Advice on mentioning diagnosis at work

Thanks! Sounds like your  husband has great support and understanding from you, and that’s more helpful to him than anything. But yeah, a shame that the stigma worry persists. Not judging- just acknowledging the dilemma! If Im open about it I’ll feel like I’ll be doing my teeny tiny bit for societal progress. 

My hubby has stayed very happily in the same job his whole career. Some 35 years with the same company.

Before he was diagnosed I was very irritable about his lack of ambition. Now I feel terrible I ever thought he should be pushing himself as he is ideally suited to being a technical expert and would have been terrible in management roles. It’s a shame it is such a cultural norm to push oneself into an unsuitable role. NT pressure has a lot to answer for.

My hubby and his Mum were very against telling anyone at work so he remains silent about his Autism. Personally I think it’s a shame that there is so little understanding of ASD that it makes “coming out” such a big decision.

Good luck on your journey 

That sounds very sensible and I’ll take your advice. Thanks! 

There's a lot to be said for contentment. I think all too often people are wanting the next biggest and best thing instead of appreciating what they have now.

I'd send it in by snail mail to Occ Health, if you are going down the route of drafting a letter.  Send it recorded and file the receipt and a copy of the letter somewhere safe.  If you ever need to use it for something (tribunal, etc) then you can access the letter and receipt for proof.  You could also send an email to your manager as well and cc it to your own personal email address (to create an electronic trail), but I would definitely send a formal letter too. 

If you are going to do it, then do it properly.  In all likelihood you will never need to use it as proof, but if you do, it's nice if you can throw up a bunch of evidence to whomever needs it, showing you did inform them.

My priories would be similar to yours, definitely a work to live person not the other way round. And someone with a good sense of where the way I’m wired is best pointed. In my workplace (a department within a much larger institution) one has to jump three grades to get into the rare occasional higher posts that come up anyway. For me, that’s a chasm and I think the young lions who are hungry and correctly wired for attempting the jump should be the natural candidates for attempting it. My greasy pole days are behind me I’d say, and that feels like what I need to stay well. 

Thanks Pathfinder. I suppose I do want to because I want to start identifying (without overdoing it or boring on too often) as an autistic person, even if that means mentioning it once, saying that I don’t require a reply or anything, and leaving it at that. I don’t have problems as such, but I have this paranoia that my staying in my perfect job instead of seeking greater challenges (all of which would involve a transition from the granular nature of my work to something with a high-level overview, need to formulate plans, delegate and do on. In other words, *too*!  Challenging!) is looked down on by many - I’m largely imagining it I think. In any case  I’m simply not wired that way, and when I witness the alchemy these people perform at meetings and such it might as well be a magic trick so nonplussed am I as to how they’re doing it so intuitely and in the moment).

even before my diagnosis, I’ve always known I had a range of information and emotion processing difficulties that can be best summed up like this: I put three times as much time, thought and effort effort into getting something wrong as most people put into getting it right. I also lose track of what’s being said when new information or updates are being rattled off in meetings and things (the thankfully few I need to attend) and seem to just have cognitive paralysis in those situations. 

Therefore I know I’m not ‘holding myself back’ by staying in the post I’m in, but rather hugely valuing the miracle of having found my level, a perfect niche  fit that works well for me and never gets boring for me even though I can understand why NT people might want to do something else after a while. I also like being expert in my field, and topping that up in manageable ways as certain factors and practices evolve. I don’t need the shock of brand new horizons and a completely new learning curve from scratch, that has little appeal at this point in my life. I hope that sounds ok and not pathetic. I hope it’s ok to even be a little bit proud of myself? That I’m in a good 9-5 specialist job, modestly but fairly paid, in a great and quite prestigious environment, and that I have some good solid career and educational experience going all the way back over 25 years of continuous  employment. I read recently that 80% of Level One autistic people are  employed but that only 20% are in  full time permanent work. So it’s ok to think I’m doing alright I think? Sorry, I really struggle with this need for external validation. Need to get better at just having inner certainty about this stuff! I kind of do actually but aI also seem to have a deep need for approval to feel positive about it. 

