Autistic Catatonia v shutdown: I need some help

Hi I’m experiencing austistic catonia had 16 ECT was wondering if anyone has any advice how too get out of it and loss my speech 

I'm sorry you're feeling wobbly. I hope you feel better soon. It's not cliche at all. It's very useful. 

Now that you've identified it, I've been googling - yeah, you're right it IS what I'm going through. It has happened before, I recognise, but not like this and not gone on so long. It's been eight months.

Figuring it out is half the answer I guess. Thank you.

Really glad to be of some use.

What you're saying about how you beat yourself up for not doing all you want to is exactly what I was feeling at that time, and sometimes still do. It was really tough for me to question that - because that pressure alone could be causing a lot of energy draining and keeping the burnout going. Expectations and feeling like we've failed our own goals (let alone others') are exhausting and demotivating as it is. But if you can find some reasoning like I try to, it can help. E.g. I think of logical facts like... Burned out people usually need MORE rest, MORE care, to go slowly, to take care of themselves. Then ask yourself if you feel you're giving yourself the allowances that a burned out person might want/need.

The sooner you can do things to help yourself out of burn out the better. It'll give yourself a chance to make some incremental gains in terms of recharging and resting. Otherwise you're borrowing from the future. I suppose finances would be a good analogy for this, going into the red, a bit of a cliche, too. Our bodies aren't as linear and simple as finances also... ("allostatic load" is a great descriptor and worth looking up if you're unfamiliar with it).

I'm having a bit of a wobbly day today so please excuse my questioning myself... I feel like everything I'm saying is a cliche but I'll just finish on this last cliche!! 

Awareness is the first, most powerful step. Before we do any big project, we start with information gathering to find out what needs to be done, which direction to head in, etc... this is similar. Take time to gain awareness of what you're experiencing right now, learn about yourself, your options, which direction to go in first. Then take small steps to take care of yourself ... at your own pace.... Learn what works for you and what doesn't.

Wishing you all the best. You're here reaching out for support - you're already on the way to better things. Don't give up.

Lol, well I'm not shouting. It was just what I needed to hear on burn out.

Thank you so much.

What you are saying in the first part makes absolute sence. Yes, the way you describe burn out is EXACTLY the way I'm feeling. I have been depressed but this is different. Every day I wake up thinking I should be doing this and that and positive but that quickly collapses and I can barely muster up the energy for a bath and then I'm exhausted and so cross with myself. I HATE the time waste. I'm so used to being occupied and in fact NEED to occupied in order to stave off the medical anxiety.

Perhaps I can stop torturing myself with notions that I'm going to go catatonic, now though. That was scaring me. So, I'm particularly grateful for that and I feel reassured on that score.

It seems to be a bit better when people around me are busy. I've had a week's annual this week with all sorts of "things to do". Monday and Tuesday I barely moved from the bed and was so cross with myself. Wednesday was better. My gardener, also an old colleague, came round and I did some gardening with him. I then forced myself out for a walk. Today, I'm struggling to get off the sofa again and as you say, I want to eat but somehow can't get as far as the fridge.

Order, funnily enough, plays a huge part for me, but it's kind of the opposite. The more order I see the better I am, the more disorder, the deeper this goes and yet getting the mess I didn't make in order is hard. 

Support would be nice but there's none on offer from anywhere, other than my private counsellor, who is pretty switched on. I'm lucky I can afford to get that. The NHS don't understand and do nothing.

As for my other half. Yeah! I know all that. I can see it all too plainly. I just feel locked in a practical trap. Were I well, there wouldn't be a problem, because I'd be doing the obvious thing by now. Because I'm not, there's just nothing left in me to go through another trauma in getting him to live elsewhere. (And it would be). And be completely unable to get through the most basic of medical appointments...

I know there's a day coming when something has to crack - and it'll mean yet another trauma.

But thanks again for the burnout descriptor. All the detail helped a lot, actually.

Thank you, I Sperg. I think it must be reminding me of monologue-ing! And all the times I've been shouted at to be more succinct! 

It read well and was easy to read. FWIW, I don't think you could have been more succinct.

Omg, a massively long message. Sorry... I felt it was all important, though. Maybe one day I'll be able to be more succinct... :/

Although I can't directly answer about autistic catatonia / shutdown as I'm not really sure, what you describe sounds like some signs of depression.

I WAS going to say it sounds like the chronic burnout that I had a decade or so ago, but actually, now I re-read what you posted, it reminds me more of when I had depression about a decade before that.

