I would say one of my biggest faults is jealousy.
I don't know why, but it is. I don't like it. But looking back over my life it has caused me most problems.
I don't know if jealousy is linked to autism or not.
Does any else find this a problem?
I would say one of my biggest faults is jealousy.
I don't know why, but it is. I don't like it. But looking back over my life it has caused me most problems.
I don't know if jealousy is linked to autism or not.
Does any else find this a problem?
Yes, I'd agree there's not a specific link. It's just that being autistic seems to have lined me and mine up for more setbacks, exclusions and disappointments. I'd say it's more to do with being sidelined due to others' behaviours, expectations and attitudes (neuronormative as they are) but this still quite often leaves me in a position of feeling like one of the have-nots.
It's now clearer to me that getting anywhere in many workplaces or even starting relationships and socialising more generally has involved a disproportionate effort and quite a bit of masking too, leaving me vulnerable to burnout and MH issues.
So yes, that general feeling of being "one-down" compared to others has fed into a certain amount of jealousy. And I'd say that the workplace can be a key area for this. Plus, given the reported level of unemployment and underemployment amongst autistic people, I think this might leave us more vulnerable to experiencing jealousy. :(
It's not specifically linked to autism because anyone can become jealous of anyone or anything. I am however, extremely jealous of those of have found jobs and by that, I mean paid permanent employment with supportive employers who understand their needs and are willing to make those necessary adjustments for the staff to carry out their duties or tasks efficiently and enthusiastically. My last paid job was back in 2006, been volunteering in different job fields since then.
Yes. I think it's that "sense of lack" mentioned by Tassimo that is strong with me and very easily triggered. I have to be on to myself to mitigate and sometimes even dispel it.
I don't think it's directly linked to autism but, looking back over my life, I think there's a strong indirect connection. For example, my teenage years were blighted by poverty which largely arose from my (probably autistic) parents inability to either bring in a reasonable, consistent income combined with severe reservations about asking for help or, indeed, consulting anyone about anything, such was the social anxiety. The state of our house also meant we couldn't ask anyone round, which led to another lack - that of friends. And standing out for being different compounded this by seemingly inviting victimisation and bullying with a lack of support to counter this.
Then, later in life, I kept up the family traditions by shrinking fearfully from others, experiencing severe anxiety and generally not being the kind of outgoing person who makes connections and gets on with the job. Naturally this lead to a continued lack of social contact and didn't do my employment and promotion prospects any good either. Whilst this didn't lead to the same poverty I experienced in childhood, there was often the feeling of falling short and underperforming plus a lack of the decent anticipated return on years of working hard to attain various qualifications.
Now I'm afraid I've passed some of these "lacks" on. My now adult children are experiencing severe problems just with life and with making their way in the world, even in spite of us having more knowledge and the ability to offer more support. And I'm not sure there'll be another generation because of these difficulties, which saddens me both for them and for myself (so many from my class at school, including the ones who made life difficult for me, are now - seemingly effortlessly - grandparents).
So... jealousy... yes, I feel pangs. It's hard not to draw comparisons with others but, more than that, I often think there's a serious shortfall between the effort I'm putting in and what I'm getting out. So I have to be on to myself when I start thinking about life in that simplistic "transactional" way because there are actually no guarantees of anything in this world and some of my expectations were setting myself up for misery. I have to meditate or go do some gardening to release the thoughts of the "better" life I somehow think I've lost and the others who seem to be living it.
I suffer more from paranoia than jelousy.
Only trouble is I always tell myself Im just being paranoid when I worry about someone lying to me or having bad motives but so often ive been proved right so it makes it really dificult to keep telling myself its not true next time
Exit. And spend time in self discovery. It is no good to allow oneself to stay in a situation feeling unprotected.
I'm very jealous of women who get on well with other women. I would really like some close friends but I have no success making friends....over the years women I've met and have liked have not shown any desire to form a relationship with me and yet they do with many other women. I've listened, I've shown compassion, honesty, humour, generosity, but still they don't want to know. I despair.
They could but most people don’t want that. It’s hard enough reconciling the competing desires of 2 people, never mind 3. For example one person gets offered their dream job but it means moving the family. An awkward conversation with just two in the marriage. With 3 people you’re not only having to think about the limitations due to the needs of the person you love but also the 3rd party who you don’t love. It’s easy to see how that would be a breeding ground for conflict. Personally I think they only way a 3 person marriage could ever work in an equal and fair way is if every person is strongly attracted to every other in the marriage.
of which we see parents just letting their kids roam free, without worry that a pedo may pick them up or that they will get into trouble, or be the trouble... they dont raise their kids, they dont teach them anything.. they are lazy parents, who are probably even too thick to know how to raise a kid so let them be free range barbaric kids, of which causes the chav troubles we have and which causes all areas to degrade and crime and antisocial behaviour to increase and peoples lives to get worse and the nation to become like a third world country.
sure, they are rich in germs that they spread around as this corona crisis has highlighted.
they are all unhygienic and disgusting. they cough and spit in your face as they walk past and that is normal to them, where as i was always taught to put hand over mouth when coughing and certainly that its rude to sneeze or cough openly especially directly into peoples faces, if i so much as didnt cover my cough id get smacked and shouted at until i learned my damn lesson. these people are pure trash and that is the norm these days. i guess they lack upbringing and manners, and that makes them no less than cockroaches and they are the entire reason why corona spread and caused so much damage.
Jealousy breeds suspicion, doubt, and mistrust
paranoia unchecked will overtake you
I found out that I was jealous only as long as I was unsure if other person think the same about relations between us
and then it often turns out I was wrong :P but no jealousy
It's OK to be jealous, although it's a horrible, painful emotion to feel. We've all been jealous at times. As others have said, it's how we deal with it that matters. You're not a bad person just for being jealous, or for being angry, or for being sad, or for feeling any emotion at all.
I don't know if jealousy is linked to Autism either. But I do know I often feel jealous of allistic people. Generally speaking, they have easier lives! I'm very jealous of my younger sisters, and it has caused us problems at times.
Perhaps a good way to combat the jealousy might be to look at the good things you have that others might not have. You may not have what you're jealous of people for having, but you will have other positive traits and skills. Perhaps there are even people jealous of you - you just don't know it because we don't talk about jealousy; it's often seen as a taboo.
There's not caring what people think and having a solid sense of self and then there's being actively judgemental and downright classist. What makes you better than those other people in B&M you refer to as 'trash'? I'm sure they're richer than you are inside.
