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I can't relate to most autistic people

NAS81714

I find it so hard. I don't feel like I'm a part of either the neurotypical or neurodivergent commmunity. Ive been diagnosed with adhd so a lot of typical autistic traits don't apply to me...I'm in an autistic coaching group with other young males but they all seem to be interested in stereotypical autisitc traits like having an interest in dugeons and dragons and stuff like that. I want to meet new people but it seems everything is so forced in meetup groups and is aimed for "geeky" people like that.

I don't really have any "special interests". I like working out, driving, writing. I'm a straight white male, 19, and my interests or more or less the same as NTs my age: i was briefly at university and I enjoyed clubbing etc and going out getting drunk, but it seems most autistic people don't like that? I can be successful with women as well although nto as much as NTs...

Had to go to my local mental health centre the other dya because I think a relapse in my depression started and they gave me links to local autistic groups...all of which seem to focus on people with severe, low functioning autism rather than being mildly high functioning autism, but mild enough to have social difficulties etc. 

It feels hopeless.

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  • Hello 

    I am sorry you feel this way, it must be quite isolating to feel no connection within your own community.

    Our autistic community is so diverse, there is no one way to be autistic.  You say you are  also an ADHDer so maybe you will be able to be relate better to autistic ADHDer’s. The combined experience is very different to just being autistic. There are many autistic members on this forum who are also ADHDer’s who you may want to chat to.

    You may relate to this video from Aucademy, autistic people share their experiences of life being both autistic and ADHD.

    https://youtu.be/V_tF88-YUDk

    You say that you don’t have dedicated or ‘special interests’ and your interests align with NT’s. However, it is not the topic that makes dedicated interests a part of autistic experience, but the passion that you have for them and how meaningful they are for you. For example, you may become hyper focused on working out and spend a lot of your time thinking about it because it makes you feel really happy and it is part of your identity.

    I appreciate that you may experience and engage with interests differently because you are also ADHD.

    I hope this reply helps you feel less alone and that you recognise your autistic and ADHD experience is valid. There are also other autistic people who find it difficult to relate to other autistics. We are all unique human beings, so you just need to find your own tribe where you feel like you belong.

    I hope you feel like you belong or are listened to in this autistic community. We are here for you.

    I hope you find your own tribe that is right for you soon.

Reply

  • Hello 

    I am sorry you feel this way, it must be quite isolating to feel no connection within your own community.

    Our autistic community is so diverse, there is no one way to be autistic.  You say you are  also an ADHDer so maybe you will be able to be relate better to autistic ADHDer’s. The combined experience is very different to just being autistic. There are many autistic members on this forum who are also ADHDer’s who you may want to chat to.

    You may relate to this video from Aucademy, autistic people share their experiences of life being both autistic and ADHD.

    https://youtu.be/V_tF88-YUDk

    You say that you don’t have dedicated or ‘special interests’ and your interests align with NT’s. However, it is not the topic that makes dedicated interests a part of autistic experience, but the passion that you have for them and how meaningful they are for you. For example, you may become hyper focused on working out and spend a lot of your time thinking about it because it makes you feel really happy and it is part of your identity.

    I appreciate that you may experience and engage with interests differently because you are also ADHD.

    I hope this reply helps you feel less alone and that you recognise your autistic and ADHD experience is valid. There are also other autistic people who find it difficult to relate to other autistics. We are all unique human beings, so you just need to find your own tribe where you feel like you belong.

    I hope you feel like you belong or are listened to in this autistic community. We are here for you.

    I hope you find your own tribe that is right for you soon.

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