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Christmas is a struggle

NAS83894

Hello

I have not been diagnosed with autism, but have always felt I don't fit in and am wondering now in later life if it is worth or even possible to try and get a formal diagnosis?  What are your experiences please?  I am a scientist who has no real friendships outside of work and I find it difficult to feel part of any groups and my own family.  I am OK with one on one relationships, but I always need a time limit/exit strategy, so am wondering if this is a recognised sign?  I find Christmas hard every year since I hate family gatherings and know that I will probably upset someone at some point.  I suppose I was hoping that a formal diagnosis might make it easier to explain to people why I don't want to participate - but is that just me looking for excuses?  Is there a reliable way I could self-assess before considering whether to waste anyone's time?

Thank you for listening.

K

  • Yes, to all the above...except the excuses bit

    For me it was very definitely worth it at the grand old age of 56 for me; a life saver, in fact.  Knowing makes it so much easier, not just in terms of what I understand about myself as an autistic person, but in terms of how and why I am communicating my needs to others.

    I very much recognise what you say about one to one relationships - I have good friends amongst like minded people  - but I am not great with groups at all and I don't even fit in in my own family, and yes, it is a recognised "sign".  And I can't stand Christmas - all that social pressure when all I want is my duvet and a good book!  And all that commercial pressure - I hate shopping!

    And yes, lots of people are content to self-identify.  For all I've benefited hugely from an assessment, not everyone wants to go through that.  A good place to start for your own curiosity would be to complete an AQ50.  You should find one online.  It isn't a diagnosis but it is the preliminary test moany clinicians would use to assess likelihood of autism and therefore decide whether or not to do a full formal assessment.  

    But the one "no" is that you are not making excuses.  If you are autistic, you are processing all sorts of information differently, thinking differently, communicating different, processing emotion differently - not less well, but differently.  To get on with the rest of the human race we need to be understood as much as to understand; like two people of different cultures.  When each understands why one is different from the other, we might find the common ground.  But neither is making excuses - they just need to be understood.

  • I find a diagnosis gives you permission to be yourself. 

  • It's definitely not making an excuse!  It's definitely worth seeking a diagnosis.  For me discovering the autistic experience was like discovering the habdbook for my entire life.  It explained everything. It does take a lot of effort to get other people to understand it too, but at least it's a place to start.

    Go to embrace-autism.com/.../ and note your results.  The AQ is a good starter and is often used in the diagnostic process.  None of the tests are perfect, but they should give you a better idea of whether you need to investigate more.  There are lots of notes about each test including evaluation.  The RAADS is another one that can be helpful to give you a no or a maybe, and the Aspie quiz is fun (if complicated) because it rates you in the different areas of the spectrum.