Published on 12, July, 2020
It’s been a few weeks since I got my diagnosis of Level One and I’m pondering how to best make it known to the colleagues in my department that I am autistic. I know there’s no necessity to do so, but I think I’d benefit from the awareness. This is because I’ve felt a lot of pressure at times (on the rare occasions it’s come up) to be seen to apply for higher grade posts (with some managerial elements, need to innovate etc) in which I know I’d be deeply unhappy, stressed, an would rapidly burn out in. I’m incredibly fortunate to be in a cataloguing-type job that suits me perfectly in a way few other gigs ever would, and I could really do with feeling like I could be a ‘lifer’ in said post, with greater understanding from my colleagues about why orthodox ‘ambition’ just isn’t the healthy path for me. There are also environmental sensitivities I’ve always had to the overhead lighting etc. which I’ve been fortunate enough to get some compromises arranged around with understanding but at times bemused colleagues. When they’ve forgotten and out the big lights on over my desk I’ll sometimes put on sunglasses not to be an *** but just to compensate without making demands. In truth, I’d need very little adjusted gif me if anything, but I think it could be healthy to mention it, once, via an email or something, say that it’s no big deal but it’s just for general awareness and maybe better understanding of what makes me tick, and to show that I have no sense of stigma about it - the opposite as it maybe gives some of my nature/priorities/needs a bit more context.
Has anyone else done this sort of thing? Would it be best to have a private meeting with my line manager and discuss doing the email thing? Or would just emailing the dozen or so people I work with directly, without prior discussion just with management, be appropriate enough? I honestly think that disclosing it could take some pressure (real or imagined) off my shoulders in ways I’m not even sure I can (or need to) fully articulate.
Recent days have seen me begin to re-frame my self-labelling from ‘underachiever’ (overly harsh to begin with) to ‘done pretty damn well considering’ (the statistics I’ve researched so far suggest that even to be in steady full-time employment of any kind is a minority thing for ‘Asperger’s’ people, as is having a university degree etc.). And part of me would like my colleagues to also experience that tilt of the mirror too, and they’re a nice enough bunch to just low-key acknowledge it and that would be that. Does that sound ok? I hope it wouldn’t come over as self indulgent - the opposite of my intention, which is more to do with mutually helpful sharing of my neurodivergency to the collective benefit of good working dynamics and, admittedly, my own sense of well-being.
I'm just gonna say, tale a step back there's no rush. This is advice given to me on this forum.
I told my manager but we had already had the conversation of "I think I might be AS" before I had the assessment. She needed to know as being autistic goes along with my mental health struggles and she is very supportive of that.
As for telling others...I told one other person I am close to. On telling her this I realised that because I have "coped" all these years and she was a bit surprised, I should really have said, "this is how it affects me" or "this is where I need a bit of support". So if you tell people I think you need to give more information rather than simply "hey I'm on the spectrum". But I think you alluded to this in your post.
There's no rush to tell people. I also think that if someone who is not on the spectrum had a particular need, they would voice this without having to explain away with a reason. It could be that you need certain things at work "just because. .." and do you need to give a reason why? On the other hand someone at work often has to have her office lights off because she gets migraines. No one says anything it's just how it is.
Some people don't go to social events. They just say no and have done with it. There's part of me that feels I should be saying "no because I find these things difficult because I'm on the spectrum" but why should my "no" be different from anyone else's?
There was part of me that wanted to raise awareness but I know there are other "neurodiverse" people at work who don't shout it from the roof tops. Maybe let your manager know in the first instance.
This is just my perspective and it depends on your work environment. I don't regularly work very closely with colleagues.
