Disposable people...

Treasuring the people you sounds great, but I don't have any! I got sick of being the useful idiot and all I have is cats now.  I no longer trust people or groups as I've seen how it plays out.  I'm 51, and I just worked that the saddest thing for me is realising how much work I put in to making friendships work, how no one appreciated it, and how little it means once it's over. The rejection hurts, but it's the reminder that I was working so hard at something that is supposed to be easy.  Does everyone really understand and find it easy? I'm too tired to put in the work to find out it's the wrong work again. The shame and fear that I'm not like other people, and that my efforts were wasted makes me sad, like my time on earth is totally wasted. Once again I'm in denial and considering that I might not be autistic because I'm conditioned to thinking that I'll once again be struggling to fit here too. The high of thinking I'd work things out has well and truly worn off and I'm confused muddled and sad as I was before, even though. Thank goodness I have cats.

I'm can empathize with you, this is pretty much where I'm at. I'd still like to find someone special but the amount of work it would take in terms of both personal development and searching for that someone special is immense. I think I'm in love with the idea of being with someone more than the reality to be honest. A couple of days ago I wrote down the list of traits I'd like in an idea partner and the conclusion I came to is that my ideal partner would be the human equivalent of a cat: someone who likes being on their own most of the time but also needs some TLC on a regular basis. It's simpler if I just stick with mycat and books. Maybe when I can afford it I'll get another cat.

Same goes for friends, when I'm socializing all I can do is look at the floor, and when someone does try to start a conversation with me all I can manage is one word/short answers. So other people end up with the Idea that I'm dull, boring and uninterested in getting to know them.

Thank goodness for cats indeed!

Cats! Bless them!

The move at the same pace as me and I actually feel passionate about them. Over the years I've develop the arts of mingling with people, but it takes so much that I've stuck to doing it for work purposes. I cant' and wont do it outside of that, No one seems to know it's also part of my work, and seem surprised by my reluctance to take the show beyond work. While leads to rumors etc., which I'm never around to listen to any more.  I still have a need to know if it's just me, or is it really that confusing? 

It doesn't mean anything small talk. But they like to do it, along with lost of other fancies that make no sense - just for the sake of it. No one is interested in what you think really, but you don't play the game your weird or strange. It's so strange that no one sees this as madness!

It's that confusing for me. I don't understand why I have to lie to people and tell them I like the food they cooked for me even if I don't. I mean I get that I have to say that to avoid hurting their feelings, but why would they ask the question and then expect a specific answer?

I don't understand why people do small talk, just ask me what I'm interested in or tell me what you're interested in and if we have something in common then we can go straight to a meaningful conversation that either of us may learn something from. Why waste precious time on small talk about the weather, or whatever else.

It's that confusing for me. I don't understand why I have to lie to people and tell them I like the food they cooked for me even if I don't. I mean I get that I have to say that to avoid hurting their feelings, but why would they ask the question and then expect a specific answer?

I don't understand why people do small talk, just ask me what I'm interested in or tell me what you're interested in and if we have something in common then we can go straight to a meaningful conversation that either of us may learn something from. Why waste precious time on small talk about the weather, or whatever else.

It doesn't mean anything small talk. But they like to do it, along with lost of other fancies that make no sense - just for the sake of it. No one is interested in what you think really, but you don't play the game your weird or strange. It's so strange that no one sees this as madness!