Disposable people...

I definitely understand this. I have noticed I inadvertently get into conflicts with people who will suddenly act as if I have done something wrong or offended them, but won’t tell me why. If they do they make it into a really big deal. For instance I will suddenly be sent a massive wall of text explaining what I have done wrong. I don’t know if you have experienced this.

Hello

I too live in a council flat, unable to work and don’t drive -

yeah, it feels so awkward :/ I went to dentist once, and my dad waited in the waiting room- the dentist started with:

’so, off to work today and that, yeah?’ in a rushed, automatic way.

I found myself going ‘yeah…’ because I often get by, by replying in ways that aren’t a true reflection of what I’d like to say - 

I came out of there, replaying what she said, and felt inadequate, less value.

I think that those who work in sectors that interact with people, whether it’s retail, health, etc - they must realise that communities are made up of different abilities, conditions, difficulties- yet that dentist had this stereotypical approach, without even considering I may be unable to work, for whatever reason. If you’re going to work with people and serve people, then at least keep an open mind. It’s the small comments like that dentist’s that can have the greatest impact..

its nice to feel im not alone. 

Even through I am legendarily frugal, I'll give you your money back if it doesn't help you a bit in some way towards getting where you want to be... 

It doesn't mean anything small talk. But they like to do it, along with lost of other fancies that make no sense - just for the sake of it. No one is interested in what you think really, but you don't play the game your weird or strange. It's so strange that no one sees this as madness!

It's that confusing for me. I don't understand why I have to lie to people and tell them I like the food they cooked for me even if I don't. I mean I get that I have to say that to avoid hurting their feelings, but why would they ask the question and then expect a specific answer?

I don't understand why people do small talk, just ask me what I'm interested in or tell me what you're interested in and if we have something in common then we can go straight to a meaningful conversation that either of us may learn something from. Why waste precious time on small talk about the weather, or whatever else.

Well I haven't given up completely, I've ordered 'Games people play' on your recommendation from ebay, plus a few other self help books, going to see if I can make some changes that way.

If I can get a decent photo of my cat sometime I'll try and figure out how to embed.

Edit: 5 mins after I typed this my copy of 'Games people play' shows up at the door. So now I'm paranoid that either ebay or the delivery guy somehow knew I would be typing this reply at this time on this day.

Cats! Bless them!

The move at the same pace as me and I actually feel passionate about them. Over the years I've develop the arts of mingling with people, but it takes so much that I've stuck to doing it for work purposes. I cant' and wont do it outside of that, No one seems to know it's also part of my work, and seem surprised by my reluctance to take the show beyond work. While leads to rumors etc., which I'm never around to listen to any more.  I still have a need to know if it's just me, or is it really that confusing? 

 "someone who likes being on their own most of the time, but also needs some TLC on a regular basis" is not as rare as you would think... 

And this forum REALLY needs a cat photo thread. I'd have started one long ago but after two attempts I still can't figure out how to embed my pictures...

I'm can empathize with you, this is pretty much where I'm at. I'd still like to find someone special but the amount of work it would take in terms of both personal development and searching for that someone special is immense. I think I'm in love with the idea of being with someone more than the reality to be honest. A couple of days ago I wrote down the list of traits I'd like in an idea partner and the conclusion I came to is that my ideal partner would be the human equivalent of a cat: someone who likes being on their own most of the time but also needs some TLC on a regular basis. It's simpler if I just stick with mycat and books. Maybe when I can afford it I'll get another cat.

Same goes for friends, when I'm socializing all I can do is look at the floor, and when someone does try to start a conversation with me all I can manage is one word/short answers. So other people end up with the Idea that I'm dull, boring and uninterested in getting to know them.

Thank goodness for cats indeed!

I'll be honest people I was so angry and confused about how people kept treating me that I went "full psychological on their (and my own) a*ses in my early teens onwards. BY the time I was 24 I had a little black book with over 100 "friends" in it.