Many thanks to you both for such helpful insights from your own experiences. I think it’s useful that you’ve each presented a different angle on it. Personally I don’t want to shout it from the rooftops so much as maybe explain some of my occasional neuroses, tendency to over-apologise and so on. But I think the biggest thing for me is that I have this huge sense of pressure (mostly in my own head, but part cultural I think) that my staying in one role (that couldn’t be better suited to me and my needs) looks to others like failure or lack of ambition. I do lack capital A ambition as it happens but largely because I’m not designed to flourish in the innovative managerial roles that would be the next step up. I know nobody requires me to explain myself, but I’d like to. To re-frame what might be the perception at large as ‘ok, we’ll now we understand that this is actually the healthiest path for you given that you’re autistic.’ Seeing more clearly that it’s scaffolding - not stagnancy as it would maybe be for many NTs. As you said, Out_of_step, other neurodivergent people don’t always make it explicitly known, but I’d like to be sn open book to feel better understood. What’s kind of annoying is that there is one other person in my institution who is openly autistic but *is* flourishing in a higher grade managerial type post, with certain adjustments (working hours etc.) made to accommodate them. So people could point to that and say ‘well he’s not using it as an excuse not to ‘get on’’, don’t be so lazy.’ Except I know what amount of responsibility and stress I can legit handle before overwhelm and I’d also rather be in a job that already doesn’t require such key adjustments, so I can just keep in a good head space without dreading going in to the office. But without needing significant special treatment to maintain that (or, in the event of being that square peg in a you d hole, likely having a breakdown before too long). I think I just want to be ‘out’ as it’s the simplest thing. I work in a profession (library/information services) where I suspect that I’m not so much a 1 in 100 autistic person as more like a 1 in 30 And of course there’d be a fair few more in the overall largeish workplace self-professedly’on the spectrum’ without being over-the-line enough to have been clinically diagnosed. But that’s a matter for the individual, and I do feel that I should be able to say ‘look, this is a little more than that’ and that my parameters and need for continuity and routine are something that are vital to my sense of security and keeping anxiety manageable.
I think ‘keeping it light’ as mentioned above (but with a serious message at the core nonetheless- this is who I am and what I need, and if it’s in some ways atypical to NT orthodoxy and workplace ascendancy-fixated culture to some degree, please understand why) would be essential so please don’t think I’d be this intense! Just using the safe-space of here to reality-test my rationale. But you’ve both reassured me of what a sensible approach might be. I think I’ll write it out in a word doc, take my time to shape and craft (and hopefully not I ver write it) and then see if the shape/purpose of it looks right and feels properly weighted before hitting send.
I think that I will notify Occupational Health and personnel in due course, not because I need any changes made as such, but just to have it in record so that if we ever move offices I can have appropriate considerations made.
hopefully that sounds g sensible enough? Even if it’s not entirely essential I do believe a huge weight will come off my shoulders if I say to the department (if not the wider workplace) that I have been diagnosed and that it’s an FYI thing not requiring any specific action other than the acceptance I know would certainly be there.
It seems like you have got a plan together. I work in education so I didn't really feel I would be judged by anyone and my managers have been extremely supportive. A few years ago I was offered a more senior position but decided not to go for it. This was before my assessment but I kind of knew I could be autistic. I thought this role would give me more stress for various reasons. Maybe ten years ago I wouldve gone for it. But now I know what I'm working with i didnt t want to add to.make things more difficult. Although, I don't ever limit myself because of autism but now I know I don't have to push myself as hard as I was doing. I yhink even pushing myself in my current role is enough. It depends what your priorities are. For me it's to enjoy my job and the people I work with and to get enough money to do what I enjoy outside of work. Over the past year I have taken a lateral step at work as opposed to upwards. This has been good for me to learn something new and I see this as progression even if no one else does. It's no one else's business anyway. With regards to your colleague who is on the spectrum and high up...it's their life. Everyone's idea of ambition is different and everyone's priorities are different. Dont measure yourself against others which im sure you dont do anyway. I know myself and I know anything above where I am now would be uncomfortable because it'd invlove overseeing others. I don't know if it's much to do with autism or just me general make up.
It's a double edged sword. Now you know your limitations but at the same time don't hold yourself back. I think it's being aware of your parameters. Sorry I've gone a bit off piste.
There's a lot to be said for contentment. I think all too often people are wanting the next biggest and best thing instead of appreciating what they have now.
My priories would be similar to yours, definitely a work to live person not the other way round. And someone with a good sense of where the way I’m wired is best pointed. In my workplace (a department within a much larger institution) one has to jump three grades to get into the rare occasional higher posts that come up anyway. For me, that’s a chasm and I think the young lions who are hungry and correctly wired for attempting the jump should be the natural candidates for attempting it. My greasy pole days are behind me I’d say, and that feels like what I need to stay well.