I can't relate to most autistic people

Hi

I know  what you mean. I have adhd and also dyslexia and it seems like’help’ comes in forms that are either aimed at shoehorning me into the rigid structures that exist for NTs or steering me to totally unsuitable groups which are good and worthy for those people but are not for me at all. 
Its cool that you write, because doing creative stuff really helps to try and make a ‘space’’ from which you can observe/make sense of the world and your self. At least I hope it does for you.

Best wishes.

Thanks for responding with such care to the issues I had raised.  You seem to have disappeared from this place?  Pity to loose a fellow pea from this pod.  You still out there?

Some one who only hits on condition A, which is, "Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple con­texts" but not B is more likely to be diagnosed with Social (Pragmatic) Communication Disorder. The principal criteria of which is "Persistent difficulties in the social use of verbal and nonverbal communication"

That's because it is pretty close to one of the 2 must have criteria for a diagnoses. DSM-5 ASD criteria B "Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities": the 4 sub signs being:

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypies, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).
2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).
3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circum­ scribed or perseverative interests).
4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g., apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse re­ sponse to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

With out one of these you can't get an ASD diagnosis. I'm guessing 3 and 4 are the most common amongst high functioning autistic people. Diagnosis purely on the basis of 4 is rare I think. In part because it's a more recent addition.

Thing is a special interest could be anything. It could be politics or pole dancing. Science or skydiving. Not all autistic people are going to have a special interest in stereotypical geeky activities. But I think most high functioning autistic people will have "Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus."

What's important is that you find life interesting. I don't think autistic Individuals find it more or less so than non-autistics, we just don't speak with their codes and can't always shut our brain down when it's excitedly making incredible connexions. And THEN we tend to feel intensely about these new findings. Sensory impact.

The problem with life is one needs to make money and survive - hopefully thrive. Part of thriving is having passions. Some may be like a lovely meal - something to ingest and move on from. Others may become part of our daily routine. :)

Very helpful yes, I can certainly relate to explaining in "too much" detail. Such as when my teacher wanted me to give an example of extra reading I had done which would strengthen my application to study Natural Sciences at university. I started explaining how I was watching a Volcanology lecture and I went into depth about a mathematical model that was being used to predict the decrease in the temperature of water at certain distances from hydrothermal vents on the ocean floor, taking into account all sorts of different variables. The teacher had to stop me from explaining it all because I was supposed to just give an example of something I had read about rather than actually explaining it in detail and why I found it interesting! Unfortunately I have since lost the lecture I was watching (it was part of a greater series on volcanology) which is frustrating because it was really well done, even if some of the actual calculus involved was a bit over my head with lots of Greek symbols I haven't learnt yet. Its also a bit frustrating when I try to work out which interests are temporary versus longer term, I haven't found a reliable way to distinguish between them. Some of my interests such as in professional cycling have been around for years and years, and have branched off into more specialised interests, but others have hardly lasted a few months.  

Authorities failures around autism petition set up 6 days ago - [removed by mod]

I feel the same. I have reflected on this, and I think we will in time. The more people who get diagnosed the wider the spectrum spreads. I personally think many many people have traits that may land them on the spectrum but don't stand a chance in getting a diagnosis until 'we' (society) learns more about autism

For the last few weeks, I have been accessing free counselling services through IAPT following a referral from my GP (in Greater Manchester) as a treatment for depression. I have done counselling several times before with not so much in terms of lasting effects. Through these sessions, though, we have approached my mental health from the perspective of ASD and associated social anxiety. So far this seems to be far more effective as we gradually get to understand what my main difficulties are and work out appropriate ways of tackling them. For the first time, I feel like I am actually addressing and alleviating my struggles in social situations, whereas before I was a bit hopeless in thinking that I have this issue that means that I will never be good in social scenarios. I'm by no means out of the woods yet but for me this has had a very positive impact on how I think about my ASD. Similarly, I feel I don't relate with some of the stereotypes of people with ASD- I'm not into Dungeons and Dragons or Marvel, I'm a keen electric guitarist and actor, and I do appreciate time spent with other people. It should be said that I do conform in some other ways such as the fact that I have followed a pretty academic route, but I have always felt like I was somewhere in between the stereotypes of "neurotypical" and "neurodivergent". As has been said before, there is no one-size-fits-all description of what autism is. The most positive way I try to think about it is my brain is wired up ever so slightly differently to most people but I'm better for it. I don't conform to thinking or behaving the same as everyone else and that means that I am truly an individual following my own path. Anyway enouh of the ramble. Most of this might not apply to your situation but I just wanted to share my personal experiences and how I'm dealing with things in case it happens to be useful. Best of luck in working stuff out. 