Everybody liked me, (whilst still stealing odd items, gossiping or working against me (and each other, like they do) until I got sick of the falseness, and in my thirties there was  a cull.

Apart from my partner and daughter I regularly speak to about 4 people now.

I found it fairly trivial to become "likeable" (just treat people the way the bible tells you too, and follow the psychological basics set out by Eric Berne in the book "games people play") the big problem for me is tolerating others...  In my twenties I had it down to a fine art where I rotated myself between groups of different friends, either as soon as I felt they were getting "bored of me" or as soon as it was me starting to get bored. 

But the normies seem to have even more problems sustaining friends and relationships to be honest, but they are less keenly aware of it, or find the process fairly painless I compared to us.

The greratest journey ever, into unknown territories

Treasuring the people you sounds great, but I don't have any! I got sick of being the useful idiot and all I have is cats now.  I no longer trust people or groups as I've seen how it plays out.  I'm 51, and I just worked that the saddest thing for me is realising how much work I put in to making friendships work, how no one appreciated it, and how little it means once it's over. The rejection hurts, but it's the reminder that I was working so hard at something that is supposed to be easy.  Does everyone really understand and find it easy? I'm too tired to put in the work to find out it's the wrong work again. The shame and fear that I'm not like other people, and that my efforts were wasted makes me sad, like my time on earth is totally wasted. Once again I'm in denial and considering that I might not be autistic because I'm conditioned to thinking that I'll once again be struggling to fit here too. The high of thinking I'd work things out has well and truly worn off and I'm confused muddled and sad as I was before, even though. Thank goodness I have cats.

One thing I have found about NT's is that they seem to define their own and each other's worth by their job and possessions. Whenever you meet someone the first thing they ask you is what job you do and they seem to define your value as a human being by the answer. If, like I have often had to, you say you are unemployed, they seem to think there is something wrong with you. 

People put such value on possessions as well, what car you drive and what sort of house you have. I can't drive and I live in a council flat and I honestly don;t get why these things are important. Clothes is another one, why does it matter what label is on your clothes? Having Nike written on it doesnt make you a better person.

I think this is why East German communist society has always faciniated me, the idea of a whole country where none of these things matter and everyone has the same car and house and no one cares what clothes you wear. It makes a lot of sense to me 

At a stage in life, where I’ve run out of masks lol. 
Now, I believe more in preserving energy for tasks that leave me fulfilled and proud, not as you say, exhausted, and more misunderstood by others.

NTs are definitely odd-

..maybe the announcements of cars, houses,  partners, kids, work are the ways that NTs assure themselves-

But these worlds seem to show that there is a familiar series of events for NTs

- maybe the autistic world  is better- where there is no prescription of partner-family-house-car-work-

Let's be honest NT's are odd. They talk endlessly about themselves, what they've got, how much they earn, their positions at work, cars, houses, kids achievements..... and we'll we don't. So if you're not part of the conversation and can't be challenged and competed with, then they don't know where you fit into the group so will drop you like a bad penny.

You either put your best mask on, and join in the conversation. (Exhausting) Or don't and accept you're not going to have many "friends"

I can really relate to that. No matter how valuable people are to me, they seem to be able to discard me without a second thought. Makes it very hard for me to trust people or even enjoy friendships cos im never sure when im going to get dumped by them. Sometimes It feels like the whole thing was an illusion all along. 

I have leared not to need many people in my life. A few that are close to me and that is that, I quite like having my own space 

C: They find it really annoying if they get no reaction to something that's clearly unpleasant

I've tried that.

A. It's as useful as "fighting fire with fire"

B. Do you want to be like them?

Hello Thank you for your feedback too.

Your band of musketeers sounds lovely A day out  in a city is chaotic enough - that escape sounds brilliant- castles and other forms of archaic architecture are almost magical.

I find that the distant past can be a way to feel unified  with others, knowing that at least you are bonded by a sameness of time/era. 

Enjoy your escapism - sounds brilliant

I hope to form friendships one day lol.

Thank you for your insight :)