Published on 12, July, 2020
Thanks to Number in another thread (root beer) I've been thinking of the many things I've just 'not got' and done wrong.
Usually the clue that I'm not 'getting it' is the look of wonder on the faces of other people.
I'm suspecting now this may be autism related.
There are countless examples during my life but here a few.
McDonalds: I don't really understand McDonalds and I don't spend time in them without another person.
My mum used to like them so I'd take her there for lunch sometimes.
One of the 1st times she asked me to collect a menu for her and some cutlery.
I couldn't understand why these weren't on the table.
So, I went to the counter and asked for these things.
After this initial trauma, I then had the trauma of trying to understand what you are supposed to eat off of and with.
Doh.
McDonalds is a particular thing with me I think.
I was with my autistic friend on our way back from visiting his mother and we went to a McD.
He asked me to get him a 'root beer'.
So, I asked for such at the counter only to be asked what that is.
I said 'I don't know' so no root beer was presented to my friend.
Another prime example is going to a spa and swimming baths in a hotel.
I'm not a swimmer or a spa goer.
So, the 1st thing I did was put my make-up on before going there.
Then, I couldn't understand how the lockers worked and had to get assistance.
Then, I eventually found the toilets but couldn't find my way back to the swimming pool so I walked through reception soaking wet in my swimming costume.
I was also in a church once when a service began and loads of people sat around me.
I had gone in there because I was in a strange city and cold and was using the church as a refuge.
I thought I could just sit there whilst the service took place.
I hadn't anticipated communion and although I'm not a Catholic or a church goer, and although I didn't understand what I was doing, I felt obliged to follow everyone up and take communion.
There are so many examples I won't continue.
Is it just me or are there other people here who just don't 'get it?'.
My current battle for understanding is trying to see why people don’t say what/act like how they actually feel during social interactions.
I’m not particularly blunt with people and I certainly wouldn’t like to come across as rude to anyone, but when I encounter someone I don’t like or am weary of, I don’t put any time or effort into interacting with them. No false smiles, excited conversation, fake interest, as little small talk as possible- I only do what is strictly necessary for the context. I will not be combative or argumentative, but just very reserved. Others don’t seem to do this in favour of going the other way.
I have recently had it pointed out to me that a group of people I thought were incredibly close don’t actually really get on at all and haven’t for a long time, but rather than distancing themselves and keeping interaction functional, they tend to feign happiness in order to keep things ‘smoothed over’. This seems to be, upon further discussion, a fairly well establish social norm.
It’s a puzzling one for sure, but I’m trying to get my head around it. I’m not sure I could ever see myself doing that though, it seems far to much of a lie in my eyes. If you don’t get on with someone, move on. That how it is in my eyes anyway.
I have tried to get my head around these matters that you speak of since my days of primary school.
One of the greatest blessings that my autism "diagnosis" has given me, is permission to stop trying to understand the faux social relationships that people endure together.
I have never been able to understand it, nor will I ever be able to. I am now content with that outcome.
I must admit, post diagnosis life has started to head this way for me too. It offers a certain freedom that I couldn’t offer myself before.
Like you, I can remember doing the same from a very young age. Why was, and still is, my favourite question. It’s funny to look back on those early years where I was the ‘quirky guy’ (that could have been my new username really) stood on the peripheries observing rather than joining in and seeing it with the knowledge I have now.
As you say, I’m content with not joining in with that particular norm.