Published on 12, July, 2020
So I noticed a few days ago a post about a UK version of 'love on the spectrim.' I don't know about you but it got me thinking about very out of the box dating strategies. I think it's universally acknowledged that autistic people, even quite high functioning autistic people, generally struggle to find romantic / sexual partners. Going on TV is one very extreme strategy for finding a partner but have you ever thought of others? If you're like me you approach these sorts of frustrations in life by turning them over in your mind coming up with plan after plan each more far fetched than the last. Personally I'd love to know I'm not the only one. Let me share a few of my mad cap ideas with you.
This one is more or less ripped straight off the big bang theory. The notion being that if your interlect is rather more impresive that your body and you're intrested in finding a mate who shares your intrests why not make it a competion. The general notion being that you put up an advert to an alternate reality type game where dating you is the prize. If this seams fanciful remember a huge number of people competed in Cicada 3301 mostly out of curiosity and the fun of solving the puzzles. Something that could filter out those who are intolerant to my general obsession with science, weird stuff and my puerile ribald sense of humour might be quite a good dating strategy.
People always seem to value things they pay for more and who doesn't love doing stuff for charity. So called charity slave auctions used to be quite popular even if the terminology is no longer PC I could imagine on a docket all the educational accolades might sound impressive. Putting my time up for auction might work. I imagine if I were the the bidder the young lady might just grin and bare an awkward date but if I was the one bid on I suspect the bidder would want to make an effort to make something of the money she spent on me.
These days becoming a VTuber is a bit like becoming a rockstar. They definitely have their groupies. And these groupies are usually anime obsessed, horny 'degens.' So just like me.
That's just a sample. We also have cosplay blind speed dating, setting up my own dating site. etc. What mental gymnastics has your mind gone through to address your dating woes?
It is seemingly more difficult for those on the spectrum to find romantic partner especially if, like me you were diagnosed at a time in April 1989 when few members of the general had heard of the condition. Ostensibly I think sometimes it is easier regarding this if you are diagnosed later well into adulthood, are younger than my almost 38 years or live in a proper big City.
However, I wasn’t emotionally ready until my early-mid thirties to put myself out there as I always have a support worker, who was also a family member, my sister with me when I went out later on in time or with close personal mates.
You can read in my depth my experiences here https://community.autism.org.uk/f/mental-health-and-wellbeing/28867/any-single-girls-aged-between-29-40-on-here/253422#253422
All I will add is to avoid shows like “Love on the Spectrum” like the Bubonic Plague as they solely exist for entertainment purposes. I almost found this out to my cost when The Undateables approached me out of the blue before selecting me to go on their 2018 series. They even filmed me in various locations within North Wales, where I am from. They then decided that I “wasn’t autistic enough” and would like me to have a meltdown. This in addition to selecting a girl who was 21 when I was 33 at the time.
Also, don’t go down the auction route as that is totally dehumanising and demeaning. I can’t think of much worse in relation to this topic.
I don’t know I’ve seen charity date auctions done once or twice and it seemed to work ok.
They then decided that I “wasn’t autistic enough” and would like me to have a meltdown.
I do get the feeling that these shows are not looking for high functioning autistic people. I guess it might Present certain challenges for them. High functioning autistic people are less likely to be in contact with an autistic charity. It’s probably hard for them to find other high functioning autistic people to pair them with.
This in addition to selecting a girl who was 21 when I
I mean that kind of makes sense . If they started by pairing you based on shared interest you might not have many good options in the same age range.
I watched the American series of 'Love on the Spectrum'. Whilst I found it interesting, I also felt frustrated that many of the people featured appeared to tick the autistic stereotype box.