Depression and burnout have a load of overlaps, so it could be both. But the key difference for me was when I was burned out (the doctor thought it was depression again) is that I always woke up feeling cheerful and positive, eager to look out the window to see what the weather was like. I lost this when I got depression and instead couldn't get out of bed for other reasons. But both had fatigue, difficulties doing regular tasks and so on. When depressed I lost my motivation to eat, but when burned out I knew the importance of eating and wanted to feed myself but I physically couldn't.

Since you said you've been through some traumatic things one after another without much of a break, it may be that the processing for these things is catching up with you now or your internal processing resources, emotional battery etc. have hit their max.

It's probably going to be a bit obvious to say that getting support for this would be really worthwhile. CBT helped me hugely, for e.g.

Less obvious though is I'd recommend to go easy on yourself and let yourself sit and rock, playing the bubble pop game if that's what you need. One thing I've learned is that stimming can take many forms and be a great stress reliever or at least buy some time while you process things subconsciously. I love that blissful feeling of a repetitive task which has no pressure - I loved Bejewelled or Solitaire.

The hardest part of both my depression and burnout was letting the 'optional' things around me drop and be messy, untidy, etc. to save on resources. The first and biggest positive step for me was in the form of a silly challenge I made up: to leave my bed unmade for the entire day. It was SO hard. But I found reasons why it could be good to leave it unmade (faster to get into bed later, airs the mattress and duvet...!!), learned how to challenge my need for order. My perfectionist tendencies were sky high but also exhausting me. I was on a sure-fire heading to be OCD like my dad, but I may have avoided that, fingers crossed, time will tell.

Can't offer much wisdom about your hubby. What moon said is what I have heard and experienced first hand too. It was really hard to learn about what 'enabling' meant and codependency. I'm aware of someone in my life in a relationship that's living like that - we crossed paths in a way that impacted me a lot. I wouldn't know if that is you and your hubby just from your one post, but one thing is sure, when you're in that position as the codependent one, enabling, you truly have no idea. It helps to get outside (professional, experienced) opinions. I sought help from someone who went through and now mentors in the 12 step program. He told me some hard truths just like moon has posted here and I was forever grateful. I couldn't have seen or understood it alone.

Thank you for trying to help. Sadly, because of the nature of my issues I really can't access any health care with out him. I can't get in the room or talk to them or absorb anything said. Without him to mediate in the constant meltdown and shutdown in medical situations - and he is good at that - it just ends up with everyone shouting at me or they abandon what they were supposed to be doing because they don't understand what's going on. It not that he tries to convince me I need him and I'm sure he wishes I didn't. The stress is causing him to want to drown the problem.

I actually hate being dependant on anyone for anything. With every other thing in life, I've always managed entirely alone.

I think I need to find another way to help myself out of the inertia, and out of the dependence on his help, but I don't know how just now. Then, I know what to do about the booze.

It's to the alcholics advantage to make you believe you are co-dependent.

Dawn said:

It's a shame I'm poorly and therefore dependent on him in other ways. I can't go to a medical appointment or otherwise get any health care at all without him.

I'm sorry but you are not dependent on him to get health care - the NHS and/or council have a duty to ensure you get the care you need - including transport to/from appointments if required.

When my wife can't leave the house she has eConsults, phone & video consultations with the GP and a myriad of other specialists. There is a home phlebotomy service for blood tests. The duty psychiatrist from the local mental health intervention team will do house calls when it gets dire. etc.

Your GP can help you with these sort of things.

Dawn said:

My health problems make his drinking worse.

If your health problems went away today, hand on heart, do you think he would stop drinking? He is the reason he drinks, and it will continue until he gets treatment.

Dawn said:

If he left, I'd exchange one set of problems for another.

Yes - and almost certainly those problems are more tractable than dealing with a selfish drunk who is driving you insane (really - he is taking away your ability to think rationally).

Even if they are not more tractable, without the drunk you will be less anxious/catatonic and your brain will be in much better position to deal with the new problems.

I suggest writing down both sets of problems so you can try and figure out which set is worse. If they are just circling around in your head they may appear worse than they are. Post the biggest problems here and the kind NAS community may be able to offer advice.

Dawn said:

It's so sad.

This we agree.

Dawn said:

But I can't get well unless he helps me

This we do NOT.

You are so right. I know that.

It's a shame I'm poorly and therefore dependent on him in other ways. I can't go to a medical appointment or otherwise get any health care at all without him.

It's a double bind. My health problems make his drinking worse. His drinking make my health problems worse. If he left, I'd exchange one set of problems for another.

It's so sad. If I were well, I know what to do: tell him I love him, but it's the booze or me. But I can't get well unless he helps me, and I can get well while his drink hinders me. The timing just sucks.

Do I need to warn "harsh truths below" on an Autistic forum? Or does it go without saying?

