What does the forum mean to you?

Well, if you are only giving me the choice of plant or gardener..... then I choose...... Triffid.

Nah. It's a real thing. The very best way to lose a bunch of friends, as we all know, is to move.

A couple of miles will do it for some people.

OR change job, or political alignment, or refuse a "jab" in some cases.

Friendships need management, and they COST as well as they GIVE. The cost is often something you give automatically and without thinking, but if you stop paying it, the friendship dies.

That "cost" is usually the time you invest in shared activities.

MY family were shits, so I had to build my own, out of my friends, hence I needed to study this topic from an early age in order to "survive and thrive".

I think I might either be the plant pot (forgive the pun) or, more likely,  the organic fertiliser ?!?!

To put it simply: Maintaining friendships is like growing dope.

Most of the time you don't have to do a blame thing, but some things need to be kept under observation  and prompt action taken (or NOT) if you are to be successful. 

Essentially friendships need to by "Watered" with communication and "fertilised" with shared activities. 

You are either a "plant" or a "gardener", I realised about 40 and then again, 25, years ago.

This forum allowed me to know Debbie, Luna, Mark, and Rebecca. So there's no greater place than this.

I used to get the sad feeling but as I've got older, especially the last few years, I'm a bit more forceful about my needs in terms of needing time alone and not feeling guilty for wanting my own time. I feel exactly the same, it always feels like too much work. My sadness has always come from not understanding why I feel that way when no one else seems too - it seems the come naturally to others. 

Roy said:

Talking to other autistic people is easy, we seem to operate on the same wavelength.

Exactly!

Thanks, I feel sad occasionally that I haven’t got many friends, most of the time I just find it all too much work. Same as you, I will return a message because I received one, I can give an answer they expect. My brains telling me that these people speak a different language. Talking to other autistic people is easy, we seem to operate on the same wavelength.

When you said if it's not in front of me, I'm not interested. I really relate to that. Definitely doesn't sound strange! On the rare occasion I do reply to a friend I'm only doing it for them!

Since I joined approximately 10 months ago, this place has come to mean many things to me:

A place where one can ask questions relating to autism, and seek advice/support.

A place that serves as an online social club.

I feel the combination of different personalities strikes a balance of serious conversation and light-hearted banter.

It’s a hard one to juggle, there’s  a phrase of permanence placement, if I don’t see a friend then I don’t find the need to contact them, it’s very much , if it’s not in front of me, I’m not interested. I don’t know if that sounds strange? There is also a flip side to me that when someone does contact me, they actually just want something from me or of me.  If someone is in front of me, I can tell if they are lying , not so much through their speech but through their body language. I don’t use my hands to gesticulate with, they remain still, I suppose it makes it harder for people to read me, it’s another defence for me. I get what you say when you do want to explain how you feel to someone, I get the, “ just concentrate on the good things.” It makes me scream inside.

Honestly this place has saved my life and got me through so many things that I dont know how I would have got through otherwise. 

It is just a place where I belong and can be me, a place full of people like me who "get it" and who actually see the world the way I do and most of all whose brains work like mine. It has made me feel I am not alone. Before I came here I felt like I was the only person in the world whose brain worked the way it does and who saw the world the way I do, now I know there are many of us! 

It is the place I run to after a bad day or a day when I feel overwhelmed and it is so comforting to know that whatever I am going through many of you have been here too

Thats the hardest thing for me, not making friends but maintaining them. It feels like ,in the outside world not on here I mean, when I want peace and quiet people are always pestering me to do stuff or messaging me loads but when I want someone to talk to no one is there. I wonder if anyone else finds this 

A place to connect with like minded people, to share the joys and the struggles and feel like I have a place where for once I actually seem to fit in.

You have quite a diverse range of interests, they seem really interesting what things do you like to photograph? What is your favourite type of music? I am sure there is lots you could talk about with fellow members of our autistic community.

I love researching and learning everything I can about our autistic community, I particularly love the YouTube channel Aucademy- Education on Autistic Experience.

Likewise. 

Some of my dedicated interests include - Photography, Music, all things True Crime / Serial Killers (never one I've often shared with people) Animals  how about you?

I find it helpful sometimes to ask questions to people who get it. In the same way I hope I can sometimes help others from my experience, mainly as a parent.

I can't cope with too much interaction away from home and lots of people are doing things all the time. I like that I can pass the time of day, maybe add to a lighthearted thread when I want to.

With conversations with people I know I can often wonder if I said the right thing. Having no commitment takes away that worry. 

Sometimes I just read other comments. I couldn't get on here for two days which I missed. 

I am another undiagnosed but guessed after my son got a diagnosis. Just good to know why I have had difficulties in the past. Then it helped me coming on here knowing how many others were like me with things I hadn't even realised were autistic traits.

Thank you for your insight, Luftmentsch! I'm sorry you had to go through that, certainly a tough ride! I will keep persevering. 

Thank you for your kind words, they truly have providing me with a great sense of relief and lifted the crippling feelings of self doubt! I will certainly be sticking around - virtual hug received with appreciation 

I cannot maintain friendships for the life of me, I'm hoping this will be a little easier to navigate :)