anyway, I’m rambling now. I think I will just try ghe drafting an email approach. Have it ready, mention to my line manager that I’m going to send it and am just clueing him in, and then send. The worst thing that can happen I suppose is that two or three people will consider it overkill but will be nice about if anyway. I’m just inclined to want to be an open book, and to set out my stall for the future as ‘here’s what I am and continuity (albeit with inevitably changing working practices over time) is what I need, and that’s what I’ll be doing and thanks for reading this FYI. I’ll find a way to make it a bit lighter than that of course! And with an acknowledged self awareness that nothing fundamentally changes, except in small ways perhaps - mostly a setting aside of the massive internal pressure I’ve been feeling, despite myself, to judge myself by NT standards and normsbecause I assume that my colleagues are appraising my level of achievement through that prism too. I’d like to change the filter, so to speak. 
as long as it doesn’t sound a disastrous plan (just one that some would do, others would not), then I’ll do the email thing soon… I think. 

It seems like you have got a plan together. I work in education so I didn't really feel I would be judged by anyone and my managers have been extremely supportive. A few years ago I was offered a more senior position but decided not to go for it. This was before my assessment but I kind of knew I could be autistic. I thought this role would give me more stress for various reasons. Maybe ten years ago I wouldve gone for it. But now I know what I'm working with i didnt t want to add to.make things more difficult. Although,  I don't ever limit myself because of autism but now I know I don't have to push myself as hard as I was doing.  I yhink even pushing myself in my current role is enough. It depends what your priorities are. For me it's to enjoy my job and the people I work with and to get enough money to do what I enjoy outside of work. Over the past year I have taken a lateral step at work as opposed to upwards. This has been good for me to learn something new and I see this as progression even if no one else does. It's no one else's business anyway. With regards to your colleague who is on the spectrum and high up...it's their life. Everyone's idea of ambition is different and everyone's priorities are different. Dont measure yourself against others which im sure you dont do anyway. I know myself and I know anything above where I am now would be uncomfortable because it'd invlove overseeing others. I don't know if it's much to do with autism or just me general make up.

It's a double edged sword. Now you know your limitations but at the same time don't hold yourself back. I think it's being aware of your parameters. Sorry I've gone a bit off piste. 

Let Occupational Health know if you have one in your company and also your manager.  I wouldn't tell anyone else unless you want to.  It is there to ensure you get treated correctly.  If you don't have any problems where you work I probably wouldn't mention it to anyone, or maybe just your manager.

Many thanks to you both for such helpful insights from your own experiences. I think it’s useful that you’ve each presented a different angle on it. Personally I don’t want to shout it from the rooftops so much as maybe explain some of my occasional neuroses, tendency to over-apologise and so on. But I think the biggest thing for me is that  
I have this huge sense of pressure (mostly in my own head, but part cultural I think) that my staying in one role (that couldn’t be better suited to me and my needs) looks to others like failure or lack of ambition. I do lack capital A ambition as it happens but largely because I’m not designed to flourish in the innovative managerial roles  that would be the next step up. I know nobody requires me to explain myself, but I’d like to. To re-frame what might be the perception at large as ‘ok, we’ll now we understand that this is actually the healthiest path for you given that you’re autistic.’ Seeing more clearly that it’s scaffolding - not stagnancy as it would maybe be for many NTs. As you said, Out_of_step, other neurodivergent people don’t always make it explicitly known, but I’d like to be sn open book to feel better understood. What’s kind of annoying is that there is one other person in my institution who is openly autistic but *is* flourishing in a higher grade managerial type post, with certain adjustments (working hours etc.) made to accommodate them. So people could point to that and say ‘well he’s not using it as an excuse not to ‘get on’’, don’t be so lazy.’ Except I know what amount of responsibility and stress I can legit handle before overwhelm and I’d also rather be in a job that already doesn’t require such key adjustments, so I can just keep in a good head space without dreading going in to the office. But without needing significant special treatment to maintain that (or, in the event of being that square peg in a you d hole, likely having a breakdown before too long). I think I just want to be ‘out’ as it’s the simplest thing. I work in a profession (library/information services) where I suspect that I’m not so much a 1 in 100 autistic person as more like a 1 in 30 And of course there’d be a fair few more in the overall largeish  workplace self-professedly’on the spectrum’ without being over-the-line enough to have been clinically diagnosed. But that’s a matter for the individual, and I do feel that I should be able to say ‘look, this is a little more than that’ and that my parameters and need for continuity and routine are something that are vital to my sense of security and keeping anxiety manageable. 