NB: Just to be clear I am not an expert in substance abuse - this is just based on my experience.

I wasn't really suggesting you ask him to leave permanently (yet)... just encourage him to give you a two week respite break. I think this will give you some clarity to make some tough decisions that you are currently too anxious and worn down to make.

Can he go on a fishing/beer drinking trip? Stay with friends or family? Rent a room above a pub?

Going to get pissed somewhere else for a week or two doesn't seem like a big ask for someone who "loves you to bits".

However to me it sounds like typical alcholic behaviour. Alcoholics number one priority is the next drink - they will lie through their teeth and manipulate everyone around them to ensure they can keep drinking - no matter the cost.

He is extremely unlikely to get help for his addiction before he feels the full impact of the harm he is causing to himself and you. Most alcholics need to hit "rock bottom" before they seek help. This will just not happen whilst you enable him to merrily carry on drinking in the house whilst you pick up the pieces and suffer.

Please do google further on "enabling alcoholic".

If I were you, I would bypass the long and painful decent into madness and skip straight to the part where he is forced to choose between you and never drinking again (once a drunk...).

Even if he does choose you, it will be easier on you both to live seperately until he has conquered his demons.

Finally - no matter what - you are not to blame for his alcholism. This is 100% his issue.

I wish - I think my life would be a lot easier! My wife is bipolar with a large side of rage.

I am the autist and like the OP Dawn, the more overwhelmed I feel, the more I shutdown (especially if I can't get any alone time). After a certain point I struggle to eat or sleep and can't even watch TV....

but I magically spring to life after a few days on my own.

You are right of course. I have asked him to leave, (It was ME that bought the house), three times. He refuses to go. But yes, I know it would help pick me up just to have the feeling that cleaning and organisational efforts were not in vain. And yes, I know you shouldn't "enable" them. But if I don't pick up the debris and solve the problems, the only one who will suffer is me. He won't even notice. It's such a shame, I'm losing the one I love the most - not to another woman; he'd never do that, but to beer, right when I need him the most.

But I do also know it's an illness and in asking for the very basics of a decent life, I'm asking for something he can't give. 

Meanwhile, I've no clue how to get up off the floor when I'm being driven half way crazy with the sensory issues and medical phobias, only to face more mess and problems to sort. :-(

is your wife the autistic one ?

RE: Shutdown

You are describing my life for the last 5 years (substitute alcoholic husband for a wife with profound mental health issues).

When my wife goes to stay with her sister, I spend the first 2-3 days in chemically assisted "relaxation" and then sober up and start to feel my old self again... first perhaps the dishes, maybe a load of washing. The next day I might pick up one of my long forgotten interests or projects. After a week, I may even be able to call my friend or brother for the first time in months.

I suggest you firmly ask your husband to piss off for somewhere for 2 weeks and see how you feel... if you feel good after the initial "don't know what to do with myself" period, I kindly suggest you will have to make some difficult decisions.

RE: Alcoholism

My limited, but intense, personal experience with alcoholics is that:

• a "functional alcholic" is not nearly as functional as they appear - especially compared to before they started drinking too much
• the problem gets worse if left untreated
• it's extremely difficult to avoid enabling an alcholic loved one while you live with them (google "enabling alcoholic" if you're not familiar with the term)

An alcoholic in your life can be damaging on many levels - not least of which is the trauma of watching a loved one slowly kill themselves.

lol

Thank you.

I'm not Christian, but I do have a faith and I do throw it out to the Divine. But I'm not quite able to engage in prayer and meditation the way I used to before the trauma. Maybe it's part of the PTSD. I do think I'm heard though, I keep getting little clues to understand this. The Angels have brought me a long way in that regard.

My husband doesn't do any "male" stuff either.  I can't carry both roles for two people when I'm vulnerable and need a little bit of care myself. It's the drink and I can't help him with that unless he wants to be helped, sadly. He's my oldest friend and I'd never want a divorse, but I do think that there will be a time when he needs to leave and live elsewhere. It might only be at that point that he might turn it around. It'll be a gamble. 

You are right I think about the underlying causes. It's not psycho-babble at all. It's very insightful.  But that will only help when he wants it to. However much I love him I can't save him from himself. I can only pray he realises before I lose him anyway to health impacts of the booze.

Meanwhile, dealing with it is standing in the way of my attempts to help myself. And I need to be better to deal with this. Bit of a vicious circle really. I know I need order, space and time to heal and I'm not really getting the first two. 

I just have to trust that there's some other support for me round the corner to help me pick myself up off the floor and pray I don't slip into total shut down from the world while I try. 

Thank you. You know I'm some crusty old guy in England right?