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I’m feeling completely hopeless with my life

NAS84619

I’ll keep this short…

I turned 28 years old a few days back and all that day did was make me feel more worse about my life, I have no friends, absolutely zero social skills and have never worked a day in my life. 

Growing up, I was moved around a lot by my mum, because of this I went to multiple different schools and as a result never made any friends, due to this I basically never learnt how to socialise with people. After leaving school back in 2011 I basically just sat at home not really knowing what to do, as the years went on my social anxiety got worse and worse to where it is today, my mum ran off with her ex boyfriend back in 2014 and made me and my younger brother homeless, leaving my dad to sort everything out. I haven’t seen my mum since.

At this point I hadn’t been diagnosed with autism, my dad was the one that first assumed that I had it, he was extremely supportive and did so much research on autism so that he could understand what it was like for me. He went with me to all my appointments too. My dad understood what autism meant… Long story short, my dad passed away in 2022 and because of this, I no longer have any family members that understand me.

I now live with just my step mum who doesn’t even believe in autism, which as a result makes things horrible for me because I am always stressed out, my life is utterly miserable, I have nothing going for me, I have no goals or plans, I know that I will never get a job and will ultimately end up on the streets because I just can’t get a job due to having no experience or qualifications and even if I did I wouldn’t be able to get through the interview without breaking down.

I seriously don’t know what to do, this post has turned more into me venting now but I seriously have no idea what to do with myself. I have this dream of getting a job and moving out of London but I know that’s never going to happen. I need advice, are there any autism groups that help people like me? Thank you and sorry for the long post.

Parents

  • There is a path that may lead you to somewhere better. I can't tell you if it is the right path for you, it comes with challenges and difficulties, but also opportunities.

    This is the path to university. It's a chance to leave London and your step mum. To thrust yourself into a new social environment where everyone is looking to make new friends and no body knows you (or anyone else).

    This is how you do it. go find a cheap(ish) regional university in an area where the cost of living isn't too high. Talk to them about access degrees, 4 year degrees where the 1st year is like a repeat of a levels. Pick a course that interests you and has good job prospects. Apply for it and a student loan. Make sure you apply for support / reasonable adjustments at your university.

    Pros:

    • If you graduate you'll have the qualifications for a proper job, especially if you choose your degree carefully.
    • The people around you are straight out of school. Their social skills are probably better than yours but they're not expecting each other to act like 'grown ups.'
    • You'll live on campus for the first year with other people also looking to make friends which will make learning to socialise and make friends easier.
    • You'll have a contact at the university who definitely does believe in autism who will try to help you settle in and cope with your life on campus.
    • Again if you chose your course well you'll be busy and also interested. You might find you do rather well when the thing you're learning about interests you and you're given support with autism specific issues.
    • You're going to gain a lot of confidence at uni.

    Cons:

    • You will be far from your brother who I'm guessing is your last sympathetic family member?
    • You will have an age gap between you and most of your peers. This is not fatal but it can make some people a little less inclined to include you in things.
    • This will involve a lot of change in a fairly short space of time, it might be a lot to cope with.
    • Student debt. After you graduate you'll have a lot of debt which means when you do finally get a proper job your wages will be noticeably cut into.

    I'm not saying this is the right answer for you ... but you should consider it.

  • in reply to Peter

    degrees and education is a long term thing though and requires putting up with hopelessness for a long time and hoping people just put up with you living off them for free... doesnt always work out... but as for a good education to go into... given the state of the nhs, the lack of workers in it and everyone going on strike i see the nhs as a super easy place to get into now that even uneducated people could go into now.... and no point believing the whiners about it being low wage, low wage is better than no wage, a person who was on nothing will feel like a super rich person on minimum wage anyway. perfect to get into the nhs while its on its knees now even without education. its a golden opportunity and if i was still unemployed id be poaching all them unapreciated nhs jobs that the workers are all neglecting abandoning and striking on and id see that as a easy entrance and a easy secure given the actions and laziness of nhs staff that dont appreciate the wealth and security they have.

Reply
  • in reply to Peter

    degrees and education is a long term thing though and requires putting up with hopelessness for a long time and hoping people just put up with you living off them for free... doesnt always work out... but as for a good education to go into... given the state of the nhs, the lack of workers in it and everyone going on strike i see the nhs as a super easy place to get into now that even uneducated people could go into now.... and no point believing the whiners about it being low wage, low wage is better than no wage, a person who was on nothing will feel like a super rich person on minimum wage anyway. perfect to get into the nhs while its on its knees now even without education. its a golden opportunity and if i was still unemployed id be poaching all them unapreciated nhs jobs that the workers are all neglecting abandoning and striking on and id see that as a easy entrance and a easy secure given the actions and laziness of nhs staff that dont appreciate the wealth and security they have.

Children
  • in reply to Caelus

    I don’t think university is for everyone but I don’t think the reasons you give are sound. Hopelessness is strongly driven by social isolation and an aparent lack of progression in life. If you throw yourself into both the study and social side university can be quite good at addressing this.

    And its certainly not free. You’ll come out with a lot of debt you are going to pay through the nose for university later in life.

    it’s probably only worth it career wise if you do a degree that sets you up well for an in damand line of work. So probably a stem course like computing or engineering.

    you’d need a degree for nursing or being a doctor. The NHS jobs out there that don’t need degrees are not just low pay they’re stressful. Push dead bodies around, cleaning up blood and vomit etc.

    im not saying going into work straight away is a bad idea. But getting a zero qualification job requires you show employers confidence and convince them you can work under pressure because most of those jobs involve stressful environments.

    If you’re looking for a less stressful zero qualifications job look at hospitality. Waiting tables, washing pots, working a bar. The most stressful thing you need to deal with is stropy customers.