Are there things you just 'don't get' in life? (as in understand the rules of)

Yes, I do make a brief apology before I tuck in and mention that it's losing heat too quickly, plus, if I'm served last, I encourage others to go ahead.  But it's another area of awkwardness and sometimes I've felt others gving me the side eye. 

1.  I do have more than a little of that conditioning myself.  It's just that, in a canteen situation where, say, some have chosen a Snickers, others a Mars bar, others a Twix, it seems absurd when those who chose a tiny bag of Maltesers or a small bag of crisps feel the need to offer them round.  I sort of feel that when, at the end of the round, there are none left for the purchaser, this will also be a faux pas.  If, however, I'd got a family box of Maltesers then round they'd go. 

2.  She was great!  Work ethic, approach to life - she had it all!

Ugh, yes, I've noticed that accommodations only go one way too- when we're really good at something we're expected to understand that it doesn't come easily to others but nobody else ever gives us that understanding in return, because our talents and struggles tend to lie outside the norm.

I suspect a lot of people see me as the stereotypical 'eccentric professor' type and it's very frustrating because it feels more like a "haha what a weirdo, they can do THIS but not THAT" reaction rather than a solid understanding of how autism can be expressed as extremes.

Why people make small talk? Usually a complete stranger stops and talks to me briefly like we're old friends and have known each other for years. The rule seems to be - it's ok and good fun. But why? I do not understand this.

jenny, 

1. I do the maltesers thing myself. I think it is conditioning from the adverts because that is the thing they do in the advert. when something is repeated over and over again, it conditions you. That is how "training" often works. Plus I was taught to share form an early age.

2. Who's this friend of yours? I like her work ethic...

Jenny Butterfly said:

Why, when in large groups at canteen time, people who have bought, say, a small, individual bag of Maltesers, will start to offer them around - there clearly aren't going to be enough and you wouldn't carve up a similarly sized Mars bar!

Why, when the food comes to the table in a pub and there's a wait for everyone to be served, we're to allow our food to go cold while we wait for everyone to be served.

Both of these make absolutely no sense and I delight in going against the grain with this sort of thing.  I wouldn't even mention not sharing my Maltesers but I would do a cursory check that everyone at the table was happy if I started my meal in the pub and of course they'd never say no.  I hate cold food that is supposed to be hot so I always just tuck in.

Exactly.  I also noticed that, when I could do things that they couldn't, their needs were taken into account as they were seen to be reasonable.  This occurred quite regularly in the workplace, with them given additional study support to get through exams I'd sailed through or a mentor to help with getting onto the next rung of the ladder.  When I needed help with public speaking or doing presentations I got, "Well, we'd expect somebody with your qualifications to be able to do this!"  Plus any questions about managing anxiety were met with, "Everyone gets butterflies!"

I think the view was that I was some kind of "intellectual halfwit"!  :(

Jenny Butterfly said:

Likewise "You just get a feel for it" or "It's like riding a bike or driving a car", when I'm asking for details because clearly, for me, that "feel for it" isn't developing and I actually found learning to drive extremely difficult and stressy. 

This one in particular really bothers me because I can't cycle OR drive! But if I say that to gently point out that we all find different things difficult they just freak out about "how can you possibly live like that" and make me feel even more stupid than I did with the initial activity I was struggling with.

Jenny Butterfly said:

I think I'll eventually be exiting this world with a huge feeling of "I just don't get it". 

That list really resonated with  me and yes, I think the above would be appropriate wording on my gravestone.

Why, when in large groups at canteen time, people who have bought, say, a small, individual bag of Maltesers, will start to offer them around - there clearly aren't going to be enough and you wouldn't carve up a similarly sized Mars bar!

Why, when the food comes to the table in a pub and there's a wait for everyone to be served, we're to allow our food to go cold while we wait for everyone to be served.  

Why people assume that, since they find something easy, others should be blamed for not being able to do it. 

Why explanations like, "It's just common sense" or "general knowledge" or "obvious" seem to be OK, without any further elaboration.

Likewise "You just get a feel for it" or "It's like riding a bike or driving a car", when I'm asking for details because clearly, for me, that "feel for it" isn't developing and I actually found learning to drive extremely difficult and stressy.  (And yes, even "therapists" have used that one)

I could go on but really it's become more generalised as I've gone through life.  That feeling of a mismatch such that structures and routines (within education systems, the workplace, access to healthcare etc ) that are commonly accepted have taken a huge toll on me.  

