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Christmas is a struggle

NAS83894

Hello

I have not been diagnosed with autism, but have always felt I don't fit in and am wondering now in later life if it is worth or even possible to try and get a formal diagnosis?  What are your experiences please?  I am a scientist who has no real friendships outside of work and I find it difficult to feel part of any groups and my own family.  I am OK with one on one relationships, but I always need a time limit/exit strategy, so am wondering if this is a recognised sign?  I find Christmas hard every year since I hate family gatherings and know that I will probably upset someone at some point.  I suppose I was hoping that a formal diagnosis might make it easier to explain to people why I don't want to participate - but is that just me looking for excuses?  Is there a reliable way I could self-assess before considering whether to waste anyone's time?

Thank you for listening.

K

Parents

  • I too find socialising challenging, including working within groups at work. Elements of Christmas are also hard for me, change of routine & environment. I'm 54 now, don't have an official diagnosis as yet, but on the 3 year NHS assessment waiting list. 

    An diagnosis won't change me, but I'd like to know. I've always found mixing within large groups difficult, even as child, but that was just my norm, I new no different. I don't like sudden change or a break within my routine, either.

    I can say though that I'm happily married & have a son, whom I'm extremely proud of, as he's exceeded all of my expectations. My wife knows & understands me well, including all of my quirks. 

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  • I too find socialising challenging, including working within groups at work. Elements of Christmas are also hard for me, change of routine & environment. I'm 54 now, don't have an official diagnosis as yet, but on the 3 year NHS assessment waiting list. 

    An diagnosis won't change me, but I'd like to know. I've always found mixing within large groups difficult, even as child, but that was just my norm, I new no different. I don't like sudden change or a break within my routine, either.

    I can say though that I'm happily married & have a son, whom I'm extremely proud of, as he's exceeded all of my expectations. My wife knows & understands me well, including all of my quirks. 

Children
  • in reply to Phoenixboy

    Thank you for your time.  I feel in a similar position to you!  As a scientist with a scientist partner and two sons, I forget that other people have different rules and expectations since I think most people I interact with daily are also not neurotypical.  That's why external social and family occasions are difficult and I am totally dependent on my place of work for feeling at peace with myself.  Perhaps a diagnosis will enable me to have more courage if I need to find work elsewhere in the future and allow me to feel braver in social situations - but maybe also it would also just give me more freedom to hide?  Wishing you all the best for 2023.

    Thank you for your comments,

    K