Are there things you just 'don't get' in life? (as in understand the rules of)

I don't get life in the general sense.

Why are we brought in to the world only to have to go through rubbish things like school and bullying, then work for little reward, watch parents die and then die ourselves?

I lie awake at night (thank you, insomnia) and wonder about this.

Sorry if I sound bitter.

Not intentionally trying to get up people's noses.

Just sad.

I had one of my many practical realisations of this problem the other day.

So, I have a double sandwich toaster (Breville type, with a lid).

When I have a sandwich to toast I take each half and put it randomly in each side.

Each half sandwich comes out as a broken mess with the filling ouzing.

My husband saw me do this and explained that each side is for one whole sandwich and if you put it in there correctly the edges are sealed.

You can even fit 2 whole sandwiches in there! Lol.

I don't understand why I didn't see this in the 1st place.

My toasted sandwich world has radically improved  (after many years).

This troubles me too.  I don't wear a "watch out for me, I'm different" or "I'm autistic so might act differently" badge......but I do try to alert normies that I am different from the get-go so that they do not become alarmed by my individuality of spirit.  Thankfully, I don't think my "thing" will ever be adopted by the mainstream !!

I'm more Goth in spirit than you might ever imagine from my "Rees Mog" writings!

Yes, I try not to be judgemental but it does make me really uncomfortable when the people who bullied me for looking like this take it up for a year when it's cool.

It does feel like there's less of a uniform in the goth world but you still get broad style categories.

One thing I have noticed and which makes me uncomfortable is the way alternative goth/punk styles have been appropriated by the mainstream. It used to be that coloured hair was a symbol of alternative style or membership of a loosely alternative subculture. Dyed hair seems pretty mainstream these days, no-one bats an eyelid if you have purple, blue or green hair. I suppose it means there's one less identifier to spot someone of a similar subcultural identity.

I'm goth and I genuinely feel like there's more variety in the fashion you see in the goth community than there is in mainstream fashion. It's quite the achievement when we're all wearing all black every day! It's especially true for men's fashion I think, because the colour choices there are so limited and the expectations are so strict.

I must admit, post diagnosis life has started to head this way for me too. It offers a certain freedom that I couldn’t offer myself before.

Like you, I can remember doing the same from a very young age. Why was, and still is, my favourite question. It’s funny to look back on those early years where I was the ‘quirky guy’ (that could have been my new username really) stood on the peripheries observing rather than joining in and seeing it with the knowledge I have now.

As you say, I’m content with not joining in with that particular norm.

I think with friendship, and everything in life really, quality over quantity is what counts. What’s the point of having 4000 ‘friends’ that wouldn’t raise a finger to help in the moment you need them vs 1 or 2 who would be there in a heartbeat. If only more people viewed it this way, I think interaction could be a whole lot clearer.

I have tried to get my head around these matters that you speak of since my days of primary school.

One of the greatest blessings that my autism "diagnosis" has given me, is permission to stop trying to understand the faux social relationships that people endure together.

I have never been able to understand it, nor will I ever be able to.  I am now content with that outcome.

Oakling said:

If you don’t get on with someone, move on. That how it is in my eyes anyway.

I'm the same on this one.

I had years of former friends still sending me Christmas cards but if I suggested meeting up, they were always busy.

So, I decided I was only going to send cards to people who actually had a role in my life.

I don't understand the false online friendships either (I'm not talking about here, by-the-way, which I value).

But, someone will proudly boast about how many Facebook friends they have, even though they either met them once or just never actually see them in person.

I find this falseness rather odd.

As I've grown older, I have become less and less tolerant of people in my life who kind of have one foot in the door.

So now, I just have 2 valuable 'real' friends who I enjoy spending time with and who appear to enjoy spending time with me.

My current battle for understanding is trying to see why people don’t say what/act like how they actually feel during social interactions.

I’m not particularly blunt with people and I certainly wouldn’t like to come across as rude to anyone, but when I encounter someone I don’t like or am weary of, I don’t put any time or effort into interacting with them. No false smiles, excited conversation, fake interest, as little small talk as possible- I only do what is strictly necessary for the context. I will not be combative or argumentative, but just very reserved. Others don’t seem to do this in favour of going the other way. 

I have recently had it pointed out to me that a group of people I thought were incredibly close don’t actually really get on at all and haven’t for a long time, but rather than distancing themselves and keeping interaction functional, they tend to feign happiness in order to keep things ‘smoothed over’. This seems to be, upon further discussion, a fairly well establish social norm.

It’s a puzzling one for sure, but I’m trying to get my head around it. I’m not sure I could ever see myself doing that though, it seems far to much of a lie in my eyes. If you don’t get on with someone, move on. That how it is in my eyes anyway.

I am noticing this more and more myself too.  The homogenised nature of fashion.  Around me, knitted bobble hat (wackyish colours) with a yellow/orange puffer jacket + jeans seems to be the appropriate on-trend at the moment.

I always dress the same and have done for about a dozen years now.  Fashion is smoke and mirrors to extract cash from NT's I think.

I don't get why everyone seems to dress the same.

Take the colder months in the west for example; blue or black down jackets. You see them everywhere,!!? I even saw a couple yesterday wearing the same jacket, similar jeans, and the same trainers.

With the variety of clothing out there I like to play with what I wear, it's fun, and I actually tone it down loads so I don't make people comment etc, but really I'd like to wear really random clothes tbh.

Walk into Next or M&S, the ladies or kids clothes are colourful, have different prints and weaves. Then you walk into the men's section, it's like being on a morgue of boredom!

So I look go places like Urban Outfitters or Diesel etc, and I love the clothes, but the prices are insanely high!

No, I'm with you. I prefer not having to interact, but the flip side is, for some reason, the self service area feels a bit like the wild west; people everywhere, lots of frustration. Then you see the staff member in charge and their stress levels as they sprint from issue to issue which I then take on and feel stressed myself. Earplugs help.

Defo think supermarkets needs to review their protocols to incorporate ND minds, it makes me  to visit them.

I know Tesco's do an autism friendly session sometime but personally I'd rather not walk round with a (metaphorical) sign on

Double standards annoy the heck out of me. As does "sophistication".. 

IT woudl be good fro mine too, but my ex, already wrote my epitaph: 

"As in life, the "late" Sxxxx Xxxxx"

Then it's apparently all OK with everyone else because, well, that's just their way or maybe "they don't suffer fools gladly" (and naturally I'm cast as the fool in that scenario).  

So yes, actually, this is an important one to add to the list of things we just don't get - double standards!

The 'obvious' one is the one I hate. So I might take longer to follow the instructions and understand but that doesn't help the understanding to be told it was obvious to them. Also they will say something that doesn't follow on from the previous comment then expect you to realise which one it related to when the reply doesn't make sense to them.

I had that recently. I think the lady wanted to tell someone about her day and I walked by. I guess some people are lonely.

It's worse than that. It's a game, and if you don't play your part right, you lose.