I think I'll eventually be exiting this world with a huge feeling of "I just don't get it".  Mind you, one of my best laughs at work was when one of my colleagues (the one who was reprimanded for giving her spreadsheet "inappropriate file names" like "shxt job 1, shxt job 2 etc) stated very loudly, as the end of what I like to call "Shxt Day 1043", "I want my epitaph to read, "What the fxxx was that all about?"     

The last 're-birth' (for now).....

'I thought it might be fun to bring one or two of my old threads back up.

There seem to have been quite a few new members of the forum in recent weeks, so they may like to read or even post on them.

Time will tell.'

The design of this forum.

It is hideous.  Even trying to log in has given me a meltdown. 

Then I read through the replies and scroll all the way back to the top to reply. 

WHYYYYYYYY?????

I was born into a Jewish family who were mildly religious. When I looked further into Judaism and the 613 torah laws every good Jew is expected to follow I thought---you gotta be kidding!  Surely God can't expect perfection in humanity? --- and to what end? ---- even if the impossible was possible. Sorry, but this isn't the platform to take this topic any further with those of us who have intense focus.

It's really funny listening to the sunday service on radio 4 with this mindset, especially when you get those new-age churches who try to force weird metaphors into their sermons. My favourite was "Jesus is like an optician"....

Got your message on my IPhone. Thanks for that.  My hand is like a plate of ham too big for those fiddly buttons. Besides which I'm unfamiliar with replying to messages on Iphone. After playing around on it I finally got to READ your message!  Once again thanks.  Further to your message, my next-door neighbour explained to me the pitfalls of Masonic membership and why he "unsubscribed." I believe his description---generally speaking and not necessarily specific to the Mason's---is likely to be in keeping with your own experiences. 

I think I'm probably a religious person's nightmare because I can't help but ask a million questions and then I don't get their answers at all I don't mean any disrespect but I genuinely don't understand that way of thinking.

When I get completely fixated with a subject I sort-of expect other people to be as absorbed in the subject as I am. I play bass in a band and I'm really interested in the sound engineering aspect of setting up and running the PA system, so I expect all my other band members to be as interested in the details as I am (even down to what sort of cables I'm using and why). I sometimes forget that other people just don't want to know as much detail about things!

Then another thing that I really don't get is religion (I'm talking mainly about Christianity as it was the dominant religion in my family when I was growing up). I remember coming home from primary school and being completely baffled by something a teacher had said in assembly. They had said that God made everything in the world. I asked my parents about this as I really couldn't understand why someone would say that. To demonstrate my anxiety about trying to understand I picked up a pepper mill from the kitchen table and asked my parents "So, did God make this?". I obviously knew that God didn't make the pepper mill but I couldn't get my brain to hold two obviously opposing ideas at the same time. I couldn't understand why someone would say something so clearly untrue.

The other thing I remember is being told that "Jesus is to your right, to your left, in front of you, behind you, above you and below you", and I took this idea literally. I thought "well you're just talking nonsense now". 

When I get completely fixated with a subject I sort-of expect other people to be as absorbed in the subject as I am. I play bass in a band and I'm really interested in the sound engineering aspect of setting up and running the PA system, so I expect all my other band members to be as interested in the details as I am (even down to what sort of cables I'm using and why). I sometimes forget that other people just don't want to know as much detail about things!

Then another thing that I really don't get is religion (I'm talking mainly about Christianity as it was the dominant religion in my family when I was growing up). I remember coming home from primary school and being completely baffled by something a teacher had said in assembly. They had said that God made everything in the world. I asked my parents about this as I really couldn't understand why someone would say that. To demonstrate my anxiety about trying to understand I picked up a pepper mill from the kitchen table and asked my parents "So, did God make this?". I obviously knew that God didn't make the pepper mill but I couldn't get my brain to hold two obviously opposing ideas at the same time. I couldn't understand why someone would say something so clearly untrue.

The other thing I remember is being told that "Jesus is to your right, to your left, in front of you, behind you, above you and below you", and I took this idea literally. I thought "well you're just talking nonsense now". 

I'm glad to hear that NAS is proving good for you too.  I certainly is working for me.

Yes, it was but I thought it appropriate to throw it in point E anyway!  ___ "appropriate" is one of my rare moments!  

Thanks for your input. I'm not one to tar everyone with the same brush. This crowd on NAS are the single greatest exception which is a welcomed relief.