Christmas is a struggle

In fact you are fortunate to live in an age of information at your fingers with the Internet my son didn't believe his diagnosis and was in denial for 5 yrs and then did his own research on line and for all his problems he is still very intelligent like you most  should be able to find scholarly articles worth there read to inform you to make an informed decision. 

To be honest it could be asd or even ptsd etc or even some things are a mixture of two comrbidity etc best get on to some specialist to get diagnosed but process can take time please be aware and this is a good thing as a good doctor will not rush a diagnosis.  Hope that helps

Now I know that a great deal of the trouble and strife I've suffered for the first 58 years was down to other people, then NO, I don't feel "braver" about social situations, but I do feel a lot "braver" about refusing or declining to participate in them unless I want or need to, and then it's going to be on MY terms or I'll leave.

Thank you for your time.  I feel in a similar position to you!  As a scientist with a scientist partner and two sons, I forget that other people have different rules and expectations since I think most people I interact with daily are also not neurotypical.  That's why external social and family occasions are difficult and I am totally dependent on my place of work for feeling at peace with myself.  Perhaps a diagnosis will enable me to have more courage if I need to find work elsewhere in the future and allow me to feel braver in social situations - but maybe also it would also just give me more freedom to hide?  Wishing you all the best for 2023.

Thank you for your comments,

K

I too find socialising challenging, including working within groups at work. Elements of Christmas are also hard for me, change of routine & environment. I'm 54 now, don't have an official diagnosis as yet, but on the 3 year NHS assessment waiting list. 

An diagnosis won't change me, but I'd like to know. I've always found mixing within large groups difficult, even as child, but that was just my norm, I new no different. I don't like sudden change or a break within my routine, either.

I can say though that I'm happily married & have a son, whom I'm extremely proud of, as he's exceeded all of my expectations. My wife knows & understands me well, including all of my quirks. 

I used to try real hard every year ti find the money, and do all the stuff people think of as Christmas. 

Gradually that has fallen away, and this Christmas apart from a bit of "free gifting"  I have bought and given nothing except the actual message of Christmas.

I shall also spend it alone with the cats as My exotic O/H is travelling with her brother to East Germany to visit distant rellies, and someone has to feed these little munchers. 

I declined my daughters usual overnight Christmas eve stay too, as I needed to help load a 1990s Scroocco onto a trailer and she only ever gives me stuff to do and prattles on about herself.

Having dropped all the usual stressors, I feel unusually peaceful and unstressed.

All I want for Christmas is an equitable and swift resolution to the Ukraine conflict, along with an out break of general increased human honesty, and love.

With you all the way K. Sounds like me. My diagnosis was late in life and my family have been brilliant and are more supportive than I could have ever wished for. They help by recognising I need space and seclusion and they make sure I am given it without judgement. I consider my formal diagnosis as key and would recommend it to anyone regardless of age etc. 

Amen to that

Thank you for your advice.  This is something to think carefully about, clearly.  I will do some more reading into what it all entails and what it could help with.  Thank you so much for taking the time and interest.  I really do appreciate all the help and support and I wish you all well.

Being on the spectrum does often mean an uneven skillset. If you still want to get an NHS diagnosis the wait may be a bit long but would be worth it if you need to bring it up in future because unfortunately access to some support services is overly medicalised and requires you to prove you need them. Also for anyone you dont want or need to tell about the diagnosis you aren't legally obigated to tell anyone just because you have it (the diagnosis).

NAS83894 said:

I hope you all have a peaceful and stress-free Christmas.  I am planning a long walk in the rain...!

I hope you have fun! I find there's nothing more calming than listening to the rain hitting an umbrella.

Thanks so much for all the guidance and support.  I did several of the online tests (all with high scores), but I don't think I can justify asking for an NHS referral to diagnose since I am able to work as a scientist quite naturally and it is usually only relationships with family and people I don't know that causes problems.  A private diagnosis is way beyond my means at ~£1700.  I think I may be better off just looking into tools for managing the things I struggle with or a way to explain to my family that I cannot live up to their expectations?

