my true self amongst you all. I feel I am understood and accepted. I feel amongst friends.
I just had a thought and considered making a new thread, and then remembered that someone started a suitable one a few months ago, and I could just add to it.
So I searched, and found it, and lo and behold, it's me that started it!
Doh..
So, I had a thought related to Sporadic Sparkly's thread.
We are a group of people who have probably experienced what being an 'outsider' means, especially in communities such as school, college and employment.
Beautiful, just beautiful.
"Giving you a choice" sounds way too assertive for me.
When I read things where the author clearly is foundering, and "friends" is a popular one for us Autists, no mistake there, and my Doctor tells me flat out that I have too many friends to be Autistic, & my Psychiatrist who does my diagnosis says the same, then I start wondering what I am doing right, that others who are similar to me do not.
The gardening analogy works particularly well for me, as it shows that directed effort is what brings results, but not always the results we expected or wanted. Just cutting the grass being analogous to picking up the phone and calling someone who you count as a friend but for some reason haven't talked to, or done anything with, lately. Making an arrangement to go and do something together is analogous to strimming the edges.
In the real world, occasionally it suits me to water the plants myself in the dark, from my own personal excess. (It's got electrolytes! or whatever it is that makes the grass really quite luxuriant)
Whilst a Triffid in the garden would probably sort out the security aspect quite well, and be an interesting novelty, it might also prove to be too much of a hazard for the cats and, er, my watering apparatus.
At this point some words of timeless wisdom arise from so long ago that I've forgotten where they came from : "Don't pick at the metaphor, it'll make a nasty scab".