That is very encouraging to hear.  Thank you.

Partially. I needed to read a few books and absorb other people's wisdom to even get to 59, relatively unscathed. Post diagnosis,the increased understanding of my situation has made me much better adjusted and content with myself and my achievements. The best thing being that I no longer break my promises so much, due to "unexpected circumstance".or "personal unreliability"

I Sperg said:

don't keep getting blindsided by weaknesses  that I have previously been unable to admit to possessing. 

But have you found the means to sidestep them?

I'm at the part of my journey where I'm no longer blindsided by the weaknesses - but still haven't worked out appropriate means to sidestep or absorb them any better than when I was blind to them.  I now see them clearly now but still walk straight into them - nose first.  FRUSTRATING......but hopefully I will find the changes and reconditioning required to either avoid (I'm all too good at that generally) or successfully mitigate the inevitable ill-effects.

Did you get there?

Yep. I've read a LOT of Autists output now, and it qualifies for me based on content alone. It's not a criticism or praise, simply an observation.

As for "meltdowns" I could say the same, except I am known for having something of a temper, and privately have admitted to my self that sometime life gets overwhelming and I NEED to retreat for a while from some situations and get my head together.

For the first 59 years before my diagnosis, I got very skilled at rationalising my emotions away and trying my damndest to just keep going, and ignore the internal cacophony at times. Now I know a lot more about who I am and why I am (and vastly more important to me), I don't keep getting blindsided by weaknesses  that I have previously been unable to admit to possessing. 

Autistic post?

I don't deny I have autism. I know I do it just feels much milder in a lot of ways than other people. I think a lot of it is cancelled out by the ADHD.I certainly have never had "meltdowns" or anything like that

Please do write. I am composing something now. Each one of us who does add to collective voice, speaks up for others like us and shakes up the professionals, especially mental health, who don't know what to do with us. Please write!

We tend to be observers (in my observation). We can pick up sensory surroundings with much less filtering (if any) than our non-autistic peers. This means, we might not quite miss social cues which might hide intention, because we might be able to perceive the conflict of someone saying one thing and doing another and not understand the point of the "theatrics" of it all.

It can feel like all of life is a laboratory. And if you're deposited into a lab, with everything you need yet no exact precision and training with how to go about it, you might find yourself confused.

Everything in nature works like clockwork: The gravitational pull of the sun, the Orbit of Earth, the system creating air pressure (even if it isn't constant), the song of birds, the reproduction of species, the seasons and so on. Everything is obedient to what we've termed "the Laws of Nature" and so it is we know how to build aeroplanes.

Now, humans on the other hand with their capacity to understand and reason, don't always pay attention to  the Laws of Nature. And so it is we can be unpredictable and unreliable. These are the "Systems" in motion. I would simply suggest Autistics are better in-tune with our surroundings and function better when structure is predictable. Being more observant, we might have to spend time in a book (for instance) to learn ways to incorporate certain daily tasks or measures of reliability into our lives if we have not been given this by our parents. 

But yes, without learned practical ways of being, too much chaos is not productive. However, any skill or discipline or trade or honed talent is far more effective within boundaries/rules which then promote creative use. Does this help? I'm sometimes too much with explanations :) 

Exactly, Given a nice well set up workshop I can do great things, but as it stands I have ALL the components for an epic electronics workshop, but 2 years later it's a half built mess...

So is what you are saying that people on the spectrum don't necessarily create their own routines but rely on ones set up by those around them? I've always felt so much more productive in a school environment, and I also typically hate unexpected change (like my parents telling me I might need to start getting the train again all of a sudden to travel which has given me a lot of anxiety) Sorry if I misinterpreted what you were saying. But I'm certainly not ordered at home and I feel terribly unproductive, my room has been an absolute mess with my study notes everywhere for the last 2 years!!

Haha. NeuroTypicals get this bit wrong! When we understand a system around us, we can navigate better. We thrive in order, it isn't us creating the order, exactly. It's the NT who need to be reliable. Parents cannot be crazy-making or they will cause unnecessary problems for their Autistic kids. Society needs a certain amount of structures. One cannot make sense of nonsense. 

Interesting comment. Both my son and me are autistic so I understand a lot of his problems. However the ADHD means he is very disoganised and that is the thing I find hard to cope with at times.