Published on 12, July, 2020
I would say one of my biggest faults is jealousy.
I don't know why, but it is. I don't like it. But looking back over my life it has caused me most problems.
I don't know if jealousy is linked to autism or not.
Does any else find this a problem?
I'm very jealous of women who get on well with other women. I would really like some close friends but I have no success making friends....over the years women I've met and have liked have not shown any desire to form a relationship with me and yet they do with many other women. I've listened, I've shown compassion, honesty, humour, generosity, but still they don't want to know. I despair.
Oh yes, me too! Seeing groups of female friends together laughing, joking, sharing secrets. I'd LOVE to have that. My cousin said when she had a baby, she met 'a great group of girls' in the postnatal class and they're forever friends now.
After I had a baby, I was just bullied by my post natal group members and so had to find another group. That group too viewed me with suspicion and I never got this group of female friends I wanted. I don't know what I do wrong.
Thank you. I think I deserve a medal tbh. The perfect wife and mother- I brought my daughter up and didn't hurt or abandon her. I didn't run off with another man, however lonely and frightened I was. I gave absolutely everything to my family. It's only recently I learned to put myself first.
I agree about the nurture. There are so many people on this forum who have difficult relationships with their mothers. Could it have affected us?
I'm so pleased that your daughter is now well. And yes, you should feel really proud that you got through it and raised your daughter well! It sounded like a hellish situation.
There is another similarity in yours and my circumstances. I had a very difficult relationship with my mum too.
I read that ASD isn't entirely genetic, that there is also a nurture aspect to it. I wonder if our relationships with our mothers in our formative years contributed to our ASD? It could go the opposite way too: did our ASD contribute to our relationship problems?
Oh yes I was 38 when I had my daughter! Maybe that makes a difference. I also live in a tiny, cliquey village where everyone knows each other and I was the 'weird stranger'.
I used to have friends when I was in my teens and twenties though, so I know I can do it.
I was desperately ill during pregnancy so I was basically alone at home 24/7, sick and frightened. No one visited. It changed my opinion of people- they don't actually care about each other do they and I have no friends.
Yes. I wanted to run away when my daughter was tiny, then when she was desperately ill aged 2-5. TBH if I'd had somewhere nice to go I would have done. But I'd already realised I had no friends and nowhere to run to. My mum is very difficult- nice/ nasty/ nice/ nasty all the time, she was pretty cruel to me during pregnancy so I kept away from her.
I'm so proud of myself for getting through it and bringing up a happy, healthy daughter. She is fine now, she got over her illness. HOW I got through it I will never know. My husband is a great supporter. But we decided very quickly we could never go through that again so we stuck at one child.
No, I'd love to have that group of female friends I could always turn to when I needed them. My daughter was desperately ill when she was little, I had no friends to turn to for support. We live down a lonely, deserted road. Some days I'd been looking after her for 10 hours straight without a break, I'd have given anything for a friend to talk to. I had to rely on random Facebook people, who of course couldn't come round and take care of her for an hour while I slept or had a shower or whatever. I just needed some people there physically to help me. Online friends are only so helpful.
If we lived nearby though Juniper I'd happily be your friend!
I'm sorry that's happening to you too. I never made any friends in post natal class either. I had given up /didn't have the confidence to try because of previous failures to make friends (I was an older Mum of 35 when I had my son so I'd had plenty of experience to conclude that I was rubbish at forming friendships). I was just an outsider, an observer of the other women forming bonds. It felt so unfair.
I'm interested to know how you found maternity leave? I had a terrible time. I felt so isolated and in a state of permanent fear and dread. I couldn't wait to get back to work. Don't get me wrong - I adore my son, he is 11 now and I am a completely devoted mother, but that time when I was looking after him as a baby was the bleakest time I've ever known. I wanted to run away.
I’d be your friend! My son is all grown up but would you want to have a group you were constantly indebted to? I think I worked out that sacrificing my freedom and also my desires and analytical self to some tribal situation would leave me shut down. I’d rather read. :)