I’m feeling completely hopeless with my life

Can't offer much else in the way of advice I think Peter has given a good explanation and it seems to me that you would benefit from a change and getting away from your step-mum would give you a bit of a boost immediately.  Hope it all goes well for you and we are always here to give help, advice or just to rant at.

This was what I did. I have come on in leaps and bounds since I graduated last Summer.

Hello,

I'm so sorry that you’ve had such a tough time - no wonder you’re struggling. Apart from anything you are grieving for your dad - that alone would be difficult for anyone. And especially as your mum has let you down so badly. I’m really sorry.

in terms of lack of social skills etc - you are far from unusual in this respect as an autistic person. My son also has no friends and feels very insecure in some of the ways you describe. So you’re not alone and it’s not your fault. 

your step mum not ‘believing’ in autism is just ridiculous - she obviously completely lacks understanding and knowledge about autism. I’m sorry about that - that must be very difficult for you to be around. 

The main thing to focus on I think is that things can change, your life can change. It won’t always be this way. Are there any local autism groups in your area? Have you investigated what’s available locally? Or any volunteering opportunities? I know it’s not easy but I think it would be helpful to start looking ‘outwards’ to what might be available in your local area to support autistic adults. 

But please don’t give up hope - because in time you can take steps to improve your situation. Start with some research. Good luck !

Good morning 84619.  I'm number.  You writing resonates with me, in the sense that I suspect I know a little of HOW you feel.  Your life experience is very different to mine and I am double your age - but I do wholly understand that feeling of profound loneliness, isolation and hopelessness that you describe.  I know how it feels when people refuse to accept your reality as you know it.  It's grim.......but I am scrabbling back out of that hole and I'm sure you can too.

Peter has very kindly proffered some excellent advice and information for you here about Uni.  I suspect that this might be too big a leap for you at the moment given the situation that you describe, so I'm going to proffer some small scale 'micro' improvements that worked for me when I just needed to start moving forwards again.

So, my mantra was simple "company is company.". I didn't try to find "my sort of people" nor potential "friends" nor a new hobby etc.......all I did was try to interact with people and nature to enable me to feel the benefits of 'company.'   That helped me - increasingly - as time went on.

So I found dark, self deprecating humour helpful.  Everything seemed so bleak in my life for a while that I couldn't find a reason to smile or try to have fun.  That changed when I realised that my hopelessness was actually pretty laughable!  Infact, it was pitifully funny!  When I laughed at myself, the "oppressive power" keeping me back looked a little less unconquerable.

And finally, don't talk YOURSELF down.  Others will do what they do and think what they think.....but you have that power too, in equal measure (and probably greater measure) to do the same.

I think the greatest challenge, whether allistic or autistic, is to work out what to do with your life.  I think the second greatest challenge is not going mental whilst tackling the first one!

Good luck friend.  I hope some of this helps.

I don’t think university is for everyone but I don’t think the reasons you give are sound. Hopelessness is strongly driven by social isolation and an aparent lack of progression in life. If you throw yourself into both the study and social side university can be quite good at addressing this.

And its certainly not free. You’ll come out with a lot of debt you are going to pay through the nose for university later in life.

it’s probably only worth it career wise if you do a degree that sets you up well for an in damand line of work. So probably a stem course like computing or engineering.

you’d need a degree for nursing or being a doctor. The NHS jobs out there that don’t need degrees are not just low pay they’re stressful. Push dead bodies around, cleaning up blood and vomit etc.

im not saying going into work straight away is a bad idea. But getting a zero qualification job requires you show employers confidence and convince them you can work under pressure because most of those jobs involve stressful environments.

If you’re looking for a less stressful zero qualifications job look at hospitality. Waiting tables, washing pots, working a bar. The most stressful thing you need to deal with is stropy customers.

Good to hear you're doing well.