I think ‘keeping it light’ as mentioned above (but with a serious message at the core nonetheless- this is who I am and what I need, and if it’s in some ways atypical to NT orthodoxy and workplace ascendancy-fixated culture to some degree, please understand why) would be essential so please don’t think I’d be this intense! Just using the safe-space of here to reality-test my rationale. But you’ve both reassured me of what a sensible approach might be. I think I’ll write it out in a word doc, take my time to shape and craft (and hopefully not I ver write it) and then see if the shape/purpose of it looks right and feels properly weighted before hitting send.

I think that I will notify Occupational Health and personnel in due course, not because I need any changes made as such, but just to have it in record so that if we ever move offices I can have appropriate considerations made. 

hopefully that sounds g sensible enough? Even if it’s not entirely essential I do believe a huge weight will come off my shoulders if I say to the department (if not the wider workplace) that I have  been diagnosed and that it’s an FYI thing not requiring any specific action other than the acceptance I know  would certainly be there. 

I'm just gonna say, tale a step back there's no rush. This is advice given to me on this forum. 

I told my manager but we had already had the conversation of "I think I might be AS" before I had the assessment. She needed to know as being autistic goes along with my mental health struggles and she is very supportive of that. 

As for telling others...I told one other person I am close to. On telling her this I realised that because I have "coped" all these years and she was a bit surprised,  I should really have said, "this is how it affects me" or "this is where I need a bit of support". So if you tell people I think you need to give more information rather than simply "hey I'm on the spectrum". But I think you alluded to this in your post.

There's no rush to tell people. I also think that if someone who is not on the spectrum had a particular need, they would voice this without having to explain away with a reason. It could be that you need certain things at work "just because. .." and do you need to give a reason why? On the other hand someone at work often has to have her office lights off because she gets migraines. No one says anything it's just how it is. 

Some people don't go to social events. They just say no and have done with it. There's part of me that feels I should be saying "no because I find these things difficult because I'm on the spectrum" but why should my "no" be different from anyone else's? 

There was part of me that wanted to raise awareness but I know there are other "neurodiverse" people at work who don't shout it from the roof tops. Maybe let your manager know in the first instance.  

This is just my perspective and it depends on your work environment. I don't regularly work very closely with colleagues.

I’ve just recently dealt with this at work following my diagnosis. 

I’d struggled with issues at work for some time before I got my diagnosis so my manager had allowed adjustments before I knew about ASD and I’d told her I was having the assessment so it was easy for me to tell her the diagnosis. I’m also lucky that I’d been referred to occupational health to look at ways work could make adjustments to help me manage and have now got another appointment with them to look at it from an ASD perspective - is this something your company could do? They don’t have to make the adjustments but they might be prepared to, like the lighting etc? I have been allowed to have a dedicated desk and corner of the office where I control the lighting (I have a desk lamp and don’t turn on the overhead light) and have noise cancelling headphones for when it gets too loud and busy. I’ve been able to position my screens so that I’m not particularly noticeable to anyone coming in to the room unless a I choose to be but can see through the small gap between them so I know who is around and be prepared if they’re coming to talk to me. 

I did decide to tell my immediate colleagues of my diagnosis and emailed them to explain why I did certain things and didn’t  do others; I also said what helped and what I found challenging (including some of the things they did/didn’t do) but that I didn’t expect or need them to do things differently, only that I wanted them to be aware of the impact on me. I worded it as a ‘just to let you know’ kind of thing and kept it quite light (I think anyway!) and brief. I did explain the reasons I didn’t do some of the things everyone was meant to do but that I did plenty of other things instead and whilst I thought it more than balanced out, I was more than happy to pick more up if anyone thought I wasn’t doing my share. I got some really kind, positive, replies and while not everyone did reply or say something I have noticed that they have all made some little adjustments to things I said were challenging for me which is great and while it was a little awkward to start, things are generally better and conversations less difficult. There seems to be less annoyance at me when I do things differently and no one has said I don’t do enough of the work.

I suppose I’d suggest speaking to your manager to let them know you’re going to email your colleagues, just in case any of them then want to talk to your manager - they’ll be ready and know how you want to be heard.