I hope you all have a peaceful and stress-free Christmas.  I am planning a long walk in the rain...!

K

i didn't read anyone's comment but from what I read it's worth seeking an official diagnosis . I'm kawthar 19 attend city of Glasgow college . i am waiting on a diagnosis of autism rn 

I'm backing this up by saying it isn't a miracle cure. Just done some of the pre christmas rounds. I started to feel anxious about this 2 days ago.  This feeling will probably continue until after Boxing Day. 

Thank you all so so much for your warm and helpful replies!  I didn't think anyone would respond, but so many of you have been so thoughtful and so generous with your time.  I will read through everything you have all said, make some notes and have a good think.  It does sound like there might be some reliable self diagnostic tools that I could look into and perhaps then I would feel more confident about finding some coping strategies - especially at this time of year. I have found over the last 25 years that my family probably feel hurt by my responses to situations and so I do need to learn a way to deal with this.  A diagnosis or a set of tools for behaving in social situations might be useful!  Thank you all so so much and I hope you get through the oncoming weeks successfully.

K

Thank you all so so much for your warm and helpful replies! I didn't think anyone would respond, but so many of you have been so thoughtful and so generous with your time. I will read through everything you have all said, make some notes and have a good think. It does sound like there might be some reliable self diagnostic tools that I could look into and perhaps then I would feel more confident about finding some coping strategies - especially at this time of year. I have found over the last 25 years that my family probably feel hurt by my responses to situations and so I do need to learn a way to deal with this. A diagnosis or a set of tools for behaving in social situations might be useful! Thank you all so so much and I hope you get through the oncoming weeks successfully.

K

Thank you all so so much for your warm and helpful replies!  I didn't think anyone would respond, but so many of you have been so thoughtful and so generous with your time.  I will read through everything you have all said, make some notes and have a good think.  It does sound like there might be some reliable self diagnostic tools that I could look into and perhaps then I would feel more confident about finding some coping strategies - especially at this time of year. I have found over the last 25 years that my family probably feel hurt by my responses to situations and so I do need to learn a way to deal with this.  A diagnosis or a set of tools for behaving in social situations might be useful!  Thank you all so so much and I hope you get through the oncoming weeks successfully.

K

Hii K, a very warm welcome to the community! 

You're definitely not alone. Lots of us here have the same struggles with social interaction and Christmas. Be kind to yourself, you are who you are and that's just fine.

I think a diagnosis will give you the answers you've been looking for so I think it's definitely a worthwhile thing to look into - you have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

Best of luck xxx

My advice if you aren't sure is to take all the free "tests" (they aren't a replacement for a real diagnosis) you can find online from reasonable sources. take every result individualy with some scepticism but look at all of them together and see if there is a pattern,  (I have a feeling you don't need me to explain why as you are a scientist so you probably work with data anyway.) And if you feel strongly about the result you can take that as some starter evidence as well as your own testimony of your personal experiences to a GP and ask for a referal with an intent to diagnose or dismisss whether it might be Autism.
Also in my experience getting the diagnosis can also be very stigmatising, so it's worth weighing whether the official diagnosis would help you by giving you access to support you actually need or wouldn't actually change anything in a meaningful sense. Because there's also nothing wrong with self diagnosis if you are fairly certain, and going so in "good faith", lack of an official diagnosis doesn't exclude you from autism communities if you feel you get good support here, and feel like going the clinical route would be a bother to you.

Hello K, many of us find socializing hard so do not be hard on yourself.  I liberated myself from Christmas years ago and love being able to simply go out for a bike ride instead. I note that more and more people are doing this or going out for a walk so please never feel you have to do Christmas. I hope your journey towards a diagnosis goes well and that you make friends here on the community.  

It's difficult, as we're not social animals; plus, we were wounded in the past.

However, God willing, you can make time for yourself; recuperating, when necessary.