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Disposable people...

I Sperg

Autism brings with it a certain amount of friction between us and the normies, O.K.

BUT I've been discarded by SO very many people as if I were a used tissue.

I've had a little cluster of it this month, so it's of particular interest to me this week.

I've been working the problem for a full half century now, and I still can't quite decide why I seem to be so "discardable".

I've tried being nice, useful, controlling, submissive, and simply being myself, during various decades, but every time just when I think I've managed to get a few people around me who I can trust, it seems I discover I was either being "used", or "tolerated" by someone and my time is up....

I've learned to live with it, and just treasure the people around me who are not currently rejecting me.

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  • Hello Slight smile

    Yeah, it’s tough going.

    I always found that people only stayed in my life, because I made the effort to keep them there. In recent years, diagnosis and reclusiveness has shown me that I am alone, in terms of friendships.

    I don’t think I am interesting enough for people to become friends with me. I ask myself: Am I memorable to others? But obviously, people have received me, chipped at me a little by extending a social hand, and then have become repelled by my deficiencies, and haven’t bothered to stay in touch…

    I constantly feel like the rest of the world has been long established in social groups- so, I will never really have friends at my age (29 going on 30).

    I can peer in at people, but I can’t join in.

  • in reply to RebeccaM.

    I met my first friend when I was 29, I did not realise back then it will become friendship. We are still friends. I met 2nd friend 7 years ago or so, it started as a close acquiantance of me and my ex, it turned into friendship after my ex left me 3 years ago. Last year I met a guy who wants to be my friend, it's work in progress. My three musketeers: Counselor, Philosopher and a Poet Smiley

    All four of us are going for a foot trip to Bramber Catle, to escape from the city for a moment.  it's 10 miles one way only.

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Hello Slight smile Thank you for your feedback too.

    Your band of musketeers sounds lovely Slight smile A day out  in a city is chaotic enough - that escape sounds brilliant- castles and other forms of archaic architecture are almost magical.

    I find that the distant past can be a way to feel unified  with others, knowing that at least you are bonded by a sameness of time/era. 

    Enjoy your escapism - sounds brilliant Slight smile

    I hope to form friendships one day lol.

    Thank you for your insight :)

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  • in reply to Mariusz

    Hello Slight smile Thank you for your feedback too.

    Your band of musketeers sounds lovely Slight smile A day out  in a city is chaotic enough - that escape sounds brilliant- castles and other forms of archaic architecture are almost magical.

    I find that the distant past can be a way to feel unified  with others, knowing that at least you are bonded by a sameness of time/era. 

    Enjoy your escapism - sounds brilliant Slight smile

    I hope to form friendships one day lol.

    Thank you for your insight :)

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