Novel dating strategies for autistic people.

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One thing I actually tried and tbh didn't work for me was joining one of these autism dating agencies. They'd closed their dating services down due to the pandemic and as it happens never reopened them. They did briefly start a friend meeting service which they told me had no one suitable for me.

That's the problem. 90% of these services have autistic people with intellectual disabilities. If the pair some one with an IQ in the 110s or 120s to some one with an IQ in the 70s or 80s they worry ... well first they worry it will be a bad experience for both sides. It's probably tricky to find common ground when one party is going on about petaflops and the other struggles to send an email. Secondly they probably worry it looks exploitative. That there is the appearance of power imbalance. Whether or not that's justified is another matter. I suspect this is also why you don't see a lot of high functioning autistic people in so called reality tv shows. I don't think any one wants to see an awkward date between people who talk languages which are metaphorically totally different.

Maybe there ought to be a high IQ autistic society. Like mensa for autistic people. I know that sounds incredibly elitist but it would help concentrate the relatively rarer high functioning autistic people together for forming friendships and dating. I'd say any IQ in 3 figures should do (given an IQ of 100 is considered average).

Believe me if I thought the tart approach would have worked for me I would have tried it.

tbh I don’t mind restaurants so much so long as I know them, know what’s on the menu that I feel comfortable ordering. 

But I do like the idea of doing activities as dates. Laser tag is a lot of fun.

I think it's fantastic that you're approaching this in a different way.

For me, it was the Tart Approach. I never really went on traditional dates at all. I was on the goth scene and my tactic was to wiggle my bum on the dance floor until someone noticed and took me home. I kissed a lot of frogs that way. Ultimately, the person I ended up with was someone I'd known for a long time, and when we were both single at the same time we got together and it worked.

I think autistic dates should be different from NT dates. Restaurants definitely no thank you. They should focus on our special interests because that's when we really come alive and are at our most passionate.  

Or sensory rooms. I'd love one that's open to the public so we could just go and relax there. That would be wonderfully romantic for me, just sitting under pretty lights in the quiet together.

allistic can't think without stereotyping, and they make movies to make profit, that equals movie targets specific stereotypes as intended viewers

Kudos

Sometime ago I came up with a name for results of such an approach to problem solving.

I call them RADICAL SOLUTIONS

Also, don’t go down the auction route as that is totally dehumanising and demeaning. I can’t think of much worse in relation to this topic.

I don’t know I’ve seen charity date auctions done once or twice and it seemed to work ok.

They then decided that I “wasn’t autistic enough” and would like me to have a meltdown.

I do get the feeling that these shows are not looking for high functioning autistic people. I guess it might Present certain challenges for them. High functioning autistic people are less likely to be in contact with an autistic charity. It’s probably hard for them to find other high functioning autistic people to pair them with.

This in addition to selecting a girl who was 21 when I

I mean that kind of makes sense . If they started by pairing you based on shared interest you might not have many good options in the same age range.

I can honestly say that if I was tempted to get on the dating scene, none of the ideas you have suggested would appeal. However, I take my hat off to you for thinking outside the box and coming up with alternative dating strategies for autistic people.

i can't really advise, I was married but I think my lack of communication drove us apart so I've been trying a few dating sites and boy are there some rude people out there, so if you do get any bright ideas let us all know

I watched the American series of 'Love on the Spectrum'. Whilst I found it interesting, I also felt frustrated that many of the people featured appeared to tick the autistic stereotype box.

It is seemingly more difficult for those on the spectrum to find romantic partner especially if, like me you were diagnosed at a time in April 1989 when few members of the general had heard of the condition. Ostensibly I think sometimes it is easier regarding this if you are diagnosed later well into adulthood, are younger than my almost 38 years or live in a proper big City.

However, I wasn’t emotionally ready until my early-mid thirties to put myself out there as I always have a support worker, who was also a family member, my sister with me when I went out later on in time or with close personal mates.

You can read in my depth my experiences here https://community.autism.org.uk/f/mental-health-and-wellbeing/28867/any-single-girls-aged-between-29-40-on-here/253422#253422

All I will add is to avoid shows like “Love on the Spectrum” like the Bubonic Plague as they solely exist for entertainment purposes. I almost found this out to my cost when The Undateables approached me out of the blue before selecting me to go on their 2018 series. They even filmed me in various locations within North Wales, where I am from. They then decided that I “wasn’t autistic enough” and would like me to have a meltdown. This in addition to selecting a girl who was 21 when I was 33 at the time.

Also, don’t go down the auction route as that is totally dehumanising and demeaning. I can’t think of much worse in relation to this topic.

So it really is just me?