I can't relate to most autistic people

That's a pretty Autistic post in and of itself in my opinion...

And whilst waiting for your turn to "get off your face, and get laid", why not, maybe, find ways to use your time either profitably, enjoyably or in the service of others?

Or any combination you can manage! Fill the time in between the empty experiences with worthwhile ones..

I've acquired both diagnoses separately.The ADHD one was 17 years before the Autism one.It explained a lot but not all.

I'd LOVE to live in an orderly environment, and have got close on occasion, but usually live in chaos. 

I mean autism is my main issue to me having difficulties making friends in turn causing my depression.

I only realised ADHD began to really affect me recently, when I began driving, and when i started the workplace. In school I always got by even if i was a terrible mess and very unorganised.

I have both diagnoses - ASD first, that was like last year, ADHD a week ago. ASD was suspected in my childhood but often I fell *just* short of the criteria.

I have a lot of autistic traits. Eg, I hate sound, my eye contact isn't the worst but I can struggle, my main struggle is with in more or less any social situation, so I don't doubt I have autism. But it just doesn't feel like it sometimes in this community and the way the NHS and other orgs treat me. 

I wish there were just easy ways of meeting other ytoung people, autistic or not, in an environment which isn't really forced and doesn't require a lot of money, a commitment to something like study or a job etc

I have considered writing a book and did start...more an autobiography of my life.

I originalyl entitled it "survivor" and looked more at my mental health difficultiues than anything else.

I'm tempted to just delete it all because a few months after i last wrote in it I was in the ER for self harm and a mental health crisis...I might make it more about autism.

Probably drop the "survivor" name...maybe "odd one out", or "wires crossed", "fish out of water", i'm not sure. But I'm not sure if a publisher would actually be interested as its not as if im famous etc

I am sorry you feel so stuck in nowhere. I'm unclear whether you have an autism diagnosis in addition to your ADHD. Clearly, you are neurodivergent. But that means so many different things. No two neurodivergent people are the same and one size does not necessarily fit all.

Why are they pushing the autistic approach, if ADHD is more the issue? I am not so sure there is low/high functioning autism, we all have that one area at least where we don't cope and others where we do well, but it's clear that group isn't quite suitable for you, though. It might be worth at your next session enquiring whether there is something better suited to your need available.

Meanwhile, of course there are some really successful ADHD/ADD people out there in the world. It's helping me tremendously now to be reading bios of other autistic people. Maybe you need to YouTube and search amazon for the writings of other folk with ADHD. How did they do life, what are their experiences? I'm glad you like to write. Could you be the one to write that go to lived experience book or blog that might help others?

Keep searching. Your tribe is there. They are just hidden in the bushes just now.

They are very different, for instance - people always tried to tell me as an autistic person i would love routine. As it happens I hate routines, i never plan anything and just make things up as i go along. I was always told to plan my essays in school etc but I never planned - i just wrote, and would still get top marks. I wrote a novel with no real plan, just developed it as i wrote and it's pretty good.

I have a theory that ADHD is very different than Autism. From what I've read, we share the hyper-active Gamma waves in our brains, but all the ADHD individuals I know, love the chaos while Autistic individuals need their external environment and to fine-tune their hyper focus to balance it.

Other than that, I have noticed that ADHD people are amazing at communicating well and understanding both NeuroTypes - a bit like a bridge between worlds. But everyone I know and have met are incredibly smart! 

Hello 

I am sorry you feel this way, it must be quite isolating to feel no connection within your own community.

Our autistic community is so diverse, there is no one way to be autistic.  You say you are  also an ADHDer so maybe you will be able to be relate better to autistic ADHDer’s. The combined experience is very different to just being autistic. There are many autistic members on this forum who are also ADHDer’s who you may want to chat to.

You may relate to this video from Aucademy, autistic people share their experiences of life being both autistic and ADHD.

https://youtu.be/V_tF88-YUDk

You say that you don’t have dedicated or ‘special interests’ and your interests align with NT’s. However, it is not the topic that makes dedicated interests a part of autistic experience, but the passion that you have for them and how meaningful they are for you. For example, you may become hyper focused on working out and spend a lot of your time thinking about it because it makes you feel really happy and it is part of your identity.

I appreciate that you may experience and engage with interests differently because you are also ADHD.

I hope this reply helps you feel less alone and that you recognise your autistic and ADHD experience is valid. There are also other autistic people who find it difficult to relate to other autistics. We are all unique human beings, so you just need to find your own tribe where you feel like you belong.

I hope you feel like you belong or are listened to in this autistic community. We are here for you.

I hope you find your own tribe that is right for you soon.

I do find it curious how much the 'special interests' angle gets pushed as something almost prescriptive rather than something that often, but not always, applies. Case in point: Aucademy's generally very helpful videos, which are otherwise at great pains to emphasise diversity within the autistic populace, always start with this question put to each guest of 'What's your [apparently mandatory!] special interest?' Almost with an implied '...and you'd better have one or why else are you here?' at the end. Once or twice, people have been blindsided by the question and almost apologised for not having one. Or said, 'oh well, researching autism I suppose'. That must make some people watching feel even more alone, which is a shame. 

Dungeons and dragons that sort of thing. Never had any interest in that.

A look on FB or twitter for what?

TBH my depression would 100% be solved i think if i had a few friends and a girlfriend or at least the prospect of those. Right now i don't see how thats going to happen as ive struggled in full time work (only one job tbh), so been in and out of the gig economy. Mate I just want to go out get wasted and laid like half the adult male population my age and maybe make one or two semi meaningful relationships along the way. Instead I'm looking at dating apps which is purely for hook ups or with girls who want the absolutely perfect partner, and aimlessly finding people on snapchat trying to make friends there

I don't know what RPG is. I need time alone but I actually really enjoy being around people as long as it's on my terms. Im not on social medis but  have you had a look on FB or twitter? Yes! A lot of the stuff I was sign posted to was in the middle of the working day. I've since been able to access some of it but found its not really for me. I would love to start my own group but don't know how.

I'm in south Essex.

Even amongst high functioning though, I struggle to relate, the high functioning autistic people I have met seem to be interested in those RPG games and prefer being alone. I mostly hate being alone other than certain times of the day.

Like I said, the meetup groups that I have been signposted to seem to be aimed at more severe autism. It's very frustrating. The NHS reffered me to their "aspergers service" and all I got was a course of online "coping skills" sessions...held in the middle of the afternoon in the working day.

I can relate to a lot of what you say and don't feel typically autistic on the surface but it's obvious underneath. What I have been after is a peer group of similar people to me "high functioning". Groups near me are aimed at children, parents or people with greater needs. Or people who want friends. I too feel in between both camps but I kind of feel ok with identifying that way...it's more just wanting similar people to talk through stuff with. I too was sign posted by the mental health team to various organisations which I don't feel are suitable. Which area of the country are you? I've read similar threads recently.