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I can't relate to most autistic people

NAS81714

I find it so hard. I don't feel like I'm a part of either the neurotypical or neurodivergent commmunity. Ive been diagnosed with adhd so a lot of typical autistic traits don't apply to me...I'm in an autistic coaching group with other young males but they all seem to be interested in stereotypical autisitc traits like having an interest in dugeons and dragons and stuff like that. I want to meet new people but it seems everything is so forced in meetup groups and is aimed for "geeky" people like that.

I don't really have any "special interests". I like working out, driving, writing. I'm a straight white male, 19, and my interests or more or less the same as NTs my age: i was briefly at university and I enjoyed clubbing etc and going out getting drunk, but it seems most autistic people don't like that? I can be successful with women as well although nto as much as NTs...

Had to go to my local mental health centre the other dya because I think a relapse in my depression started and they gave me links to local autistic groups...all of which seem to focus on people with severe, low functioning autism rather than being mildly high functioning autism, but mild enough to have social difficulties etc. 

It feels hopeless.

Parents

  • I am sorry you feel so stuck in nowhere. I'm unclear whether you have an autism diagnosis in addition to your ADHD. Clearly, you are neurodivergent. But that means so many different things. No two neurodivergent people are the same and one size does not necessarily fit all.

    Why are they pushing the autistic approach, if ADHD is more the issue? I am not so sure there is low/high functioning autism, we all have that one area at least where we don't cope and others where we do well, but it's clear that group isn't quite suitable for you, though. It might be worth at your next session enquiring whether there is something better suited to your need available.

    Meanwhile, of course there are some really successful ADHD/ADD people out there in the world. It's helping me tremendously now to be reading bios of other autistic people. Maybe you need to YouTube and search amazon for the writings of other folk with ADHD. How did they do life, what are their experiences? I'm glad you like to write. Could you be the one to write that go to lived experience book or blog that might help others?

    Keep searching. Your tribe is there. They are just hidden in the bushes just now.

Reply

  • I am sorry you feel so stuck in nowhere. I'm unclear whether you have an autism diagnosis in addition to your ADHD. Clearly, you are neurodivergent. But that means so many different things. No two neurodivergent people are the same and one size does not necessarily fit all.

    Why are they pushing the autistic approach, if ADHD is more the issue? I am not so sure there is low/high functioning autism, we all have that one area at least where we don't cope and others where we do well, but it's clear that group isn't quite suitable for you, though. It might be worth at your next session enquiring whether there is something better suited to your need available.

    Meanwhile, of course there are some really successful ADHD/ADD people out there in the world. It's helping me tremendously now to be reading bios of other autistic people. Maybe you need to YouTube and search amazon for the writings of other folk with ADHD. How did they do life, what are their experiences? I'm glad you like to write. Could you be the one to write that go to lived experience book or blog that might help others?

    Keep searching. Your tribe is there. They are just hidden in the bushes just now.

Children
  • in reply to Dawn

    I mean autism is my main issue to me having difficulties making friends in turn causing my depression.

    I only realised ADHD began to really affect me recently, when I began driving, and when i started the workplace. In school I always got by even if i was a terrible mess and very unorganised.

    I have both diagnoses - ASD first, that was like last year, ADHD a week ago. ASD was suspected in my childhood but often I fell *just* short of the criteria.

    I have a lot of autistic traits. Eg, I hate sound, my eye contact isn't the worst but I can struggle, my main struggle is with in more or less any social situation, so I don't doubt I have autism. But it just doesn't feel like it sometimes in this community and the way the NHS and other orgs treat me. 

    I wish there were just easy ways of meeting other ytoung people, autistic or not, in an environment which isn't really forced and doesn't require a lot of money, a commitment to something like study or a job etc

    I have considered writing a book and did start...more an autobiography of my life.

    I originalyl entitled it "survivor" and looked more at my mental health difficultiues than anything else.

    I'm tempted to just delete it all because a few months after i last wrote in it I was in the ER for self harm and a mental health crisis...I might make it more about autism.

    Probably drop the "survivor" name...maybe "odd one out", or "wires crossed", "fish out of water", i'm not sure. But I'm not sure if a publisher would actually be interested as its not as if im famous etc