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Disposable people...

I Sperg

Autism brings with it a certain amount of friction between us and the normies, O.K.

BUT I've been discarded by SO very many people as if I were a used tissue.

I've had a little cluster of it this month, so it's of particular interest to me this week.

I've been working the problem for a full half century now, and I still can't quite decide why I seem to be so "discardable".

I've tried being nice, useful, controlling, submissive, and simply being myself, during various decades, but every time just when I think I've managed to get a few people around me who I can trust, it seems I discover I was either being "used", or "tolerated" by someone and my time is up....

I've learned to live with it, and just treasure the people around me who are not currently rejecting me.

Parents

  • Treasuring the people you sounds great, but I don't have any! I got sick of being the useful idiot and all I have is cats now.  I no longer trust people or groups as I've seen how it plays out.  I'm 51, and I just worked that the saddest thing for me is realising how much work I put in to making friendships work, how no one appreciated it, and how little it means once it's over. The rejection hurts, but it's the reminder that I was working so hard at something that is supposed to be easy.  Does everyone really understand and find it easy? I'm too tired to put in the work to find out it's the wrong work again. The shame and fear that I'm not like other people, and that my efforts were wasted makes me sad, like my time on earth is totally wasted. Once again I'm in denial and considering that I might not be autistic because I'm conditioned to thinking that I'll once again be struggling to fit here too. The high of thinking I'd work things out has well and truly worn off and I'm confused muddled and sad as I was before, even though. Thank goodness I have cats.

  • in reply to Allfunktup

    I'm can empathize with you, this is pretty much where I'm at. I'd still like to find someone special but the amount of work it would take in terms of both personal development and searching for that someone special is immense. I think I'm in love with the idea of being with someone more than the reality to be honest. A couple of days ago I wrote down the list of traits I'd like in an idea partner and the conclusion I came to is that my ideal partner would be the human equivalent of a cat: someone who likes being on their own most of the time but also needs some TLC on a regular basis. It's simpler if I just stick with mycat and books. Maybe when I can afford it I'll get another cat.

    Same goes for friends, when I'm socializing all I can do is look at the floor, and when someone does try to start a conversation with me all I can manage is one word/short answers. So other people end up with the Idea that I'm dull, boring and uninterested in getting to know them.

    Thank goodness for cats indeed!

  • in reply to Cat Waiter

     "someone who likes being on their own most of the time, but also needs some TLC on a regular basis" is not as rare as you would think... 

    And this forum REALLY needs a cat photo thread. I'd have started one long ago but after two attempts I still can't figure out how to embed my pictures...

  • in reply to Cat Waiter

    Even through I am legendarily frugal, I'll give you your money back if it doesn't help you a bit in some way towards getting where you want to be... 

  • in reply to I Sperg

    Well I haven't given up completely, I've ordered 'Games people play' on your recommendation from ebay, plus a few other self help books, going to see if I can make some changes that way.

    If I can get a decent photo of my cat sometime I'll try and figure out how to embed.

    Edit: 5 mins after I typed this my copy of 'Games people play' shows up at the door. So now I'm paranoid that either ebay or the delivery guy somehow knew I would be typing this reply at this time on this day.

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  • in reply to I Sperg

    Well I haven't given up completely, I've ordered 'Games people play' on your recommendation from ebay, plus a few other self help books, going to see if I can make some changes that way.

    If I can get a decent photo of my cat sometime I'll try and figure out how to embed.

    Edit: 5 mins after I typed this my copy of 'Games people play' shows up at the door. So now I'm paranoid that either ebay or the delivery guy somehow knew I would be typing this reply at this time on this day.

Children