Young Men need a purpose in life. Permanent Hikikomori would create regret, in the end. 

that distress eventually pushes you into a job or some change anyway.

i was around 31 or 32 feeling depressed in my parents house faced with a hopeless future and parents that are ageing and wouldnt likely last and my future at risk and crushing loneliness. that was enough to motivate me for a window to look for jobs desperately and that got me into a labourer job that takes anyone. and now has lead me to mortgage and my own place and normality aside from having any social life but with security and my own place i dont care about social life or loneliness anymore.

degrees and education is a long term thing though and requires putting up with hopelessness for a long time and hoping people just put up with you living off them for free... doesnt always work out... but as for a good education to go into... given the state of the nhs, the lack of workers in it and everyone going on strike i see the nhs as a super easy place to get into now that even uneducated people could go into now.... and no point believing the whiners about it being low wage, low wage is better than no wage, a person who was on nothing will feel like a super rich person on minimum wage anyway. perfect to get into the nhs while its on its knees now even without education. its a golden opportunity and if i was still unemployed id be poaching all them unapreciated nhs jobs that the workers are all neglecting abandoning and striking on and id see that as a easy entrance and a easy secure given the actions and laziness of nhs staff that dont appreciate the wealth and security they have.

what worked for me on this is a random agency getting me a basic labourer job...

no interviews, no care about experience, they wanted anyone, and honestly by the looks of all the trash they have taken on i was a absolute diamond of a find for them despite no work experience and having done nothing. there is very easy low balling jobs out there that agencies can get you on with. although thats only a start and its still hard from there, you have to ensure you then saved up everything and put it all to good use towards a mortgage deposit or something (dont bother with rent, its a eternal waste)... but yeah, manual labour agency jobs, no experience, no interview, instant acceptance as soon as they ring you up about any job, instant first day start immediate type jobs... might be hard for a man and require some real fitness but for a woman they pretty much allow you to be dragged through the day and give you easy jobs with no effort just the fight against boredom or coldness depending on the season.

There is a path that may lead you to somewhere better. I can't tell you if it is the right path for you, it comes with challenges and difficulties, but also opportunities.

This is the path to university. It's a chance to leave London and your step mum. To thrust yourself into a new social environment where everyone is looking to make new friends and no body knows you (or anyone else).

This is how you do it. go find a cheap(ish) regional university in an area where the cost of living isn't too high. Talk to them about access degrees, 4 year degrees where the 1st year is like a repeat of a levels. Pick a course that interests you and has good job prospects. Apply for it and a student loan. Make sure you apply for support / reasonable adjustments at your university.

Pros:

• If you graduate you'll have the qualifications for a proper job, especially if you choose your degree carefully.
• The people around you are straight out of school. Their social skills are probably better than yours but they're not expecting each other to act like 'grown ups.'
• You'll live on campus for the first year with other people also looking to make friends which will make learning to socialise and make friends easier.
• You'll have a contact at the university who definitely does believe in autism who will try to help you settle in and cope with your life on campus.
• Again if you chose your course well you'll be busy and also interested. You might find you do rather well when the thing you're learning about interests you and you're given support with autism specific issues.
• You're going to gain a lot of confidence at uni.

Cons:

• You will be far from your brother who I'm guessing is your last sympathetic family member?
• You will have an age gap between you and most of your peers. This is not fatal but it can make some people a little less inclined to include you in things.
• This will involve a lot of change in a fairly short space of time, it might be a lot to cope with.
• Student debt. After you graduate you'll have a lot of debt which means when you do finally get a proper job your wages will be noticeably cut into.

I'm not saying this is the right answer for you ... but you should consider it.

On my 30th birthday I was an emotional wreck, I didn’t achieve anything that I wanted to achieve before I turned 30. That day was the day that I know something was very wrong with me. I had no friends, I left a job that I was suffering from abuse from my coworkers. And I was still living with my parents. 

A few months later I got diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. It explains why I didn’t have a normal life. A life I worked so hard to attain. My mum is like all your dad. But she doesn’t fully understand me. The rest of my family is like your other family members. They don’t understand and they don’t want to understand. It’s a very hard life, they don’t know that their behavior is causing our life’s to harder and cause us more harm. And they don’t want to know, because they’ll just say “Stop being lazy”

Well done for asking for support. Hopefully you'll get lots of helpful replies but I'll start the ball rolling by mentioning Evenbreak, a company posting jobs from inclusive employers.  I didn't know until yesterday that they support all disability, not just visible physical disability, so haven't used them yet.  I think the CareerHive bit of their site might be useful for you, looks like it gives support to candidates.  Don't be put off by lack of qualifications and experience, yesterday I heard someone from Evenbreak describe that stuff as evidence of past privilege when employers should look for future potential. And on the future potential front, your post shows you're very literate and you're proactively asking for advice.