Autistic Catatonia v shutdown: I need some help

I Sperg i sent u a fren request

In this sort of situation, I am not above asking GOD for a bit of help to "see the way". Along with asking myself "what would Jesus do" I then usually get some help.  

And since God helps those who help themselves I usually then start working the problems myself whilst waiting for the divine inspiration. When I get what I need I can thus ascribe it both to god and my own efforts depending on how atheist I am feeling.

I've a feeling that the self harming types of habits, excessive drinking, drugs, sex, work, buying, drugs etc. all stem form a wish to punish ourselves for our perceived failings, or secret guilt, and we disguise them as pleasure seeking because we can't face the truth of our situations. That may be psycho-babble, but I've been trying quiet hard to get to the roots of my own addictions, and there's always a sense of cowardly misery as I dog away at myself, and I think I see it in the actions of those similarily afflicted. When people talk about the concept of Christian salvation, they mean a freeing up from these sorts of feelings. 

Unfortunately the feelings of guilt or failure can have been placed by external agencies (apparently the process is really quick) so the tragedy of people wounding themselves is further amplified by the chimeric nature of their drives. 

The point I'm trying to make is that genuine help can be derived form religious teachings, over which many lifetimes were spent by "specialists" sometimes really trying to get the things right, and they are an underused resource these days.

You seem to know really what you may need to do, finding the kindest way to do it with the least amount of collateral damage may well be your only option.

On the other hand if you can help your partner find a happy alternative to being a slave to chemistry, and maybe even stimulate the male urge to "solve all problems and provide" a different solution could be found? I know it's a very very unpopular idea now, but traditional male female roles evolved over time and not entirely for the benefit of the males as some would have you believe... Maybe out of sight of the neighbours you could try some of that. You sound like you can do the trad female stuff very well, can he work and do DIY? Happiness for some couples is found by ignoring the zeitgeist and just living like your grandparents did.

You have a husband, many don't. Some women see their husband as a resource, or a possession or a life partner, or soulmate, often it rotates over time.

You may not have the strength to help yourself right now, but you may be able to help him. LEAN on those marriage vows. Working together, you have a better chance than working alone as two individuals. But it may be your guy will need to see that sustaining his alcoholism, will cost him more than it currently does. 

Nasty problem to have, especially because you are married...You do seem to have a lot of gumption, so I'm sure you'll find a solution.  

Yeah  I get all that. I think my problems are making him worse, and his are exasabating mine. We love each other, but the other's life style is deterimental to the other one.

I've tried explaining, but I am the only one interested in making positive change. He can't listen because he's busy drinking.

Thanks anyway. Hopefully someone will have been through it and know how to stop it getting worse.

My husband is one issue that isn't helping, but the underlying cause is the trauma, I think. Otherwise I'd be cleaning and kicking him up the bum to give me a hand and otherwise functioning.

Clearly your hubby has his own problems to battle too. Not least of which, he has an Auitistic wife who "shuts down" form time to time. (It's a little harsh but true if you think about it, and an equitable solution will require both of you to make changes, or quit teh relationship, and seek relationships that work better)

When I first got my diagnosis I offered to leave, because frankly it wasn't what I sold my partner when we started, we aren't married, and it seemed a fair thing to do. We were not getting on very well, and now I knew I was unlikely to prevail, without assistance which she is unable to give me, and which I NEED in order to function acceptably (I.E. not like a depressed hobo, with a machinery fetish) I also privately elected to leave anyway if things did not improve, but to make damn sure that they did.

Defining the areas where genuinely I am unable to function as expected helped enormously, to reduce HER frustration as well as my own. Improving and building on my strengths, and frankly pointing them out occasionally added value to me in her eyes now she wasn't just seeing the failures. The relationship is still not as joyful as I want it to be, but at least the arguments have reduced in severity and are MUCH less protracted, and we are starting to work together and understand each other a bit more. But the temptation to "give in to the diagnosis" is a new an unpleasant price to pay for the improvements I have so far wrought... 

sorry, wish i could help but i don't have any other ideas at the moment.

I had never heard of such a thing. It has now been added to my vocabulary after I looked it up. So,yea. I basically only came on here for the online peeps & to support you guys through thick & thin. 

I try. But the jobs are just growing faster than I can try.

This would work for me alone. I've taken that approach before. But I can't do it in the face of someone creating them quicker than I can do them. It's been one step forward and three back to the point I can't even try any more.

The truth might be that however much I love, and am dependent, on my husband, I need to ask him to leave unless and until he can put down the booze. But I haven't the strength to go through that trauma.

Could you start off with a small to do list i.e. a couple of things that are easy to do, when you complete them you may be so glad that you just carry on?

Thank you. 

Nice to know I'm not the only one.

The cleaning and washing thing is a big one for me. For decades I've done all of that. I raised a kid alone on top of a FT job - not complaining. It goes with the terrain.

Then living with my husband, I thought I wouldn't be in it alone any more...but he's got a problem and the job turned out to he harder than with a kid. Far harder. It got to the point that my choice is live in a permanent pig sty and have the time for the R&R I need  but not be able to enjoy any of it because of the mess. Or spend ALL of my time cleaning with no R&R and no interests.

Eventually, I ran into my own trauma's and collapsed into a state of paralysis I can't get out of.

My husband is brilliantly supportive in medical situations, but otherwise just drips mess and dirt every where he goes and won't pick up a damn thing after himself never mind do a fair share about the house. He's not being a sexist pig, he just doesn't either see that it needs to be done or why I want it to be done, so cracks open a can of Stella instead. I can't cope. I can be my own servant, but not his too. The support I'm asking for is only that which should be automatic, without any other problems in the way. But I am beginning to realise, I'm asking for something he can't give.

I need someone to help me off the floor, the mountain is just piling higher on top of me. I've collapsed. My mind is running like the wind but my body just literally can't move any more. And it's starting to scare me.

I've been intermittently in much the same boat for twenty years now. In my case it is because I have a partner who I love, but is not wired up to help me with the things that would make me productive, unlike the last one who was able to help me get much work and income.

A couple of things that I find helpful when I am in that state, are:

1. Helping someone else or even another creature out of their problems. (Other peoples problems can often be easier to help with than your own, and a win, is a win, even if you don't directly benefit from your actions).

2. When I am feeling really low, I will set myself to a simple task that I know I can complete well, such as cleaning, or washing, and do it until I don't want to any more or until it is done. I treat myself as my own servant, and whilst I try to be a kind master, I also try and keep myself moving...

I'm sure you will get some better quality replies and help than this, but it is a start...